Are we forbidden?

twenty-two

7.07.22

We made it back up to Lauren's room, now that Fran had left I would be staying here. This meant I had to do the dreaded walk to my old room and get the rest of my stuff. 

I needed to do it quickly knowing Jordan literally just got here and would probably want to get settled. 

I explained what I was doing to Lauren and made my way. I first knocked on the door making sure no one was in there, and to my surprise, Leah opened the door, 

Any normal person would have spoken, but I had nothing to say, not one thing.

I pushed past her in the doorway and began to gather the rest of my things, grabbing my things from the bathroom and making sure to throw anything Leah had given me such as a hoodie or shirt onto her bed. 

"Keep them Robin" Leah's voice was monotone. There wasn't a hint of emotion behind those words.

"Why would I want to do that Leah" I replied, making no eye contact as I continued getting together my things.

I couldn't look at her, everything she had said in just a few hours was hurtful and disrespectful. She didn't deserve to look me in the eye. God, she didn't even deserve to look at me altogether. 

As I forcefully shoved my things into my bag I could hear people talking from outside the room. I watched as Leah's head darted up and looked towards the door, it was a new voice that I hadn't heard yet here on camp which only led me to assume that it was Jordan. 

What took me by surprise though, was the look of despair on Leah's face. It didn't take me long to realise the sour face was likely aimed at me for being in here as Jordan was about to walk in, so I packed my bag quicker, not caring to look at what I was throwing in. 

That was until I hear the lock on the door click, shit. Jordan was about to walk in and at that moment she was not the person I wanted to socialise with. I zipped up my bag hastily and turned, only to see it was Leah who had locked the door from the inside, meaning no one could get in.

I shot her a confused look as she began walking in my direction. Suddenly, I was wrapped in a hug. I was conflicted in my head, do I hug back? Or do I push her away? The thoughts became overwhelming and I lost all words. 

"I'm sorry Ro" Leah whispered. 

That was all it took to snap me out of my thoughts and make my decision. 

"It's too late for that Leah" I spoke quietly, knocking began on the door and I knew I had to get out. 

"Can you just trust me? Please? Just for a second" Leah began, I simply nodded my head and let her speak, "I didn't want to do it, but Jordan and I have a past, a past I didn't want to bring you into, I'm sorry" Leah seemed genuinely upset, but I didn't buy it one bit.

"So first you were cruel and disrespectful towards me, now you lie to me? Get out of my way Leah" I spoke more confidently this time. And she did, she moved and let me go, a single tear escaping her beautiful eyes.

I geared myself up for whoever may be standing, relentlessly knocking on the other side of the door and unlocking it. I didn't even have to reach for the handle before the door flew open, and there I was met with Millie, Beth, and Jordan. God, what did I get myself into? 

I looked back at Leah one final time, before whispering to her.

"From now on, you do not know me" Leah bowed her head down and I walked away, back to Laurens's room, where I knew I was safe.

I felt eyes burning into the back of me but I didn't care, let her stare she was nothing to me and she never would be.

I made it back to Lauren's room and practically fell through the door, I couldn't keep the tears in any longer. Lauren rushed over and grabbed me, leading me to the bed where she let me lay and cry into her chest.