The Hunger games - I'm still breathing (Everlark)

Chapter 28

Words fail me as I stand gaping at my mother like a fish. She looks so much like Prim. What is she doing here? I hurriedly wipe away my tears, not wanting to damage the reputation of the strong girl she perceives me as.

"It's okay to cry, Katniss," she says, smiling gently at me.

"I've done plenty of crying," I snap back at her, sharper than I intended to sound.

"I'm sorry," she starts to say, taking a step towards me with her arm outstretched.

I automatically take a step away from her, keeping the distance between us. I watch her face fall and her eyes begin to water. Why am I doing this to her? Why can't I let her comfort me and talk things through with her like every normal daughter and mother should be able to do? She abandoned me again, I think. The first time she left us mentally, lost in her own head for months. She was distant and cold towards us. This time she left me physically and there was no Prim to focus on keeping alive and safe. She left me, fully aware that I would be completely alone. She knew Haymitch wouldn't be there, she knew Peeta was unpredictable and yet she still left me. How could she do that to the only family she has left on this earth?

I look over at Peeta, who's sheepishly standing behind my mother. He can't quite meet my gaze.

"You knew she was coming?" I ask, feeling so weak at being taken off guard.

He nods his head, finally having the decency to look me in the eyes.

"She was the one I was on the phone to yesterday," he says.

I take another step back, not wanting to be near the abandoner and the liar. I place my hand up to my reeling head trying to take it all in.

"I thought it might help you both heal a little if you just saw each other. It didn't seem right that you would be apart on this day," Peeta stammers.

"Does it look like were healing right now, Peeta?" I ask him sarcastically.

He hangs his head in shame.

"He was right to call, Katniss. We can't keep our heads in the sand forever, at some point we have to face this thing head on," my mother interjects.

"Well where were you when I needed you then? Where were you when I woke up screaming from my nightmares? When I started seeing things and hearing things? When I drowned my sorrows with alcohol? Because that is how I have been facing things head on without you and the only reason I have pulled through any of this is because of Peeta. He was there every single time I needed someone because you sure as hell weren't," I cry.

I turn away from them both, hating the pity in their eyes. I sink to the floor in front of Prim's picture, searching for some comfort in it. My mother crouches down beside me and tentatively puts her arm around me. I fall into her and let the tears flow.

"I needed my mum and you weren't there," I whimper.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm here now though," she says, stroking my hair.

It takes me back to when I was five years old and had fallen and scraped my knee. She had held me this same way. There's something about being held by a parent that makes you feel like you're in the safest arms in the world. It's a different safety to what Peeta gives, it's familiar and bittersweet all at the same time. I smile faintly with the knowledge that things could be okay between us again.

"Can I have a minute to talk with Prim?" my mother asks, drawing me back and wiping the tears from my face.

I nod and plant a kiss on her forehead before standing up and walking off towards Peeta.

He's stood by the lake, throwing stones and watching them plunge through the ice, leaving a cavernous hole behind. He throws each stone a little harder than the last. I curse myself for putting him in this vexed mood with my sharp remarks.

"Hey, I'm sorry that I got mad at you, I just wasn't expecting any of that," I say, placing a hand on his back.

"No I'm sorry, I should have told you that I'd asked her to come," he says, turning round to face me.

"Why didn't you?" I ask him gently.

He shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know, I didn't want you to have to worry about anything else. You already had a lot on your mind," he replies, putting his arm around my shoulders.

I lean my head against his chest. He holds his other hand out to me, revealing a couple of stones inside it. I gladly take one and fling it down on to the ice. The impact gives a satisfying crack. We stand calmly together, watching the ripples of the water spread from one hole to the next.

"Thank you for inviting her, Peeta. It was the right thing to do, I'm sorry I wasn't more grateful for it earlier," I say, quietly.

"You're lucky that you still have family left," he mumbles.

I glance up at his face and see that he is holding back his own tears. I swivel around in his arms and cup my hands around his face, pulling him down to kiss me. I want to kiss away all his sadness and his hurting, make it all disappear. I'd take all of his pain to be my own if it meant that he could be happy. I feel his tears splash down on to my face.

"Please don't cry, Peeta," I say, my heart breaking for him. I wipe his tears and hold him even closer to me.

"I miss my family, Katniss," he shudders in my arms.

"I know you do but they're here, Peeta. They're always with you," I say delicately. "Your mother will probably be coming down to haunt you right now for falling in love with a girl from the seam."

This gets a laugh out of him.

"She didn't hate you that much," he says. I look up to see his smile lighting up his watery eyes once again.

"There we go, don't ever stop smiling like that," I say, leaning up and pecking him on the lips. "And she did so hate me, she could have killed me with one of her glares if she had the power too," I laugh.

"She didn't think that you were good enough for me," he says.

"I'm not good enough for you," I reply.

Peeta goes to object but I place a finger over his lips to shush him.

"I'm not good enough for you, I'll never be good enough for you. But I promise I'll always be here for you no matter what. You might not have your family but you have me and I'm not going anywhere any time soon," I say.

He grins down at me and kisses the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," I say.

We stand wrapped around each other in an easy silence. We breathe in sync together, releasing fresh puffs of cold air each time.

"Lets get away from here for a few days," I suddenly say.

"Get away?" Peeta asks, as if confused by my suggestion.

"Yes to another district, just to get away from the memories and ghosts that'll be hanging around here this week," I explain.

Peeta is silent for a minute, mulling it over in his head.

"It sounds like a good a idea," he finally says. "Which District?"

"District four?" I suggest, remembering the tranquility that the sandy beaches brought.

"Then to District four we go."