Forever Never

Chapter Fourteen | What is Love

Tyana

I felt a sudden need to change my pants after Leroy's brief visit and didn't care if it didn't match with the blouse. Mom and grandma were in the kitchen cooking breakfast and I couldn't help but notice mom's gaze boring into me as I saw a teasing glint in there.

"So you gonna tell us who that fine young man was?" mom asked. Grandma stopped in motion to look between me and her, leaving the oven agape and standing there with the freshly baked scones on the dark tray.

"What young man?" she asked too. Even Daise was staring at me, looking up from where she sat in the corner playing with her rat toy.

"He was just dropping off something I forgot last night," I replied, trying not to think of our conversation earlier where he asked me out.

"You forget or leave it on purpose?" mom then said. She winked at me with a teasing smile. "You took a few tricks from my book huh?"

"Don't act like I wasn't the one who taught you everything you know," grandma scoffed.

"I actually did forget it. Put the scones down before you burn yourself through the mittens grandma." I told her and she suddenly remembered what she was doing.

Mom then exchanged a look with grandma. "Where'd you forget it?" she too seemed to forget about the sizzling pan with scrambled eggs and bacon.

I felt like I would regret answering that. "In his jacket. That's the last thing Imma say. Stop interrogating me." I told them.

She looked at grandma again. "In his jacket," mom said.

"In his jacket," grandma said in return. They looked like aliens interacting in some nonverbal language I couldn't understand. I just rolled my eyes instead.

"You two are annoying," I told them.

Grandma clasped her hands together. "Well anyway, I have the whole day planned and we're gonna have the time of our lives. But first, some breakfast."

Grandma's scones spread with some jam was hard to beat and I ate two portions of the eggs and bacon and scrambled eggs. Next on her list was for all three of us to go out shopping and getting our hair, nails and lashes done. I brought Daise along so I could get her walk done too. The best part about the shopping was when we put on a little show, trying on ridiculously paired outfits and posing for selfies.

It was as if all tension and awkwardness from this morning had vanished. I had my hair done into a cornrow braided updo and bought a fitted satin dress with a thigh slit all for the night out grandma had planned.

We hit up one of the nightclubs later during the evening and watching Grandma dance like there was no tomorrow was always a sight. But mom on the other hand genuinely warmed my heart. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen her this carefree and happy as she danced with grandma. It was as if that other phase of her showed up again, that one I'd missed for so long. And suddenly I understood why grandma invited her along.

We stepped away from the dance floor to catch our breath and a few drinks but grandma stayed. She had no shame as she danced in a huddle with several grandpas and all mom and I could do was watch from the sidelines.

"I can't believe we came from her," I laughed, watching her throw it back on those oldheads and genuinely worried she'd throw her back out.

"I can. You should've seen me when I was your age," mom said. Her gaze stayed on me and in the silent moment I saw something unreadable flicker in her eyes.

It seemed she was seeing me in a new light, maybe in an old light just like I was. Suddenly her hand raised slowly to my cheek and I didn't do anything about her thumb gently caressing me.

"But you've always been a little shy. It's one of the things that's irresistibly charming about you," she added and I didn't sense anything patronizing about that.

Grandma finally stepped away from the dance floor too, leaving those grandpas thirsting after her, and instead approached us at our table. She grabbed one of the drinks and downed it in one swipe.

"I might go home with one of them fellas tonight, maybe more than one," she said exasperated and both mom and I grimaced almost in sync at the imagery.

"Gross, ma," mom said. "But I'm happy for you," she added.

"Yeah have fun," I chuckled.

Grandma looked at me instead. "You gonna follow suit?" she asked teasingly.

I sighed. "We back on Leroy?"

"Oh look at that, we know his name," mom said and that glance they kept exchanging was getting on my damn nerves. "What's the situation with yall anyway?"

"Complicated." I grabbed my drink and took a big sip.

"Ain't it always?" grandma said.

"He's my best friend's brother," I clarified and they both puffed.

"Yeah that is definitely complicated," mom said, looking out in front of her lost in thought. "But look you really like him, don't you? You can deny it and lie to yourself all you want but I know you. You can't help who you like and I'm sure your homegirl will understand that."

I chuckled, rather nervously. "I don't think this applies, Ma. Like this is girl code."

"And I'm telling ya, if it's a matter of the heart and she really loves you she will understand."

I leaned forward, unsure. "I don't know..." I sighed.

The Elle I was trying not to see, that Tim did, would definitely not understand. I didn't have the best luck when it came to men and if things went bad with Leroy, as it inevitably did with me and men, I would hate to put Elle in the middle of it all. But on the other hand I would really like to see where this thing can go.

"Since you're so in my business today, how about you? Any guys been catching your eye lately?" I asked mom, since Grandma's situation was known.

She shook her head, with her second drink hovering below her mouth. "I've pretty much retired from all that. Your daddy was enough for me," she said.

"You deserve better, Ma. And you deserve to be happy again. You're allowed to go back out there." I told her and she sighed.

"Must we have this conversation every time we talk, Ty?" she asked. "Why is it so hard for you to believe your daddy and I loved each other? He was good to me. I was his rock and he was mine," she said, visibly trying to hold herself back from snapping at me.

Grandma stepped in. "Let's not ruin the night, now," she said in an attempt to de-escalate the situation.

I felt a stabbing sensation behind my eyelids, as if a dosen nails were slightly brushing against the wall back there, and tried steading my breathing as I met her distant gaze. "That was not love and you know it," I told her, my voice low and about to get mushy any minute now.

It was as if that phase of her that finally showed herself decades later suddenly vanished with zero traces. And that was enough to make me want to weep. I hated how she managed to convince herself dad was all she deserved and ever will. That man drank himself into an early grave and took my mama right with him.

She moved so suddenly that I almost winced before I realized she was just gathering her things. "I'm calling it a night," she said and stormed off without another word.

Grandma gave me an accusatory look. "How am I in the wrong here? You never even liked dad and you agree with me."

"I may not be that man's biggest fan, but you gotta know how it sounds to be told the one person you loved so deeply never in his right would feel that for you," she said.

"She deserves better."

Grandma tilted her head. "I know. But you need a better approach than this."

I had heard stories about mom and him when they were just dating, around my age, and how she always said there was no one else for her. Nothing grandma did or said could stop them from being with each other so she forced herself to accept it in order to not lose her daughter completely.