HTBMHIT || {A creek fanfiction}

Timeline bump²: What once was.

"I'll never let you go" 5 words you'll never say. I laugh along like nothing's wrong; 4 days have never felt so long. If 3's a crowd, 2 is us, 1 slipped away."
- ☆ Wish you we're gay, Billie Eilish.

"If you had really loved something, wouldn't a little bit of it always linger?" I asked to him; passionately. It's 5AM and the skies are pouring above us. We we're both getting soaked. The droplets has already started to impact me from the cold. I wish I could embrace and share such warm with him. - But with the sight I saw of him at this moment; he felt like a stranger.

"I'm sorry. We're just worlds apart." He reasoned out.

"Then, by that you mean, I don't understand. We're here, can't you see?"

He rolled his eyes and pinched the arc of his nose; giving me signs that he is already petrified by the annoyance that has built up in him.

"I hate this lifestyle. Okay? Can't you see that too!? always drugs, melancholy, and bullshit that I don't care about anymore."

"Well if this lifestyle is just a phase to you, then don't let our love be. Don't you care about..us? Not even a single thing?"

"If that's the case, I didn't love you at the first place."

I fell into silence making the sound of the rain embrace the awe presence in both of us. At that moment I wish to not see him anymore; but with the devotion I had for him. I knew by wishing that, I'm setting myself for a fey trap. I will always look for him in everyone.

"Of all the things I have held, my hands only felt at home in yours." I stared at his eyes with tears in my eye, creating a river of desperation which I hopefully hope that it won't turn into despair.

"Don't do this to me." He said sternly with a bit of struggle in his voice as he voices those words out.  He grabbed me by arm and shook me, telling me to leave him be out in the cold. As he was shaking me, I felt my heart grew fragile.

"Leave me be." He cried pushing me away from him which made me and him fell into the ground. We sat there in silent depression; melancholy embracing us in the rain. - which he hated.

"One loves to suffer and one suffers to love. Can't you see the resemblance?" He cry whisper to me. "I can't even look at you in you're raven eyes because, I have caused so much pain in you and the capacity for you to still feel love and yearn for me is painfully unbearable."

"I love you."
"You love to suffer."

"If suffering means to love you then I couldn't help but ask for more suffering."

"Please, leave me."

"NO!" I grew angry. I couldn't help it anymore.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LIKE THIS? I DON'T WANT TO BE ANOTHER THING THAT IS PAINFUL FOR YOU TO REMEMBER BECAUSE I REALLY LOVED YOU. I REALLY DO. SO WHY???" I punched his cold chested heart with gentle force making me shatter into pieces. He pushed me away weakly; clearly, we both are tired and sore with everything at the exact moment. Two people just hoping they could just fix and leave the situation easily.

"LOVE ME? ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING MESS ME UP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL YOU'RE FUCKERY "LOVE" LANGUAGE??" He yelled back

"DON'T YOU DARE EVEN RAISE YOU'RE EGO, YOU WE'RE NEVER THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU, YOU ARE A BITCH. You left me in this stupid city and the fact you posting all these stuffs on the internet, living SOOO "happily" and "badazzling"  when SUNRISE TO EVENTIDE, I WAITED FOR JUST A CALL OR EVEN A MESSAGE. not a single one. NOT A SINGLE ONE FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG IT'S BEEN."

"Oh so you're mad that I was healing, when at the first place, YOU WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY FOR ME." He clenched his jaw and smiled sarcastically like a lunatic.

"Tsk, happy? What the fuck. So you're all out there being such a "great person" while recklessly just being a bitch to every fucking person you're with in the past. BUT HEYYY I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE MAD RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU WE'RE HEALING AND MY SUFFERING WAS PART OF THAT PROCESS. RIGHT?"

He stared at me with those cold void-like eyes. Which made me fell into silence as I embrace a one cavern hold sigh.

"Don't look at me like that." I demanded shakily, trying to strengthen my voice to hide the fact that I was already on my last straw and strength to stop myself from sobbing hysterically

"Truth hurts but.." He paused and couldn't help himself but to just let all the crashing waves of emotion crash him into pieces as he drowns with all the thoughts he could've said but couldn't.

He leaned to me and gave my forehead a kiss.

"I'm sorry." He said as I watch his familiar figure disappear in the rain as it grows further; the fog from afar has eaten him. I was too tired to shout nor even react at the first place. I wish it wasn't raining so I could linger his silhouette more. - but even just his silhouette; I was robbed. The world was turning its back at me and so is the guy whom promised to pick me up into pieces when the world does.

I died that day.

☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ☆

All of my friends are tired and annoyed to hear me talk all about him. If they weren't kind enough, they'd probably block themselves in a buddha box whenever I open my mouth. But the raging urge of me to at least let someone hear me out and bare with my desperation is unbearable. I hate it. It's quiet but I still feel it. War is still raging inside of me.

I still think you have the sweetest soul I have ever seen; and even you never apologized, I still think you just said those words out of weakness; I still think you're a decent guy.