Forever Never

Chapter Twenty-four | Cutting The Chain

Tyana

I had decided to wait with my "break-up" with Tim until he was out of the hospital, healthy, and til I was comfortable with him living on his own so soon. But truthfully, a small part of my waiting was also due to me chickening out and looking for any excuse to push it up as far as possible. In the end though I knew it was something I had to do and couldn't avoid any longer.

There was a light on in the living room which I could see through the window from where I sat in my car outside the building, mustering the courage to get up there.

"Want me to come up with you?" Leroy asked.

I shook my head. "He's not exactly your biggest fan so your presence definitely wouldn't be appreciated."

"I'll be here then if you need me." he told me, a smile on his lips as he gently squeezed my hand for good measure.

Finally I opened the door and stepped out, approaching the building and climbed the stairs to the fifth floor. I had already texted him that I was on my way and he'd told me to just head inside without ringing or knocking which I did.

He was in the living room for once, sunken into his couch and staring at the TV. An empty plate sat on the coffee table beside his legs. The stains on it let me know it was from an actual meal, which helped ease my mind a bit.

"Hey," I spoke as I approached the couch and sat beside him. "How you feeling?"

"Good." he replied, shooting me smile. "I wouldn't still be here if it weren't for you, Ty. So I wanna say thanks."

"About that... there's something I need to talk to you about," I began, hesitant as I studied his expression. He paused the TV and turned his full attention to me. I inhaled big time, bracing myself before continuing. "I think you and I are better off not... being in each other's lives."

His gaze was filled with pure confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you get it, Tim? We're not good for each other. I mean deep down you must see that too, right? Every time we try and stay close to one another, we just end up burning ourselves in the process."

I noticed the way his face gradually changed as he seemed to be absorbing what I was actually saying. "Are you saying you don't wanna be there for me anymore?"

"I'm saying I can't. I need to focus on me for once. You understand, right?"

His gaze was now distant. "I understand you're trying to abandon me."

"That's not it! I'm just not equipped to give you what you actually need, and it's fucking up our lives. Trust me, I'm not what you need."

He scoffed, leaning back in the couch as he was back to watching the TV. "If you wanna leave go ahead. It's what you do anyway. First your dad, and now me. Again."

I felt the tears burning behind my eyelids as a lump began forming in my throat. "Stop saying that." I replied, my voice strained from the effort of keeping all the tears at bay. "I wanted to come tell you in person because I thought you at least deserved that much. And you can be hostile and guilt trip me all you want but I'm not budging. Not this time. I will no longer be part of your life."

My voice was now firmer and the tears were slowly retreating. He was back to looking at me as his harsh gaze was much softer, his eyes pleading.

"Don't do this, Ty. Don't you get that I need you? I'm getting better because of you!"

I shook my head. "That's exactly it. You don't need me. Me sticking around for so long is what's holding both of us back and keeping us stuck. Again and again we just keep falling back into old destructive and harmful ways, because we simply won't let go. It's time we go our separate ways, maybe for good. For both our sake and well-being."

When he didn't speak I continued, reiterating my point in different words hoping it'd sink in. "I'm finally choosing to work on undoing these patterns. Which is why I need to be on my own, we've stifled each other for too long. I hope you choose to do the same."

His eyes were now becoming watery. "I can't do this by myself."

"You don't have to. You can always try therapy again. And you still have your mom, if only you'd just talk to her. But it can't be me. I'm sorry."

"Okay," he finally said. "I understand."

His hands wiped at the tears, but more appeared. I wanted to hug him, hold him close for one last embrace. But he was so distant from me at the moment that I thought better of it. He got up, placed the remote on the coffee table and slipped out to the balcony. I figured he wanted some space and didn't follow after him.

A few minutes later I had an incoming call from Leroy that I picked up. His voice was hyperventilating for some reason. "Hey are you seeing Tim standing on the rail of the balcony??"

"What?" I flew up, hurrying to open the balcony and my heart felt like it was a broken elevator as I stared up at the man eerily standing on the rail. "Tim..." my voice trembled, my breath hitching.

"I can't keep doing this," he spoke, his voice mushy. "If I don't have you, then there's no point to keep suffering this shit. You wanna abandon me just like Cory? Do it. I'm not gonna stop you."

"Will you please get down," I pleaded, the tears now flowing down my cheeks.

From here I could hear the door slam open in the hall and a few moments later Leroy was beside me, informing me he'd already called 911 as soon as he saw him from inside the car.

I kept begging Tim to get down, but he only kept going with his mumbling. His back was turned to us so he couldn't see Leroy slowly moving closer to him as he would fall if he tried to glance our way, while I kept him distracted by continuing my pleading.

A well of relief washed over me as Leroy managed to grab and pull him down, my voice quivering. Tim attempted to fight Leroy off him, but failed as Leroy pinned him down just in time for the medics to get to us.

***

It felt like I was out of every last teardrop, as I made my way up the stairs to my apartment. Leroy was right behind me. But as soon as I entered through the door I felt my knees give way and I collapsed against the wall as another wave of tears welled out of me. Leroy sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms where I soaked his collar.

His soft voice whispered reassuring words to me as he kept me tightly in his embrace. I pulled my head up a little after a few moments and he rubbed his thumb under my eyes. The eye contact lingered for a silent while. Eventually I leaned my face closer, locking my lips to his.

But he stopped me before the kiss could get any deeper, pulling his head away as I had my hand wandering down his chest. "Not like this, Ty." he said softly.

That only made me desire him more, and I wanted to assure him I wanted this. But he didn't seem like he would listen to any of that and I instead laid my head back on his chest, realising he was right.