Found her

Chapter 29 | Stars

For Blackweadow10

TW: PANIC ATTACK

S A D I E

'I'm telling him.' I say, standing up. Jax looks up from his place on the couch, a Vogue magazine in his hand and I see Matheo on the cover.

'Mhm?'

I sit back down. 'I'm not telling him.'

'You have to tell him one day.' He says, going back to his magazine. 'He's going to be surprised if his daughter doesn't get into Harvard.'

I groan. 'I don't want to go. I wanna go to Berkeley with you.'

At that, Jax gets up and sits next to me, his expression genuine. 'Sadie. What do you want?'

'I don't know.' I mutter, putting my head in my hands, elbows on my knees.

'Forget your dad, forget what he wants. Forget Ezra's education. What do you want?'

'I wanna study English Literature.' I whisper. 'Maybe write a book, I don't know...'

'Then do that.' He says simply.

'He won't like that.' I mutter.

'The hell what he think!' He says angrily. 'It's your life, Say. Just because Ezra died doesn't mean you have to be a carbon copy of him. Be you! If being a doctor is not you, then don't do it. If Harvard is not you, also don't do it.'

I lay my head against the couch, looking at the ceiling. 'I'll go tell him.'

***

I haven't been in Dad's office in a very long time. It's his place. His sanctuary. No one is allowed inside, unless there is an emergency. He spends most of his time locked in there. Days can go by and my Dad wouldn't even care to ask about his daughter.
I don't mind. Our relationship has grown worse after Ezra's death, probably because Ezra was Dad's favourite, even when I was a child.

I take a deep breath. I have to do this. We start senior year in a week. I have to tell him I'm not doing it.

I knock lightly.

A gruff, 'What?' comes from behind the door.

I slightly open the door and poke my head in. My dad is behind his desk, typing away on his computer, mounts of paperwork beside him. He barely looks up from his work.

I walk in and plop in the seat in front of him. 'May I speak to you about something?'

'I'm listening.' He says, still not looking up, his eyes glued on his computer. He takes a sip of his coffee.

'Well, I got a few responses from colleges. Y'know tips and stuff. Some said I have a good chance of getting in with my grades.' I say, fiddling with the bracelets on my wrist.

'Harvard?'

Here it comes.

'Um, no. Well, yes. I- I did get a response from Harvard.'

'Great. You'll be a doctor in no time.' He says, still not looking up at me.

'I-I don't want to get into Harvard.'

At that Dad's eyes meet mine, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

'I don't want to get into Harvard, I don't want to study med. I wanna study English Lit.'

By now, Dad looks disgusted. 'Yeah? And what become a teacher?'

'A teacher, an author, a professor. I don't care. I'll be doing something I love.'