sunflower

32.

enjoy the chapter!
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Jisung's pov

I flutter my eyes open, snuggling closer to the well known arms that are still wrapped around me. I'm getting used to waking up next to him. It never fails to surprise me how perfect this man looks even in his sleep.

I feel him slightly move from underneath me, so I quickly press even closer to him, closing my eyes once again pretending I'm asleep. I don't want him to let me go. At least not yet.

His arms tighten around me and his chest rises with a deep sigh. He looks down at me and second after I feel his lips press a soft kiss to my hair. I can't help but smile while my heart is threatening to jump out of my chest.

He's making me feel so safe and appreciated, he's so nice to me.

His left hand softly caresses my back that is covered by his hoodie and he lays his head back on mine in a cute, almost loving gesture.

I don't dare to move since I don't want to make him pull away. I want this moment to last forever, but sadly it doesn't.

"Good morning." His raspy morning voice echoes through the bedroom and I suck in a deep breath at the feeling setting in the pit of my stomach.

"Morning," I answer, my voice coming out a lot weaker than I've expected for it to be. He smiles and brushes out a few strands of hair from my eyes.

"How are you feeling?" He asks. My heart drops at his question. "Same as always..." I hesitate at the words that are threatening to leave my mouth. I really want to kill myself.

"Terrible," I say instead and look up at him when I sense change in his demeanor.

He slowly lets his hands fall from my waist on the bed, his expression changing to a saddened one.

I shake of the urge to grab his arms and make them wrap around me once again. Maybe he's repulsed by me. Maybe he's finally realized I'm not worth his time.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he says and I finally connect how he probably understood my sentence.

"You didn't. I didn't mean it like that. I'm happy to be here with you. It's just all the things that happened yesterday..." Everything gets even worse after the last word. My throat clenches, the memories of Doyun above me are pushing to the front of my mind.

I feel his hands on me. Scratching, squeezing, leaving marks. His lips on my neck and chest, his tongue sliding over my cheek and arm. The knife pressing to my skin, reopening my scar and making new wounds.

My chest is clenching and I can feel my body slowly starting to tremble again. Not again.. I'm tired, exhausted of all my issues. Why can't I be normal?

"I understand... is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"I- I need my pills. I feel an anxiety attack coming."

"I'll get them. Where are they?" He asks, trying to stand up from the bed. I pull him back down. I need him here with me. "Bedside table, first drawer. They're the smallest ones." He opens the drawer and looks at me in surprise.

"How many pills do you have?"

"A lot." I admit shamefully and close my eyes for a few seconds to better concentrate on my breathing.

"Don't be ashamed Hannie. It's nothing to be embarrassed about." I hear him close the drawer and open my eyes again.

"They're helping you. It's not a bad thing at all."

"I know that... but thank you for not judging me," I say quietly and he gives me a little smile.

"Here," he stretches his hand to me, holding the small plateau of pills. I thank him again and try to sit up, but my shaky hands aren't able of support my weight. He notices I'm struggling and scoots closer to me.

"Come here." He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest. I can feel his heart beating behind my chest and it feels nice.

"I'll help you, okay?" He says in soft tone and I nod. Speaking seems too unrealistic right now. My tongue feels tangled. "What's the dosage? A half?" I shake my head. Where are the times I used to take just a half...

"One?" I nod and he gives me a little smile. "Okay."

"Open," he puts the pill into my mouth, "careful," he helps me take a few sips of water and I swallow the pill.

"Good boy." His sentence makes me blush like crazy. I'm not used to hearing praises and definitely not in that matter.

"You like being praised, huh? I'll remember that." I cover my face with my hands out of embarrassment and he pulls me a little bit closer.

"Don't shy away. I don't judge." I press more into his touch and close my eyes again.

"Did you like the breakfast I made?" He asks, while gently hugging me. His thumbs are softly stroking my sides, his perfect smell slowly calming me down together with his voice. I feel safe in his arms.

"I did." I feel him smile. "I'm glad. I'll cook for you more often if you'd like." His offer makes my heart skip a beat. He wants to cook for me? He's too sweet, I don't deserve him.

"I'd love that..." I say and suck in a deep breath. My lungs are still fighting for oxygen and I hate how much I'm shaking, but his arms around me are truly helping.

"Okay. I'll make us something for lunch then... what would you like to eat?"

"I haven't had tteokbokki in a very long time.. but I don't know if I'll be able to eat it.. because you know.." I say weakly. He nods and lays his head on my shoulder.

"Well I can try to make it less spicy and I'll give you a smaller portion for the start, then we'll see. Sounds good?"

I nod in response and snuggle my head closer to his chest. My breathing is getting better even though I still feel lightheaded and my body slightly is trembling.

Minho's presence is helping, I'm glad he's here.

~
A/N
Thank you all so much for 1K reads!! It means so much, hope you're enjoying the book <3

I am so sorry for not updating for a few days, Lately I'm not doing very well mentally, so it takes me a lot of effort to get myself to write...

I'll try to upgrade more often, I promise