The Hunger games - I'm still breathing (Everlark)

Chapter 4

I make my way slowly back down the stairs, mentally preparing myself for the conversation I will need to have with Peeta. I find him in the living room sketching something in his notebook again. He's lost in his own world, concentration etched on his face. His tongue sticks out slightly from the effort of getting the drawing perfected.
"Hey," I say. Peeta jumps, causing his pencil to draw right through the middle of the flower he was drawing, a Carnation I think.
"Oh, I'm sorry Peeta I didn't mean to make you jump," I say, feeling tears building up in my eyes. I ruin everything for him.
"It's okay, I didn't hear you come down the stairs," he says, getting up to face me.
"But I've ruined your picture," I utter, wiping at a stray tear that escaped from my eye.
"Hey, it's only a sketch, it wasn't anything important Katniss," he reassures me, walking over to comfort me. I want so badly to fall into his arms again and to let him hold me. How can I do that to him after everything though?
Instead of falling into him, I push away from him trying to ignore the look of hurt that flashes across his face.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"I don't think you should stay here," I whisper, trying to stop my lower lip from trembling.
"What, why?" He asks again, confusion seeping out in his voice.
"Because I don't want to hurt you anymore," I reply.
"What do you mean? You aren't hurting me at all Katniss!" He says, creeping towards me again. I take another step away from him.
"Katniss please don't push me away," he cries, his blue eyes becoming watery.
My heart aches at the sight of the broken Peeta stood before me and all I can think is how I did this to him. This realisation makes my knees buckle and I crumble to the floor. Peeta joins me on the floor and this time when he puts his arm around me I don't pull away from him.
"I don't want to be here anymore Peeta," I whimper, tears falling silently down my face. Peeta rocks me back and forth, stroking my damp hair.
"Neither do I sometimes. Sometimes I wake up and my world is just black and it takes everything I have not to lay back down and pull the covers over my head. Sometimes, my flashbacks are so frightening that I'd rather die than have to live through another one. But you know what gets me to pull through every day?" He asks, tipping my face towards his so that our eyes meet.
I shake my head unable to get my words out.
"The thought of seeing you," he smiles.
I choke out a sob, feeling like his words just removed one less weight on my shoulders.
"But it's my fault you were taken by the Capitol, my fault they did those awful things to you! I wasn't there for you, I couldn't save you and I'll only hurt you even more if you stay with me," I stutter through my tears.
Peeta sighs and shakes his head.
"None of those things were you fault, Katniss. You have never hurt me and I know you never will. If anything you help me, you keep me from losing my sanity every single day. You can try to push me away all you want but I'm not going anywhere. I need you Katniss,".
It's in this moment that I truly realise I need him too. I need him to ward of the nightmares with me, I need to wake up in his arms feeling safe and secure. And he needs me too. To drag him from the dark places that his flashbacks take him to and to help him get out of bed every morning.
Because that's what we do, we protect each other.