Racing For Love

Chapter Seventy Eight

Jono was the first to call - the ring piercing my thoughts as I settled to sleep that evening. It was the first thing he did when he woke up, and initially, he couldn't hide his shock when I revealed the argument that transpired between us. We talked late into the night, my night, the time difference between us creating a surreal sense of being both together and apart. He understood my frustration about being unable to travel and to be with him during the races, but he also worried about the impact my abrupt departure would have on my career and the team, as well as my friendship with Kate.

James and Matt also reached out once they had read the messages I had sent. Both of their replies were filled with disappointment and concern about my sudden decision to leave the team - James thinking he had at least until the end of the season as my work companion. I knew that they valued my work and role at Bianchi and neither of them really understood why I had taken the decision to leave so abruptly. It was hard to explain, because I was struggling to justify it myself.

A strange mixture of emotions swirled within me - regret, anger, and uncertainty all took turns occupying my thoughts. I knew I had acted hastily, recklessly in all honesty, in confronting Kate and revealing my offer from Aerial. It was a decision made in the heat of the moment, fuelled by frustration about my position and a longing to be closer to Jono during the races, even if I denied that being a factor. So many times I picked up the phone to call Kate, but each time, I couldn't find the right words, and put it down again.

Despite the mixed emotions, I couldn't deny the excitement that I felt at the prospect of reuniting with Jono in the United States. He booked a flight for me as soon as we spoke - suggesting we spent some time together before he would be busy doing race prep. The thought of joining him there, of being by his side during the race weekend, filled me with anticipation but also a little nervousness since I would be in the Bianchi garage, with the team I had just left.

As I packed, I tried to justify my impulsiveness - if only to myself. It was good Kate finally knew about my plans for next year, but the way I told her was so unprofessional that I blushed as I recalled the argument. I couldn't deny that the real reason I hadn't told her was because I was holding out hope they would offer me something permanent. The frustration of my conversation with Kate was fuelled by not feeling wanted by the team I loved so much, and that was the honest truth.

Regardless, my actions had set a series of events into motion, and I was stepping into an unknown future, which I had brought on myself. I was now free to concentrate on The Stephens Foundation and I could work with Aerial to support my involvement in Formula One if that was what I wanted - I just needed to commit to that as a choice, and finalise things with Danny. Even without Bianchi to consider, something was still holding me back from committing.

*

After making it through security, I was boarded first - the flight to Texas was going to be long, but Jono had booked me into first class. I was able to sleep comfortably, enjoy the hospitality on board and binge watch sappy romantic movies, even if my thoughts spiralled back and forth as I sat in the little bubble of space that was mine for the next 11 hours.

I pulled out my laptop and worked a little - firstly making the decision on the theme for The Stephens Foundation launch - black tie with a hint of red. I felt like this represented my parents and Joe best - the hint of red acknowledging their love for Bianchi. All my drivers agreed - they had already started looking at outfits to wear and our Whatsapp group was pinging with ideas as I tried to focus.

I moved on to the guest list for the foundation launch, stopping at Kate's name and hovering the mouse, undecided on what to do before shutting the lid of my laptop abruptly and taking a sip of the complementary champagne, trying to ignore that uncomfortable feeling that kept on popping up, telling me that I had totally destroyed our friendship.