The Hunger games - I'm still breathing (Everlark)

Chapter 21

"Prim?"

I step out of the shop to get a closer look at her. It's like I've gone back in time, to when staring through the baker's window was the closest we would ever get to fresh bread. I see my eleven-year-old self stood beside her, gripping on to her shoulders. Our cheeks are hollow and our clothes hang loosely off our shaking bodies. My heart aches as I watch myself tell Prim that we don't have any money to buy anything. I watch Prim's shoulders sag as I take her hand and walk her home, defeated.

The Prim in front of me however, looks happy and healthy. Her eyes are bright with wonder and her skin glows with a tan that suggests she's had days of playing in the sun. Her dress fits her snuggly; there are no signs of starvation in this little girl.

When she notices me observing her from the doorway, she turns to face me and flashes me a shy smile, showing off her milk-bottle teeth. I smile back at her, feeling my eyes begin to water. Is she really here?

"Hi," she says.

I don't bother replying. Instead, I drop to my knees and wrap her in my arms.

"I missed you so much, Prim," I cry, letting the tears fall freely.

She's not hugging me back though; she's pushing away from me. Why is she trying to get away from me? I hold on tighter, trying to reconcile the bond that we had before, trying to bring her back to me. But she's screaming, she's crying for her mother. Doesn't she know mother's isn't here anymore?

"Katniss let her go." Peeta is trying to pry my arms off of her. I resist, still not willing to lose her.

"Katniss, it's not Prim," he says softly.

Not Prim? What is he talking about?

Suddenly she's yanked from my arms, leaving me dumbfounded for a minute and unsure of what just happened.

"Shouldn't she still be at home recovering, rather than let loose to terrify all the children with her craziness?" A snotty voice asks.

I turn and see that it comes from a slim woman who looks to be in her early thirties. She's holding Prim in her arms and slowly rocking her back and forth.

"It's okay, Daisy, mummy's got you," she says reassuringly to the still whimpering girl.

"She thought it was her sister," Peeta explains quietly, trying to help me get to my feet.

As soon as I'm up, I lunge forward at the woman who's claiming Prim as her own, but Peeta is too quick. He hauls me backwards, grabbing my balled up fists in his hands.

"Katniss stop! It's not her," he says, trying to get through to me. All I can register though is the fact that the woman is walking away with Prim.

"Prim!" I scream.

"Katniss! Look, that girl has a mole just below her left eye. Prim didn't have that."

I stop to think about what he just said. Prim didn't have any moles on her face. Did that little girl really have one? I didn't notice.

"It's not her?" I ask him, my voice breaking.

"No, just someone who looks like her," he says, wiping my tears away with his thumbs and pulling me in for a hug. 

"Oh," is all I manage to get out.

When I pull away from him, I turn and see that every eye in the bakery is trained on us. They just witnessed that whole scene. They saw me lose my head.

  I feel my cheeks heat up and a mixture of dread and shame swim through my body.

"They understand, Katniss. They know what it's like to grieve," Peeta says, also seeing the exclusive attention we have. He takes my hand and tries to lead me back into the bakery but my legs no longer seem to know how to function. They stand rooted to the spot.

"I can't go back in there," I whisper.

"Katniss it's okay," he says, casting a glance at the people still staring.

I shake my head.

I want the ground to open and swallow me up. I want to be anywhere but here. So I do the only thing I can think of. I turn and run.

Past the new carpenters shop, the new clothes making shops. Past the stands that sell fruit and vegetables, past the butchers. Far away from everyone and everything. Away from civilization, away from the accusatory looks, away from the little girl that looks like Prim.

Katniss Everdeen, the girl gone crazy. Katniss Everdeen, the mentally unstable war survivor. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who lost her sister.

You should be behind bars.

Everyone's afraid of you.

You'd have thought you'd have learnt your lesson by now.

At some point the rain starts to pour, it orchestrates in union with the voices. Ironic really, the weather falls in line perfectly with the storm raging inside of me. My hair sticks to my face, my vision is limited by the downpour. Buildings and objects slide in and out of view, appearing for a minute before being taken prisoner by the fog.

The fog reminds me of the Quarter Quell. Even thought this fog doesn't hurt me, I can still feel the memory of it burning as it buried itself in my skin. I force myself to run faster.

I reach the Victor's Village and stumble up Haymitch's front porch steps. I rap on his door, praying that he's awake and sober enough to actually get to the door. I lean on his railings for support, my legs wobbling beneath me.

Just when I've lost hope in Haymitch, I hear the bolt turn and the door is swung open. I fall into his arms and let him hold me while I cry.