Racing For Love

Chapter Eighteen

Whilst the race didn't start until 12.30pm, there were still media obligations this morning and we needed to be on site early to avoid getting caught up with the crowds of fans coming through. We're filming some of the pit wall today and have got a few minutes with Jono's head mechanic scheduled in, but I leave the guys to it whilst I edit up some of yesterday's content and reply to a few of the messages that have come through on videos we've posted during the weekend. As i'm replying, the video of Jono winking at the camera is playing on repeat in the background and my heart sinks each time i see his grin - I don't know what i'm going to do, not knowing how he feels about me right now, but I do know I need to talk to him.

I finish up my work and give the nursing home a call - I need to hear Uncle Joe's voice - his comforting tone as he chats about racing will cheer me up...except his carer tells me that he's having a bad morning. I hope it's not my fault - talking about my parents and the past might have confused him, and I feel guilty for not considering this sooner. I tell them I'll call again later, hoping that if he watches some racing, he might feel more like himself again.

With not even Joe to cheer me up, i'm feeling thoroughly depressed - this week has been a huge mix of emotions with my parents, Lorenzo and now whatever's going on with Jono too. I cannot wait to get home and back to some normality. I can hear the roar of engines and realise that the drivers are on track for their formation lap - time seems to have sped up whilst i've been having my pity party - I rush down to the garage to catch up with Matt and James before I see the lights go out and the cars whizz off from the grid on my parent's favourite race of the season.

The weather is perfect, but it is a tough race - Lorenzo holds off Pablo, but possibly because he's having to focus on Jono doing everything he can to try and overtake - Jono's signature aggressive style seeming heightened on this street circuit. A crash at the back of the grid causes a safety car and Jono's chances dwindle, but he stays agile and this proves beneficial as the safety car goes back in and he manages to get around Pablo as they go through the Nouvelle Chicane. With a few laps to go, we hear Davide Romano, the team principal give the order for "Multi 21" across both radios. I have no idea what this means, but luckily, Matt's team knowledge strikes again, and he tells us it's a message to not compete against each other and to maintain position - I guess it's something they've added since the near disaster in Melbourne.

Despite the order coming from the team principal, it appears though Jono is still pushing and as they enter the final lap, Jono edges closer to Lorenzo, pulling up beside him through the tunnel and taking him on through the chicane. The cars are wheel to wheel - everyone's on their feet in the garage and the pit wall is animated. Jono gets around Lorenzo and takes the lead, but they are still fighting. The cars jostle wheel to wheel up to La Rescasse and it looks briefly like Lorenzo will take the lead again, but Jono holds him off and they make it round turn 19, Jono leading up the final straight as Davide throws his headset down, shouting across the pit wall as Jono crosses the line P1.

Jono has managed what he couldn't in Australia, but at what cost - the team is cheering and running across to Parc Ferme to celebrate with the drivers, but the senior team on the pit wall are all in close discussion, a tension in the air as they try and appear happy for the cameras which are now circling. The cars pull up to a huge crowd, and the guys get out of their cars and celebrate before they head to the cool down room together.

The next part is all on film which is going to take some explaining - Lorenzo shouting "It was multi-21!" into Jono's face, and Jono shouting back "I don't give a shit, I was faster than you. Just because you're fucking An- reigning champ - whatever." before they head to opposite corners of the room, the tension palpable even whilst watching them, which I can't do anymore. I'm travelling back this evening, rather than in the morning with the rest of the team because it means I can see Joe tomorrow, so I say bye to some of the guys around me and head back to The Paddock, picking up my suitcase and laptop, ready to escape the drama.

I leave Monaco, reminded again of my parents. I twist my necklace - a locket Joe bought me years ago with pictures of both of them inside - it's a timeless piece of jewellery which i wear nearly all the time - and it feels like the three most important people are still close to me even if they aren't physically. I hold it tight as I say goodbye to my parents - this week hasn't ended in the way I had planned, but at least I got to see them in our spot again. I make a vow to come back when the streets here are a little quieter, and I can sit with them for longer. Now that i've been able to come, I feel like I owe it to them to make a proper visit.

I have this niggle in my mind about Jono and the race, which I can't stop thinking about as my flight prepares to take off - the comment he made to Lorenzo in the cool down room "just because you're fucking An-" before he mentioned Lorenzo's championship win last year...could he have actually meant to say Annie? Am I being self-centred to think that some of Jono's fight came from what he saw and heard after qualifying? One thing's for certain - I need to speak to Jono, and get this cleared up. Even if my worries are unfounded, I don't want to be in a position where i'm jeopardising someone's career.

"Hey, Jono. I think we need to talk. I'm heading back to the UK tonight, but message me when you're back, please. Congrats on today. x"

I message before the cabin crew announces phones need to be put into flight mode - at least i'm not stressing about a reply this way, but as we land and I turn it back on, my phone lights up with a message:

"I'm flying back later. I'll see you in the morning."

A short and sweet message, but a message nonetheless, and at least he wants to talk. Now I need to work out what i'm going to say...