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Swivel - Chapter 1

SUNOO'S POV

I roll over and stare at the clock yet again – 2:38 am. Another restless night where sleep evades me. The minutes tick by so slowly they feel frozen in time, as if this night will never end. I let out a long, heavy sigh into the darkness.

"What will happen tomorrow?" I whisper aloud to no one. My mind races with thoughts of the day ahead. Will it be another endless day of monotonous routine? Or might tomorrow bring unexpected surprises that disrupt the mundane patterns of my daily life?

As the hands of the clock inch forward at a glacial pace, I decide to pull out my diary. The familiar weight of it in my hands brings me a small measure of comfort. I flip through the pages filled with my innermost thoughts until I find a blank page.

Clicking on my bedside lamp, I begin to write.

[DIARY]

My mornings never started with a happy smile, or refresh mind, whenever I woke up I felt like "Gosh, another day to survive." I would slowly open my eyes as the morning sunlight crept into my room, wishing I could just roll over and go back to sleep instead of facing another long day ahead.

With a sigh, I would drag myself out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom to get ready, going through the motions like a robot. My parents were never up to greet me or ask how I slept and breakfast was a lonely affair - just me sitting alone at the table eating a bowl of cereal in silence.

As I would grab my backpack and head out the door for school, there were no "Have a good day!" or "See you later!" calls from my parents. It was like I was invisible to them.

The school days used drag on slowly and I would sit by myself during lunch, working alone during group projects, which was supposed to be a group one but I was outcated, so I did alone.

I would watch with envy as other kids laughed and joked together during break, wishing I had friends like that.

The final bell was always a relief, knowing I could escape back to the solitude of my room. My parents never asked about my day or came to any school events, even important ones like sports or awards ceremonies that I participated in.

It was like they couldn't care less about my grades, my interests, my life. I felt like an orphan who just happened to have parents that provided the bare minimum of food and shelter. There was no emotional support or interest in who I was as a person.

And for that very reason, I never told them about my biggest secret—that I am interested in mens. I knew they wouldn't understand or support me, so I kept that part of myself hidden, feeling ashamed and alone.

My life felt so empty and meaningless, like I was just existing rather than truly living. Some days the loneliness felt like it would crush me and as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling for hours, wondering why my life was this way.

"Why is it so hard to get through each day? Why can't I find happiness? What's the point of it all?"

I would think, as tears silently streamed down my cheeks. The only bright spot was finding escape through books. Since I had no friends, books became my companions.

I discovered my love of reading when I was 13.

There's a story for it too. How I started liking books.

On my 13th birthday, it was a little chilly day due to rain, the leaves dancing in the wind as they fell from the trees. I was alone at home on my room and my parents as always, were both busy with work.

I did wanted a party with all my friends maybe, to celebrate becoming a teenager, but instead I wandered my quiet house aimlessly. Feeling lonely on my special day so, I decided to go into town to treat myself to some birthday sweets.