sunflower

18.

first skz song I listened to~

Minho's pov

"You and Jisung need to have a long talk.." Chan passes me a glass of water and my meds while I put Soonie down from the couch so he would stop scratching it.

"Why? He apologized, I told him it's fine." I pop the pill into my mouth and take a few sips of water. I don't really think it's that big of a deal. He didn't do anything wrong, I just got triggered for some reason and that triggered him and well... we know what happened next.

"It's not fine. You haven't had flashbacks in a long time, and I don't remember them ever being that bad."

"Could be worse.." I mumble and pick up Dori to calm myself down. I don't like talking about it...

"Maybe try telling him about your past..? He will understand." He sits down next to me and gives me a bowl of fried rice.

"Doubt that... thank you.." He gives me a small smile and nods.

"You're not going to eat?" I ask and he softly shakes his head. "I had a lunch with Jeongin earlier."

"How are things with you two? I mean, you're cute, but I honestly thought you said you weren't ready to commit."

"I wasn't.. until I met him. I mean, we hit it off instantly and the connection was always there..." he gives me a side eye before looking away. "Kinda like you and Jisung," he mumbles.

I almost drop my spoon and look him dead in the eyes. Why does he keep mentioning him?
"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean you clicked the first time you met and we all see that it isn't just a friendship between you too." He shrugs and folds his arms on his chest.

"You should get your eyesight checked out then." I turn my attention back to the bowl of rice and try my best to ignore his eyes piercing holes into the side of my face.

"We were assigned a new thing by Mrs. Kim today. We're split into pairs, junior and senior and we have to make a five minute choreography." I hum to let him know I'm listening and he chuckles.

"I'm with Jeongin. Hyunjin, Felix and Jisung were absent today so Changbin ended up with Choi Yeonjun and Felix has already texted me he's paired with Hyunjin... you know what that means..?" he asks teasingly and I look at him in confusion.

I mean, sure, Changbin and Yeonjung is going to be an energy bomb we're not ready for, plus their height difference will be funny, but I doubt that's what he's asking me.

"Changbin's going to die of jealousy..?" I ask back and he slowly nods. "Yeah, that too, but also~" he trails off again making me annoyed.

"Chan just speak your god damn mind, I'm not in the mood for this." I roll my eyes and put the bowl on the table in front of me. I'm not hungry. My stomach is still hurting.

"You're paired with Jisung." My breath hitches at his words. Making choreography together will take a lot of time, I don't know his abilities, what if he's not capable of keeping up with me? I will have to spend a lot of time with him, just the two of us to figure out a lot of things for this assignment.

That's going to hurt.

"What about Seungmin?"

"He's with Daehwi."

"Oh.. I don't know who that is.." I murmur and bring Dori closer to me so I can cuddle him.

Sudden feeling of sadness falls upon me and I can feel my eyes water with tears.

"We've known each other for a week and you've already fallen for me twice,"

"Minho you okay?"

"You're handsome Minho..."

"I like you Jisung."

"Yeah, I just.." I close my eyes and take a shaky breath. I don't think I'll be able to spend so much time around him. I told him it's alright, but it still hurt.

"I'm just looking for a distraction and you're so naïve that you jump straight into my trap. God, just leave me alone."

"No, you're not, come here." He pulls me into his tight embrace and I wrap my arms around him. I don't know what's happening, I'm scared I'll get hurt.

"Can you please call my mom..?" I sniffle into his shirt and cuddle even closer to him.

He's like the older brother I've never had. He knows things about me nobody else knows and he's always there for me despite having his own issues. I owe him so much for everything he's done for me.

"Sure thing." He smiles and dials my moms number on my phone.

"Good evening miss Lee!" He says cheerfully as soon as she picks up the phone and I cuddle closer to him.

I miss my mom...

"Oh, hello there Chan, how have you been?"

"Pretty good, actually. Found a boyfriend so I'm a bit happier. What about you?" He continues the small talk while gently stroking my back. I close my eyes. I love when he does that.

He's the only one that can touch me in that way and I'm comfortable.

Him and Jisung.

I close my eyes tighter and let out a quiet whimper. Why do I keep thinking about him? I don't want to have him in my mind all the time. It's exhausting.

"Minho's right here," he says. "Oh, well he's not doing very well to be honest. He met this boy and they hit it off reaaally quickly,"

"Oh my God did my Minho found himself a boyfriend?" Mom gasps in excitement and I bury my head closer to Chan's chest.

"No it's not like that mom, Chan's exaggerating. He's just a friend. There's nothing going on. You know I'm straight."

"As straight as I am, my boy." She giggles, Chan following soon after.

"Please stop, this subject is really triggering," I say in small voice their laughter dies down.

"It's that why you called? Is it coming back? Are you okay? Should I come over?"

"Yes, I don't know, no, no." I answer to every question as simply as possible. I can't afford her coming here and losing her job just because I was being a needy brat.

"He's not doing well. He's gotten flashbacks yesterday even though he's taken his pills and I've had to hold him until dawn. It's pretty bad to be honest, but I don't know what's triggering it."

"Well couldn't that be the new boy..?" She says quietly and I press myself closer to Chan. "I- maybe..? But Jisung's a very good kid. I can see he truly cares about Minho. He even brought him cheesecake and coffee today."

"Aw that's sweet..." she cooes and I feel chan smile.

"What triggered yesterday Min?" She asks softly and Chan pushes the phone closer to me so she could hear me.

"I went to give him some leftover cheesecake, because he hadn't eaten the whole day and then we somehow ended up on the bed and he asked me if I liked men, I told him I like him. And then he got scared and said some things he didn't mean, but it still hurt..."

"And then you both broke down..?" Chan asks softly and I nod. "He stormed out of the room and I don't know what happened next, it just hit me.."

"I'll come over for the weekend, okay sweetheart?"

I haven't seen her in so long, I miss her.

"Okay."

~
A/N

so I was wondering why the hell did I name this book 'sunflower' cuz it doesn't really have a reason, it's just my favorite flower, but imma think about how to make the title have some meaning jendndnenfb

please read~

the lack of activity is honestly making me question everything about this book, I don't know if it's too boring or too depressing or something.. I'll try to make it more fun <3

if you have some things that I should change (that you don't like at this book) or something that you'd like to read more (like some ships that I should include more) please lmk