ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜰʀᴇᴇ - regulus black

chapter 15

TW: non-consensual sex 

It was a Saturday morning and the wind was blowing softly onto the students' cheeks and it was enough to turn them red from the cold. This beginning of October was windy and announcing a stormy weather for the next days. Octavia was currently walking cuddled up to Maximilian as it was indeed cold. They were taking the direction of the pitch where a Quidditch match was about to start. Though feeling guilty about the kisses shared with Regulus, the girl tried to spend as much time as possible in the company of her boyfriend, hoping it would fade away. It didn't, the feeling only increased. She had been ignoring him for the last few days but unfortunately she couldn't look away from him as he was one of the players of this match. Slytherin vs Hufflepuff. Max had been curious to see what each team's new players were like, he wasn't going to watch the match, he came to analyze it. Octavia came as she didn't have much to do. Of course she didn't come to watch her team, she couldn't care less about Slytherin's defeat or victory. And she wished she wouldn't care about their incredible seeker but he was an amazing player, flying so fast yet so gracefully, with so much agility. At least, Felix came to play for the last minutes. He did amazing and she couldn't feel prouder when she saw him stop the quaffle once, twice and about three times. However, she felt angry when Regulus made the team win. She would rather see them lose and not have such a good player in the team.

"How did you find the match?" asked the redhead girl as she was walking back to Hogwarts with her boyfriend who seemed deep in thought.

"What did you think about your team?" he suddenly asked in return.

She hadn't expected this and looked at him slightly confused, "I'm not sure... I think they're pretty good..."

"They are, right! And Felix whoa! This boy got so good!"

A feeling of gratitude and warmth took over her chest. She looked at the impressed look on her boyfriend's face, and his content smile, and her eyes sparkled in happiness.

"You think so too? He practiced so hard!"

A gentle look took over his features suddenly and it surprised the girl.

"You're such an amazing big sister you know. Only him can make your eyes shine like this. I'm kind of jealous," and he chuckled afterwards while the girl felt a sudden feeling of embarrassment take over her. She was sure even her cheeks had turned crimson at the compliment. He was probably right.

Again after that day, Octavia tried to spend as much time as she could with Max, still trying to make the feeling of guilt disappear. She hadn't realized she wasn't even staying with him for his presence anymore. And unfortunately, it didn't work. She still felt as nervous whenever she would meet him. But she tried to hide her discomfort. The girl would smile more, laugh to his jokes, respond harder to his kisses and press his hands to her body whenever they would get adventurous while she would remove them unconsciously before.

It was another Saturday that they were spending together. It was after dinner, Max had invited Octavia to his room for some alone time he hoped would be calm and enjoyable as he told her. But as soon as he started kissing her, she realized he had other intentions. She fought off the will to escape from his hold, she told herself a while ago that she wouldn't stop him anymore. And she didn't. She never complained to any of his touch neither.

"I felt that you wanted to take the next step so I hope it's okay," he murmured with a little smirk, his bright brown eyes staring straight into hers. She was trying not to express any discomfort the words awoke in her as he continued looking deep into her blue irises.

"It's okay..." she told him with a nod. Her voice was so quiet, she could hear her own hesitation, which he didn't seem to get.

Max held her tightly, his body was so hot, but none of his warmth seemed to pass through her body. Maybe she felt cold, like dying inside. She was too focused on the pain anyway. She didn't know Max could ever hurt her. But she didn't say anything. She stared up at the ceiling while his face was muffled in her neck, his hot breathe hitting her skin and she felt disgusted. When his wet lips kissed her she felt disgusted again. And again when his wandering hands touched her body, and even if it wasn't the first time, this time it felt foreign. She was glad she couldn't see him. Hearing him and feeling him on every inch of her body was enough.

At some point his body stopped moving and her body ceased every movement as well. He got off her to lay by her side, his weight lifting off her and she felt like breathing again. Sex wasn't as good as others made it sound, she thought at first. Not even as good as Lilah made it sound. No excitation, no pleasure, only emptiness and numbness. And the burning pain that wouldn't go away, and the sensations of his hands all over her, and his voice saying her name. Except that he was actually calling her name.

"Octavia?"

"Yes?" she turned her eyes to face him. He had a frown on his features, he must have called her name a few times before she finally heard him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay." No she wasn't. But she smiled at him, covering up the lie that threatened to be exposed at every passing second. She felt like bursting in tears suddenly.

"I'm glad," answered the boy, a huge smile now crossing his features. To him, sex was as good as others made it sound, she knew it. Maybe he knew it already before that day but Octavia didn't know anything regarding his past relationships. "We've waited for so long! Fabian won't believe we finally did it. I was waiting for you to be ready, you know of course, but I told him about how scared I was you'd wait until getting married! Stupid isn't it? We've been dating for two years now, it was the right time and about time should I say."

No it wasn't the right time and no she wasn't ready.

But Octavia hummed as she continued smiling. "I should go back, it's probably late already."

When she looked up at the clock, noticed it was past 10 already. How come less than one hour had passed by when she felt like she had been lying down there for an eternity.

"Right, want me to bring you back?" he wondered as he propped up on his elbows, about to stand up and get dressed.

"No!" she exclaimed right away, a bit too energetically, it surprised both. "No, it's fine. Stay in bed I'm going to be fine. You must be tired," she chuckled nervously, not looking at him as he sat to look at her. She didn't want to see more of his body and she didn't want him to see more of hers as well. The girl quickly gathered her clothes messily laying on the floor. She got dressed as fast as possible, trying to ignore his stare on her and when she looked back at him, he seemed confused. Of course Max would be confused, she was literally trying to escape. Especially after such an significant moment for them.

"Hm, I'm sorry I'm tired okay..? I'll see you tomorrow. I love you," she told him mechanically while kissing his cheek. For how long has her head been talking instead of her heart. It was like an automatism, she didn't want to say it but it was needed.

"Sleep well sweetheart," he told her then as she smiled at him one last time.

A few people were still in the common room. She ignored them and barged out of the room as quickly as possible, trying not to draw attention to her. Octavia ran to the common room. She didn't know where the strength came from, especially since she could feel her whole body burning but she was sure of one thing: she wanted to get as far as possible from him.