Desire • Avian Journal 1

Interesting Days [6]

June 11 2023

I just realized how I really get sick more easy after start listening to the avian subs.
I was in a "denial" about this and I just realize I really didn't get sick at all before listening.
And if you had seen the last part, my friend has told me that I have already get sick 5 times this year, a really rare thing for ME.
And I remember read somewhere that you could get sick more easily because of growing wings.
Also, every time I listen to subliminals I feel STRONG phantom wings, the feeling of the muscles of my wings, the touch of my clothes with featherless wings. That's what I feel listening subliminals, that strange feeling but at the same time so familiar. It's was makes me feel alive, following this path of not return were essentially I can perceive myself as not human, even if I was born and raised as one, just by the fact of having wings stop be seen as human, and by stop being human hiding will be need, not like I care, I actually spend a lot of time alone, but, could I survive leaving everything? That's why I need investigate, investigate, and investigate, make a plan, maybe meet equals, I want to feel the air in my skin, I want to feel at peace, but at the same time feel the adrenaline rush I will have flying, I know I will okay feeling the pain of trying to learn, I will be okay spending so much time taking care of my wings.
I will be okay if I die when I archive having wings.
I will be okay meanwhile I feel like myself
I will be okay when I feel this is my body
Do I will be really okay?
Or I'm just looking for something to make think I will okay?

SOOOO
UPDATES
Finally looking at the physical
I tried to check with my hands how much my shoulder blades take in my back, and I realized the one in the right it's a bit shorter than the one in the left, that also can explain why I can move more in my back my left arm
I think I feel something in my back, a little bump

June 24

I think I have small bumps, like, I have feel, something move in my back, but like, I can control it, but maybe could also be very strong phantom limbs
Rn I'm feeling a little weak, but it can be because I'm on my period and it's currently hot as fuck in my country. Do you think your 30°C it's hot? MAN IN BURNING ALIVE WITH 40°C WITH SENSATION OF 44-46°C FOR THE LAST WEEKS

June 27
I was just existing Stimming with a video and BAM pain in my whole back. On the good things its the progress going even if I forget listen to the audios. Bad things? It's that, I forget a lot to listen to the subs, but subs are not everything so it's okay.

July 6
Back pain 😭
Half of my back it's hurting
Not much to say today, just pain the upper area of my back