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Vacillation - Chapter 14

SUNOO’S POV

The first thing I became aware of was the soft glow of morning light filtering through the curtains. My eyelids fluttered and I tried to roll over instinctively seeking a more comfortable position. But something firm around my waist made me stop.

My mind was foggy from half-dreaming but the warmth that enveloped me was unmistakable. And then it all came rushing back—the memory of last night.

Heeseung hyung…

My breath caught in my throat as my cheeks immediately flushed. The way he’d touched me, the way he’d guided me completely in control—it was almost staggering.

My heart raced as I remembered how dominating he had been, his every move were calculated, every whisper sending shivers down my spine. He knew exactly what to do. A twinge of heat crept up my neck at the thought, my body still sensitive in places where his hands had roamed.

I tried to clear my mind while shaking off the haze of sleep but another thought slowly crept in, one that made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

Is he this good in bed because… he’s done this before? My chest tightened at the idea, jealousy creeping in like an unwelcome guest.

I didn’t want to imagine Heeseung with anyone else. The thought of someone else being on the receiving end of those touches, those kisses, it made me feel weird and unsettled. I wasn’t sure why it hurt so much to think about.

I mean, it’s not like we’ve been together for a long time, or even talked about whatever this was between us. But the idea of him being intimate with someone else made my heart sink.

Do I love him?

The thought hit me like a bucket of cold water. I immediately tried to shove it away, like closing a door on something I wasn’t ready to face. No. That would be too complicated.

Heeseung… Heeseung hyung was dangerous. I knew that. He was the kind of guy who could break someone’s heart without even trying. A red flag waving in the wind. But wasn’t that part of what drew me to him in the first place? His mystery, his intensity, the way he seemed to hold so much power but looked at me like I was the only one who mattered in that moment?

My heart fluttered despite myself. Maybe I do like him, but I am not sure if it's love. Maybe it was just attraction. Maybe it was the adrenaline from last night still messing with my head. But there was no denying it anymore—I had willingly given myself to him. I’d let him take control and I’d liked it.

“Hufff… What should I do about him?” I muttered under my breath.

Slowly, I turned my head, feeling the weight of his arm still wrapped around my waist. When I finally caught sight of him, my heart nearly stopped.

He looked… different when he was asleep. Peaceful. All that dangerous energy he carried, that sharpness in his gaze, it was gone. He looked so calm, so soft. His lips were slightly parted and his chest rose and fell with deep, steady breaths. I couldn’t help but stare.

How does he look so, innocent like this?

All the worries and doubts that had been clouding my mind seemed to dissolve, replaced by something warmer, something sweeter. My heart melted as I gazed at him, the edges of my lips curling into a small smile. How could someone who was so intense, so overwhelming look so vulnerable while sleeping?

For a moment, I just let myself admire him. His face, free of tension looked beautiful in a way that took my breath away. And the more I looked, the more I realized just how deeply I’d fallen for him. My heart swelled with affection I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit to yet. But it was there. It was real.