Incorrect South Park Quotes

More shit

Kyle, banging on the door: Cartman! Open up!
Cartman: Well... It all started when I was a kid...
Stan: No, he meant-
Kenny: Shhh, let him finish.

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Cartman: You LYING, CHEATING, piece of SHIT!
Kyle: Oh Yeah? You're the idiot who thinks he can get away with everything! WELCOME TO WITH REAL WORLD CARTMAN!
Cartman: That's it! I'm leaving and I'm taking Kenny with me! Screw you guys I'm going home!
Stan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're going to stop playing now.

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Kyle: Damnit, CARTMAN!
Cartman: What?! It wasn't me!
Kyle: Right, force of habit... KENNY!
Kenny: Not me either dude.
Kyle: Oh... Then who set the house on fire?
Stan: *Whistles*

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Cartman: *Screams*
Kyle: *Screams louder to assert dominance*
Stan: Should we do something?
Kenny: No, I want to see who wins this.

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Kyle: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Stan: Sorry, I got distracted half way through.
Kenny: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours dude.
Cartman: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Cartman: That fucking Jew isn't answering his phone!
Stan: I'll call.
Kenny: Cartman and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Kyle: Hello?

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Stan: Kyle, I'm sad...
Kyle, holding his arms out for a hug: It's gonna be okay.
Cartman: Kenny, I'm sad.
Kenny, nodding: Mood.

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Kyle: Have you guys seen Kenny?
Cartman: Ugh, yes. They made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.
Kyle: It looks fine to me?
Stan: IT USED TO BE WATER!

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Clyde: On a scale from 'Damn Daniel' to 'Fre sha vaca do', how are you feeling?
Tolkien: In between 'it's an avocado, thanks' and 'how did you defeat Captain America', but as a solid answer I would say 'I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger'. How about you Jimmy and Tweek?
Tweek: Gah! P-probably 'Road work ahead'
Jimmy: A s-solid 'If your name is J-Junior'
Craig: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

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Tolkien: Why are Craig and Tweek sitting with their backs to each other?
Clyde: They had a fight.
Jimmy: Th-then why are th-they holding ha-hands?
Clyde: They get sad when they fight.

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Kyle: You know those things will kill you right?
Kenny, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.
Stan, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.
Cartman: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

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Kyle: Isn't it weird we pay money to see other people?
Cartman: Plane tickets?
Stan: Concert tickets?
Kenny: Prostitution?
Kyle, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

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Kyle: Yo, is Kenny sleeping or dead?
Cartman: Hopefully dead, I hate him when he's drunk.
Stan: Yeah, so do I.
Kenny, sobering up: Okay first of all, fuck you-

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Cartman: I just ended a four year relationship.
Kenny: Oh, I'm sorry man. Are you okay?
Cartman: Hm? Oh yeah, it wasn't my relationship.
*Kyle and Stan fighting from across the room*

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Kyle: Wake me up-
Butters: Before you go go!
Cartman: When September ends...
Stan and Kenny: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

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Kyle: Everyone, synchronise your watches.
Cartman: I don't know how to do that.
Kenny: I don't wear a watch.
Stan: Time is a social construct.

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Clyde: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Tweek: N-need to calm down? Drink water.
Tolkien: Not feeling well? Drink water.
Jimmy: D-dry th-throat? Drink water!
Craig: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

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Jimmy: Wr-writing jokes isn't easy! I ha-haven't slept in seventy-th-three hours.
Craig: I haven't slept in eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.
Tweek: I-it's been ni-ninety for me! I'm g-going for GAH for an e-even one hundred.
Clyde: You guys are fucking terrifying.
Tolkien: That's enough! All of you bed now or I'm putting you to sleep forever!

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Kenny: Kyle! I can't do this stupid math problem!
Kyle: What's the question?
Kenny: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope we don't multiply.
Stan, covering Butters ears, while Kyle smacks Kenny upside the head.
Cartman: Not gonna lie that was hella smooth.

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Stan: I never said I was going to get back together with her! I was just thinking, she's in town. Would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Kyle: No. No, Stan it wouldn't be the worst thing the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. One: An asteroid hits the Earth. Two: A super volcano. Three: The Purge happens. Four: You call Wendy. Five: Kenny gets eaten by a shark.
Kenny: I'm Kenny and I approve of that list.

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Cartman: For most of human history, vehicles has an automatic collision avoidance system. It could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk! But we just had to get rid of the horse!
Kyle: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" - that was you, just now you fucking dumbass! "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" - Fuck off!
Kenny: It would be cool if cars could fuck.
Stan: We... we still have horses.