Racing For Love

Chapter Forty Two

I wake up feeling relatively fresh despite the late night and drinks consumed - the water I drank throughout the night must have helped in that respect. I listen out to see if I can hear Jono moving about, but can only hear his deep snores, so I shower quickly and quietly before dressing and going downstairs.

The late night and busy race schedule must have caught up with Jono and he is still sleeping soundly as I make a coffee and toast in the kitchen. Despite me expecting the noise to wake him, he remains fast asleep. He clearly needs the rest so I leave him a note to let him know i'm going to see Uncle Joe and softly close the door behind me.

I arrive with excitement to see Uncle Joe after yesterday - he loves to catch up on team strategies after a race, and since i'm not at work today, I have the time to delve into the details with him. I spot Dave and greet him warmly, thanking him again for yesterday.

"Hey Annie. I'm just off to Joe's room actually - he said not to disturb him this morning until at least 9am - I think he wanted a lie in after his busy day yesterday, but i've still not heard his buzzer, and he'll want help getting up now that you've arrived!"

We walk together down the corridor and I ask Dave about how he found his experience yesterday - it was his first time attending a race and the excitement is clear in his eyes as we talk about the hospitality area and the drivers - i'm sure that Dave has the racing bug, and fully expect him to be involved in our strategy chats from now on!

I reach Joe's door, but before I open it, a strange feeling overcomes me - I can't describe it in any way other than a foreboding. Joe's mood has been so good lately, but I suppose I am expecting the next crash and inevitable change, especially since he had been building up to the visit to Silverstone and making sure he was well enough to get there. I bolster myself, fix a smile on my face and push open the door.

"Morning sleepyhead! It's me, Annie." I say brightly, but my heart skips a beat as I notice Joe's face. I know instantly something I have dreaded since we were first thrust together after what happened with my parents. Joe is no longer with us, and more than ever, I am all alone.

Shock and grief consume me as I stand there, unable to move. Dave's voice becomes a murmur in the background as tears well in my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I reach out my trembling hand and gently touch Joe's cheek - desperately hoping that he will stir, and I have made a mistake.

He remains still and silent, and I know that he is gone. I collapse next to him, reaching to hold his now cold hand as sobs wrack my body. For a long moment, I sit there, just staring at Joe's peaceful face. Memories flood through my mind, and I speak to him in a trembling voice, as if he can still hear me.

"Uncle Joe, it's me, Annie. I...I don't know how to do this without you. Oh God, I knew that I would have to deal with this, but why now? Oh Joe."

Another sob leaves my body as I clutch his hand to my damp cheek. I recall the countless moments of laughter, the wise advice he offered, and the sacrifices he made for me along with unwavering support. He was not only my family but my constant and we became the best of friends.

"I just...I just need to say thank you. You were there for me when I had no one else. You guided me, protected me, loved me unconditionally even when I wasn't a particularly nice person to be around. You put your own life aside to take on a responsibility you never wanted and I...I just...what am I going to do without you?"

As I speak, a bittersweet peace settles upon me because I always knew I would have to deal with this day, and since Joe's illness, I have been waiting for it. It doesn't negate the pain of the loss I feel however and I stay by his side a little longer, finding solace in the stillness of the room and the memories that surround me. I can't leave just yet, as it will be at that point that I truly have to accept that he's gone.