Are we forbidden?

twenty-three

7.07.22

"Leah has liked my story of you, Ro," 

That sentence had words I didn't want to hear together right now, like and leah in a sentence felt wrong.

As much as I did not want to be thinking about her, I couldn't stop. She was constantly on my mind, the good and the bad it was always her. 

'I didn't want to do it, but Jordan and I have a past, a past I didn't want to bring you into, I'm sorry' Was she telling the truth? Even if she was that was no way to speak to me and no way to treat me. Any love she had for me was far from present during that entire conversation. 

"I don't care" Is what I said back to Lauren, but it was far from the truth. 

Lauren and I finished up our meal and headed back to the rest of the girls, who once again were in the chill room. Some playing on the Playstation, others playing basketball, all scattered around the room having a seemingly nice time.

Except for Leah, I tried not to look at her but how could I not? 

She was sitting on a beanbag just staring at her phone, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Had it not been for her actions, I would have gone over to comfort her but she made her feeling about me clear.

Lauren grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the card games, it took us a while but we finally ended up just playing snap. Quick, easy, and calm, so we thought. It brought out both of our competitive sides, causing us to burst into fits of laughter in the corner of the room, earning some occasional glances and giggles from the other girls who slowly began to crowd around us. 

After multiple games, we all decided it was best to head to bed, given we had training at 12 pm the next day. 

Taking my makeup off and letting my hair down felt like heaven. But climbing into a bed, was exactly what I needed.

"Goodnight Lauren" I whispered, unaware if she was still awake. 

After not getting a response I took it as she was and rolled over. I wanted to fall asleep so badly, but I just couldn't no matter what I did. 

Deep down I knew why, I hadn't slept in a bed alone for quite some time. It felt lonely and almost cold.

I laid there wide awake begging my body to let me go to sleep, but after an hour of my wishes being ignored, I threw on a hoodie and some pyjama bottoms and made my way outside, finding a bench. 

I was careful not to wake Lauren, knowing how much she likes her sleep I could not be the one to wake her up. 

The air was peaceful and crisp as if all the heat had been snatched away. There was something relaxing about the feeling of goosebumps forming on my skin, and the slightly harsh intakes of breath to combat the cold air as it hit the back of my throat. 

The stars were brighter than they had been, the light they produce breaking through the darkness of the night and painting a picture in the sky. I was in a trance staring upward.

I took in one last breath before heading towards the door, calm enough to try once again to fall asleep. As I opened the door, it opened forcefully in my direction, the person on the other side helping it.

Jordan.

"Sorr-" Was all she said, before looking at me and realising who I was. 

Upon what seemed like an inspection of my face, she moved to the left of me to the position I was just standing in not a minute prior.

After taking in the awkward situation and gathering my thoughts, I once again opened the door this time feeling no resistance. 

"Nice hoodie" I heard Jordan scoff from behind me, looking down I realised I was wearing Leah's hoodie.