The Hunger games - I'm still breathing (Everlark)

Chapter 31

"Peeta? Katniss? Is that you?"

Annie's making her way over to us, a confused smile on her face. Her dress hangs a little looser than it should and her eyes look burnt out and tired. Finn gurgles in protest at being dragged away from the sea. He tugs on her dress as if not understanding why her attention is not solely on him anymore. Everything about him resembles Finnick, from his indignant expression to his scrunched up eyebrows.

"Hey, yeah it's us," Peeta says, getting up and walking towards her. He pulls her in for a gentle hug, which she gladly returns.

"Are you real?" she asks, as Peeta pulls away.

"Yeah, we're real," Peeta lets out a small laugh. She stares closely into his face, like she's looking for the smallest sign to prove that he's lying.

I get up and plant myself at Peeta's side. Her blue eyes meet mine, an agony flashing through them before returning to the unsure look she held a moment ago.

"We're real, Annie," I say reassuringly.

She nods and mumbles something inaudible under her breath.

"Sorry, sometimes it's hard to tell whether I'm just seeing things or whether they're actually in front of me," she finally says, after having convinced herself that we won't disappear before her very eyes.

"That's okay, we're the same," Peeta says, shooting her a kind smile.

She's still staring at me, yet she makes no move to hug me. I feel like I'm under her spotlight. Every single beam she's directing towards me is screaming out betrayal. Or is the guilt that's eating up my conscience just making me paranoid?

You are the reason her husband is dead.

I squeeze my eyes shut, putting out her light, stopping the voices in their tracks.

A baby's irritated cry breaks through the commotion in my head. I open my eyes and look down to see that Finn has flung himself into the sand in a temper. His little nose twitches and his bottom lip wobbles.

"You're just like your daddy, throwing a tantrum because you don't have all the attention," Peeta coos, crouching down in front of Finn.

Finn's cries immediately cease as he looks up at Peeta with his wide, green eyes. Finnick Odair's eyes.

You are the reason that child's father is dead.

"Has mummy dragged you away from the sea, you poor thing?" Peeta continues.

A charming smile breaks out on Finn's face, reaching from ear to ear. Finnick Odair's charming smile.

His father is dead because of you.

I breathe in deeply, diverting my gaze out towards the sea.

"He's not used to male attention, so he loves it when he gets it," Annie says.

This simple sentence is all the clearance that the voices need to hear in order to be let loose from their chains and come cascading through my mind.

That child will never have a father

He will never know his father

Annie will have to raise that baby all by herself

Because of you

I let out a moan as I'm hit repeatedly by the words that tear my heart to shreds. I fight the urge to scream at them, still aware of the people surrounding me. I can't hear the conversation passing between Annie and Peeta, I can only register the concerned looks that Peeta's sending my way.

I see him lower his gaze as he takes a step closer to Annie. He leans forward, talking quickly to her, his eyes looking over to me nervously. He's talking about me. The sun's beams are dimming around me, the rocky walls closing in. I'm back in the sewers under the Capitol. I sink down into the sand, crossing my arms over my chest.

Annie swoops Finn up into her arms and walks swiftly away.

She can't stand to be around the person responsible for the murder of her husband.

I breathe in sharply and bury my head in my knees.

"Katniss, it's okay."

Roses. Snow's roses. I can smell them.

I swing my head left and right, retching at the stench. I search the crowds for the only creatures that could emanate that smell. The lizard mutts.

People fade in and out of view, their faces becoming distorted through my blurry vision. Snake-like tongues are slithering out of the group of girl's mouths, gliding across the sand towards me. The boy's eyes morph into slits, their iris's turning yellow. Their stare promising revenge and death. Their stare is fixed on me.

My bones rattle as the terror shakes me to the core. I should be running. Why am I not running?

"Katniss, look at me!"

There are hands on my back, my hair, my face. Hands with scars. Scars there because of me.

"Make it stop," I whisper to the air.

The tongues are getting closer, the stares more menacing by the second.

"Make it stop!" I cry.

Katnisssss...

"Peeta please make it stop, just make it stop!" I sob hysterically, gripping on to his arms. My nails dig into his skin, certain that he'll be dragged away from me any minute now.

"I will but you have to look at me, Katniss!"

I shake my head, sealing my eyes shut. I'm afraid he'll turn into one of them if I do.

"Look at me," he murmurs softly into my ear.

His hands wrap around my face, pointing it upwards. His lips gently graze mine.

"You're okay, I promise. You're safe," he says.

I haltingly peel my eyes open. His sapphire eyes knock me back into the present.

"L..Li..Lizard," I stammer.

"No, there's no lizards here," he says. "There's some seagulls over there but they won't hurt you, they'll just steal your chips."

I smile weakly at him.

You don't deserve to smile.

The voice is right, I don't.

"I killed Finnick," I whimper.

"No you didn't. Snow and his mutts did," he tells me.

The word mutt makes me shiver. I look back over to the girls. They're splayed out on their towels, lapping up their melting ice creams. A few are looking our way, the rest oblivious to anything but themselves. I see pity written clearly on the one's whose attention we have gained.

"Was I shouting loudly?" I ask, looking back to Peeta.

"No of course not. Don't worry about the people looking, they don't matter," he says.

But they do matter. They know who I am and what I've done. That's a stain I'll always wear. I'll never just be me to them. I'm the winner of the 74th Hunger Games. The first Games in history that two people were allowed to win. I'm the face of the rebellion, the girl willing to put her life on the line to help the Districts. The girl who put everyone else's life on the line while she was at it. They don't know the crushed girl that withers before them.

I unsteadily get to my feet, turning my back to them all. Peeta wraps a protective arm around me and leads me away.

"Can we go back to the hotel please?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"Anything you want."