Racing For Love

Chapter Forty Seven

It's late in the evening before I call Jono. After my conversation with Bucky, I've been guiltily contemplating what to say. I imagine Jono - his affable warmth currently marred by the grief he's feeling and then he's also been looking after me, whilst navigating the challenges of a race weekend. The fact he's in starting in P1 for the race just shows how incredible a person he is - to be able to deal with all of these factors and still perform. I hear the phone ring - the European dial tone signifying his current location - before Jono's warm voice comes across:

"Hey, Ace. How's it going?"

Jono has started calling me 'Ace' after I revealed the nickname my parents and Joe called me when I was little. If anyone else was to call me it, I would have immediately objected, but with Jono, I have to admit, I kind of love it - even if I pretend to still be offended.

"Hey yourself, JC. Are you ever going to stop calling me Ace? It's all good here - i've just finished dinner. I had that bulgar wheat thing - it was amazing!"

"Crucial question - did you have it with halloumi?"

"Do you even know me? Of course I did"

We both say 'squeeeeaky cheese' at the same time, before I hear a chuckle from Jono. We'd both joked about this last week, and once again, our thoughts are in sync.

"Look, Jono. I need to apologise. I should-"

"Annie, you don't need to say sorry for any-"

"Stop interrupting me, Jono! I do need to say sorry. Sorry for being so dismissive of all your hard work this week - you've been dealing with it all and looking after me, and I couldn't even bring myself to ask about the most important thing going on with you because of my own selfishness. It's not fair on you. I'm sorry." Jono doesn't interrupt me again, but as I finish speaking, theres a silence, and I'm worried i've said the wrong thing.

The silence persists, and anxiously, I try to speak again, before I hear Jono clear his throat, "Ace, I know you think you need to, but you really don't. Don't apologise for needing some distance from all of this. You're going through something tough, and I just want to be there for you as a friend. And who say's it's the most important thing anyway?"

"I'm sure you're just saying that. Of course it's important and look, I want to talk to you about it, support you like you are supporting me-"

"Ace, Annie - you don't have to do that-"

"-I want to! Now, let me congratulate you on P1, you big idiot. Yes, i'm going to find it hard to deal with, but I want to do it because I want to support you."

"How do you know about P1?" Jono says, confused.

"Bucky told me. Up until that point, I still wasn't sure I wanted to hear about race week, but I realised when he told me, you deserve to know how proud I am of you."

"You're proud of me?"

"Of course I am! Like I said Jono, you're dealing with all my shit and you can still put on an epic run to get P1? Proud is maybe a bit reductive...i'm kind of in awe of you."

"You're in awe of me, Ace?" I can hear the laughter back in Jono's voice, and I smile.

"Yeah, yeah - whatever JC. You're the big man P1 racer," I laugh as we default back to a more jokey conversation after the intensity we've just gone through. I think we're going to continue in this vein before silence again, and then Jono's voice comes through quietly.

"You know who i'm racing for don't you Annie?"

"Yes. He'd be proud of you too. Unbelievably proud," I manage, trying to keep my voice even.