Forever Never

Chapter Twenty-one | Wall of Affirmations

Leroy

Ty's room was quite nice, much prettier than mine. The walls were a nice shade of apricot, covered with Nina Simone posters and Maya Angelou quotes. One of the walls was covered from top to bottom in post-it notes that together created this abstract yet simultaneously figurative art of a black woman from the waist up, who was in turn made up of affirmations that were on each note.

I got off the bed to read some of them up close. My favorites were "Breathe", "Focus on blessings", "A flower must always bloom" and "One in a billion".

"Did you make this?" I asked Ty as she had came back from the bathroom.

"My grandma had something similar in her house and I just always loved it growing up so I tried to make my own," she replied.

"And do you always listen to your wall?" I was back to facing it, reading some more of the notes.

"If I said yes, I'd be lying." she said, sitting on her bed and picked up her phone. "Holy shit-" she was staring at something on her phone and I walked over to see what.

It was a comment under the song I'd helped her film earlier that she uploaded merely hours ago and had blown up on her feed. All I had to do was hold up the camera for her and she did the rest. The comment was from someone named DJ Slim, offering her a chance to work with him on a demo he would then send to a few connections he had.

"Who's DJ Skim milk?" I mildly joked teasingly.

"Only one of the best producers in recent memory. Probably produced some of your favorite tracks."

"Oh shit so this is like a legit offer?" I raised my eyebrows and she nodded. I tilted my head at that in genuine confusion. "What the hell are you waiting for then? Tell him yes already! This could be the start of fulfilling your dream."

She sighed. "I'm just not sure I guess. Like I don't even know if this is what I want at the moment. I doubt much will even come from it so it's like is it worth getting my hopes up over it?"

"The way I see it, this is a massive opportunity that's just too good to give up. I say just go for it and see whatever comes of it. You can always change your mind later if you don't want to go forward with signing to label or anything, but don't give up the opportunity from jump." I said.

She looked at the comment again and I could see a big part of her was still hesitant, "I don't know..." she huffed, unsure.

"Or at least take some time to really think over it." I adviced.

"Yeah I'll do that." she said and began typing up a response.

It never ceased to baffle me how much Ty undercut herself and her talents, and the way she was always so shocked by the fact that people responded positively to her music. Listening to her on her Instagram was a completely different experience from sitting right in front of her as she sang and played her guitar. I would even go as far as to say the camera didn't do her mesmerising voice justice. I had never been to a concert but I understood why people loved going.

***

By the time the credits were rolling on the movie I put on Ty's TV, she was snoring ever so lightly with her head rested on my shoulder. I was too focused on the movie that I didn't even notice she had fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful, but as soon as I moved to try and place her head down on the pillow she jolted awake.

"What happened? What time is it?" she asked, looking around half asleep.

"You fell asleep. I thought I'd go home and let you sleep," I told her and she looked at me as she tiredly rubbed her eyes. She seemed to notice the wet spot on my shirt from her drooling on me.

"Oh god did I fall asleep on you? That's so embarrassing," she sighed and I gave her a small smile.

"I don't mind."

She checked her phone and then frantically jumped out of bed. "Fuck," she went under her breath and I was confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I promised Tim I'd be back. Completely forgot about it. I gotta go," she said as she slipped on a coat.

"Don't you wanna get rest though? You seemed very tired," I wondered, gradually getting concerned about her whole demeanor at the moment.

I wondered when the last time she got a good night's sleep was. It seemed the slightest movement from me startled her awake.

"He's expecting me back. I have to be there," she insisted as she came back around the bed to her side to grab her purse.

"Ty," I went as I found myself gently grabbing her hand, halting her. She finally stopped and soon sat back down on the edge of the bed. "When was the last time you slept well?" I finally asked.

"I don't know. Haven't slept really since my grandma and mom left. And this scare with Tim has pretty much made me insomniac."

"I understand you're scared and worried sick. But he's okay now right? You saved him. And now he's in the care of professionals and he's not going anywhere," I felt my thumb gently caressing the back of her hand. "Don't let your brain tell you what happened was your fault or you need to be there every waking moment and sacrifice your own health and well-being. That's not gonna do any good to either of you. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you. saved. him."

Her eyes became a little watery and she evaded her gaze as she wiped away the tears that managed to force their way down. I grabbed her chin and gently turned her face towards me as I reiterated what I just told her. She let me bring her close and sobbed in my arms.

"Get some rest, okay?" I kissed the top of her head gently. "I'll head home so you can have some peace."

She gripped my shirt as she picked her head up from my chest. "Will you stay?" she asked looking all teary-eyed.

I nodded. "If it'll help."

She put her head down on my chest again. "God," she sniffled as her breath hitched due to the heavy sobbing. "I'm a mess."

"We're all a mess." I told her. "Want me to sing you a lullaby? I promise my voice isn't all too bad."

She chuckled against my body. "I'm not five."

I began humming and slowly rocking side to side to which she chuckled some more until she was laughing. "Is my voice that bad even when humming?"

"No it's not that."

I continued humming. "What's so funny then?"

"You're humming my song."

"Goes hard as a lullaby doesn't it?"

"You're so unserious," she said but I kept humming.

Eventually a peaceful silence settled in the room, the only noise being my humming. I looked down at a lightly snoring Ty as she'd finally fallen asleep.