ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜰʀᴇᴇ - regulus black

chapter 17

Days passed by, and the weather got greyer and sadder, just like Octavia's heart, she thought with melancholy as she watched the rain pour outside. Soon enough snow flakes started falling too and her heart wrenched in coldness, with the pain that came along. Only Lilah seemed to discern her desperate state but Octavia would always claim she was doing fine. Maximilian was too happy in his little world to notice any wrong in her. How could he guess when she seemed so enthusiastic to spend the night with him again. She didn't want to hurt him, she had done enough harm already.

Regulus didn't try to talk to her. And even when he would look her way, she would merely ignore him. She knew she was being awfully disdainful and wasn't having the best attitude despite the fact he had helped her, genuinely. She just wanted to be as far as possible from him, for as long as she could at least, since he was the cause of all of her problems.

And in the end, Octavia stopped crying because of Max, because of Regulus, because of everyone. She numbed the pain.

Holidays arrived soon and Octavia was glad to go back home for once. But that feeling only lasted too short. School was becoming too stressful, but she knew why she liked being there so much, because being at home was even more stressful.

Her mother was constantly on her back, sending critical remarks that she would rather not hear. Her father was being the cold, emotionless man she had always known. At least she was reunited with her brothers. They could relax and laugh together, it reminded her of their childhood. They could go days without speaking at Hogwarts, and they could rarely meet altogether as they were often busy.

No mention of Maximilian and Regulus were made, the two subjects she wanted the most to avoid. Evan knew Max and had never been fond of her boyfriend obviously, and the two boys knew better than to talk about the Black boy. So it was mostly light and funny conversations, like these siblings loved to have.

The usual parties took place during the holidays. Those times were spent with Lilah, Jaden and Zephyr. They were giggling stupidly in a corner of the room, as always.

"Octavia, why your mother dances like she has a broom up her arse?" snickered Zephyr while trying not to choke on his saliva as he was muffling his laughter.

"I don't know... Look at how she stands, she's so stiff like a stick!"

"Your father was nice enough to invite her Zeph, look at his face, her horrible perfume is reaching his nostrils and he's about to throw up for sure," muttered Lilah with a small laugh.

"Her perfume is indeed disgusting, I feel like choking whenever I smell it argh," added Octavia while scrunching up her nose in disgust.

This was the best moment of the whole holidays. The only fun moment where Octavia felt like herself. And when she thought she was finally going back to Hogwarts and that it would finally be peaceful, she realized how foolish she was. There was no peace for her anymore. Not at home, not at school, nowhere.

She had barely stepped foot on platform 9 ¾ on January 4th that she was already engulfed by a strong pair of arms. It was unexpected, it shook her and shocked her. Maximilian didn't notice or didn't seem to care, he was already ranting about his amazing holidays. Sometimes she felt like he was forgetting in what world she was living. She never talked about her holidays, he never asked about them.

It was only after dinner that she was freed of him. She had a hard time bearing him, just like she had a hard time bearing anyone who wasn't one of her three friends. But when Regulus came to find her, it was the last straw.

"Mother disapproved of your attitude. At the party, the other day," was all he said as he came walking to her side on the way to the common room.

"I don't care about what your mummy has to say about me," grumbled the girl, looking forwards and not sparing him a single glance.

"I know this but she just wanted me to tell you. Because we're engage-"

"Shut up. Shut up! Stop mentioning it, I know it damn well! And I don't care about her, and about you! I hate her and I... I hate you!" she exclaimed, with more weakness than she intended to.

Regulus said nothing, showed nothing. He stared back at her as her eyes wouldn't leave his. She looked upset, he looked concerned. She already regretted saying all of this, she should have stayed quiet and walked away.

But now she couldn't make a move. She felt petrified by his kneeling gaze. And at the same time hypnotized. His grey eyes were so enchanting. And this glint of sincerity and concern in them, it made her lose control. Octavia looked down in shame and suddenly, she kissed Regulus. She just pressed her lips to his in a soft movement and retrieved back instantly, still standing close. Regulus was obviously surprised but it took him barely a second to react and kiss back after. Her lips moved in harmony with his. Something so foreign that was also so addicting. Something she couldn't feel with Max. And suddenly, all the blissfulness and warmth she was feeling got washed away by the guilt slowly eating her up.

She stopped much to his disappointment. "We shouldn't. I shouldn't."

She murmured, looking down at her feet and Regulus' by how close they were. Their foreheads were leaning onto each other's but she wouldn't look in his eyes.

"Why?"

"There's Max and... I... I hate you..."

And with that, she stormed away, leaving him stuck in the middle of a corridor. She never looked back at him. All she could think about was how much she hated herself. She was mad at herself. She knew she lied and hoped he believed her. Knowing it was a lie, she hated herself for that.

But Regulus was confused. He didn't know what to think anymore and maybe he felt a bit hurt.

Once again that night, Lilah saw her friend coming back looking troubled. Her eyes were red but there was no trace of tears. She didn't say anything and waited for her to open up despite the fact she had the urge to do so because she hated seeing her like that. Something was bothering Octavia and all she wanted was to help

Maximilian was never seeing the desperate state of his girlfriend. She felt extremely anxious by his side, and was nervous he might announce he discovered all of the little game she has been playing. Being a whore that was it. He would say it, she knew him. What worried her was that he was also graduating soon. Even though the more time passed, the more she disliked his company, she didn't want their relationship to break apart. He was the only thing linking her to the other side, the bright side, where she belonged. Or maybe not. She was being sly as a Slytherin should, maybe she didn't belong there in the end. And she was again torturing her mind. Moreover she was afraid being far from him would give space for Regulus to settle in her life. Tension was constantly building up between them, getting them closer than she would like to. Octavia was simply messing everything up. She needed to get closer to Max to be sure their relationship would stay solid and especially needed Regulus as far as possible.

author's note: this chapter seems a bit short? i hope it's no problem. anyway, octavia is actually quite complexed, she's an overthinker and seems to be changing her mind very often, i think that's interesting