MORE THAN ONE SOULMATE... ( Sarah Paulson )

XXVI - Going South

(Sarah's POV)

"Don't be silly"- you joke, laughingly at the unexpected question. Having the upper hand of lying down on the bed on top of yn.

"Why does that make me silly?" - She asks, clearly a little confused but still putting her arms endearingly around your waist.

-"What?" - You whisper, trying to rerun in your mind the words you had just heard out of y/n's mouth. Your face losing the rosy colors it usually displays. Y/n clearly trying to read your reaction, unsuccessfully. -"Are you serious?" - you ask once her question and serious expression starts sinking in.

-"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it yourself..." - She says sincerely and you now swallow the dryness that has settled in your throat, as you realize she is clearly serious about it.

-"Not seriously... It's one thing to have a fantasy pop up in your head once or twice... It's a very different thing to take action on it or even seriously consider it..."

-"Well... From what I've been able to put together, this was Holland's plan all along and you are not a dummy, you know it too..." - She counters and you take your hand and caress her face gently, forehead frowning with the newly presented debate topic.

-" y/n..." - you say with a serious face, - "I know what Holland has running around in her mind, but this... you are the one I wasn't expecting this from"- you explain trying to make her understand your point of view, - "Ever since we met, I have been getting an impression from you, and this is totally unexpected... And just because Holland wants, that's not law..."

-"So you don't?!" - She tries to get more clear feedback. - ''And you just said that she always gets what she wants... "

-"Honestly, no. I don't know if I even want that... Why risk ruining the great thing that we have going on? I don't feel like we need a third..."

-"What are you talking about Sarah?" - She says, abruptly, - "I am the fucking third in this triangle..."

-"You are way too innocent for this" - you argue, right before you come to the conclusion... - '' Wait... Is that what you are worried about? Being left out?"

-"I'm not innocent sarah..." - She quickly rebuffs, insulted, - "I've just finished fucking a married woman... " - she says, raising her voice a little.

-"yn... stop..." - you ask gently, stopping her from talking with a finger on her lips, trying to break the escalation of the conversation. - "You are innocent..." - you repeat, gentle as can be,- "and that's one of the best qualities you have... Don't ever take that as an insult..." - she clearly sighs, not happy with the label you are attributing her, but calming down nonetheless, - "a couple of days ago, you wouldn't trust me with your naked body... how can you claim to be ready to be a sexual toy of someone you've never even met?" - she's clearly annoyed now that you used that card on her, and as she tries to break eye contact you grab her chin sweetly and redirect her eyes to you- "Look... I don't think you are ready... And to be honest, even if you were, I don't want that..."

-"Are you sure?" - she asks, shyly and embracing your waist tightly. - "I don't want to lose you..."

-"yn... One of the main reasons why this feels so special," - you peck her lips softly, - "me and you, it's because it's romantic regardless of the context... I don't want to be pushing you through your 5th or 6th orgasm as Holland would. I want to kiss you tight, hold your hand and feel your body tense when you reach the first, maybe the second or even the third one if you are feeling freaky, but that's it... And you are not gonna lose me..."

- "I'm sorry for bringing this up then... I

I wouldn't have guess that this would be your..." - she starts but you interrupt her quickly.

-"Shhhh" - you shush her, - "Don't apologize... I'm glad we cleared this up..." - you say smiling softly and starting to kiss her naked chest once again making her shiver and moan slightly. - "if i'm being perfectly honest, I have to admit I'm actually a little nervous for when Holland comes back, I can see how this whole thing can suddenly start going south and the last thing I want is to hurt either of you or make you uncomfortable..."

-"Why do you say that?" - she whisper-asks.

-"You were right when you guessed that Holland might have some expectations..." - you pause, laying your head on her shoulder, - "And she doesn't enjoy not fulfilling the expectations that she has..."

***

-"Oh c'monnn...Who are you trying to deceive, Sarah Paulson? Me, or yourself? You knew this is where this was heading all along..." - Jessica says, after you just finished confessing the conversation that had happened between you and yn the night before, while you both shared a tea in your trailer, located on the AHS set of the season you were currently filming.

-" Jess... This is nowhere near what I wanted to accomplish..." - you say shaking your head to her comment, - "If you only knew yn you'd know that having Holland's hands on her is the last thing that she needs..."

"No, you are right on that... This is not what you wanted, this is what Holland wanted, isn't it? Not you... You're falling head over heels for this girl... I"I could see it in your face the day I went to return winnie and you wouldnt let me in" - she says understandingly, - "the entire time, she had this all figured out, didn't she? Manipulating you to maybe find an easy prey that you could both relish on...what neither of you expected was that you'd actually fall in love with dinner..."

-"I know you've always thought that Holland is some kind of sexual deviant... But I don't think she deserves your judgmental thoughts... She's always been truthful to herself and she's not afraid to get it..."

-"Yeah, you have to give her some credit... She put a spell on you, years ago when you were almost a puppy following her around, and look at the position she got you right now..." - Jess chuckles, - "Drooling over the third that she suggested you find but that you are too scared to share with your partner..."

You sighed and stayed silent to that comment, regardless of the judgmental tone that Jess was having, you knew that she was only speaking facts. The facts that you needed to hear to open your eyes to reality. And yet you still love her so bad...