Racing For Love

Chapter Forty Eight

My phone buzzes with a message as I get home from the graveyard. I pull it out to see Jono's name and a message:

So you did watch then? Well done, Ace. Miss you too. x

I grin as I read his reply. I'm so pleased that I had the courage to watch, as even with a few simple words, I can see how happy it made Jono - I imagine this is also because he wanted me to see the team's tributes without him having to tell me explicitly. After putting away the shopping, I reply to Jono:

Pretty cool lid you were sporting too. Was it monochrome because you started racing when life was in black and white?

My phone rings, and I pick it up, seeing Jono's name and continuing the conversation.

"So, when you first raced, did you have to use your feet to drive it, like a Flintstone car?"

I expect some sort of rebuttal, but I only hear shuffling - it's a fucking pocket dial. I shout Jono's name down the phone to no avail, and i'm about to hang up before I hear my name.

"Annie Stephens - yeah.
I don't know - pretty vulnerable right now.
Yeah, her uncle.
After Silverstone.
Too soon.
No, not a rebound, grief thing.
Oh, all the fucking time.
No.
Oh, sure.
No, straight across.
Yeah, I wish.
Ha!
Can't we wait?
Media, really?
Sure.
Nope."

Although I want to keep listening, I hang up quickly - it feels intrusive to be hearing his private conversation. I think he was talking to his performance coach, Jacques, based on the low rumble I could hear, but I couldn't make out any of the words, which is probably better than fully hearing their conversation. I wonder what they were discussing - it sounds like Jono was telling him about Uncle Joe's death, and then a little part of me wonders if they were talking about Jono's feelings towards me?

Since our honest discussion in Austria, we've not spoken any more about our connection - each time i've got close to doing so, there's been something else in the way, or most recently, we've both been dealing with Joe's loss. Without Jono's physical presence this week, it's crazy how much i've missed him - the easy way we work around each other, his gentle calmness. I realise that my feelings for Jono are much deeper than anything I have felt before. Part of me is scared, nervous to confront him - especially after the disaster which was Lorenzo - but mostly, it's because I don't want my misunderstanding of something to ruin our friendship. As easy as it was to remove Lorenzo from my life, I never want that to be the case with Jono.

My phone rings, and it's Jono again - I pick up, but don't speak straight away, thinking it's another pocket dial.

"You know i'm only four year's older than you, don't you?" Jono says, his tone light.

"I don't believe it. You're the oldest on the grid, surely?"

"Have you met Lars? He's got six years on me, Ace."

"I need evidence to confirm this - birth certificate or it's not true," I reply, laughing.

"How are you doing?" Jono asks, his voice dropping slightly, and I hear him move away from the background noise - he must have found a quiet place to speak to me.

"It was not the most fun i've ever had, but I watched it. Actually, I went to visit Joe and my parents."

"Ace, i'm so...proud of you."

"Thanks," I say dismissively - I can't get into it or i'll cry, "Anyway, are we not going to talk about your win? Joe would have loved that - you really got the most out of the car."

"I think you're right - he was always pushing me to channel my aggression on the track into the corners...shame it's not doing me any favours."

"What? You've just won your fourth race on the bounce - Andrea's going to be happy with that, surely"