Beneath His Cold Eyes

Kabanata 30

In Love

"I don't know what you're talking about," umiling ako. "I didn't cheat on you! Kyzer..."

Mapait siyang ngumisi at tumayo. I held his arm to stop him from leaving. Mas lalong nagngalit ang kaniyang panga sa ginawa ko.

He seemed enraged from my touch. My eyes blurred as my tears fell shamelessly. I didn't bother to wipe it. I didn't care.

Na parang dati lang, malaya pa akong hawakan siya. Ngayon ay parang ipinagbabawal niya nang mapalapit ako sa kaniya.. at hawakan siya. I just totally lost my chance with him. Especially now that all these years, he believed I cheated on him.

"Ky, do you believe me? I...I didn't cheat on you. Who told you that?"

"It doesn't matter. I've moved on," malamig niyang sagot.

I swallowed hard. Napabitaw ako sa pagkakahawak sa kaniyang braso dahil sa sinabi niya. He watched how my hand slipped from holding him with his dark and dangerous eyes.

It was a punch in the gut for me. He moved on. He's fine now. Ibig sabihin ay ako na lamang ang nakakulong sa nakaraan? At umaasa?

Tumango na lang ako at umiwas ng tingin. He then turned his back on me and walked away. I watched him as he entered the bathroom and slammed the door. My tears fell more.

Kaya pala galit na galit siya ay dahil pinaniniwalaan niyang niloko ko siya. But I don't really know what he's talking about. Sa loob ng walong taon ay wala akong pinagbigyang ibang lalaki dahil hindi ako interesado at abala ako sa pagpapagaling at pag-aaral.

The chemotherapy and surgery was tough for me. I had to deal with the extreme mood swings, chest pain, the hair loss and my weakening body. It was depressing for the past five years of treatment. Nang gumaling ay nahirapan naman akong mag-adjust sa bagong eskwelahan at sa bagong environment kasama si Papa at Kuya Rule. I was busy regaining my sanity while studying. I barely had time for men or other things.

So for him to accuse me of cheating, it was a big blow for me. But then I can't blame him for reacting that way. Of course I understand his anger. Maybe I'll just try to explain it more to him, hindi para linisin ang pangalan ko, kun'di dahil may karapatan siyang malaman ang totoo mula sa akin. I don't want him to live with resentment all his life. I want him to totally move on from all of it. So I'm going to give him the answers to his questions. The truth.

I sighed. Nakaramdam ako ng pagod kaya napasandal ako sa headboard ng kaniyang kama at napapapikit. His familiar scent lingered on my nose, soothing my aching soul, comforting me. I breathed and slowly laid myself on his bed. Then I drifted into a peaceful slumber.

I woke up with the duvet covering my body. I don't remember putting it last night. Realization dawned on me, waking me up to my senses. Bumalikwas ako ng bangon nang maalala ang nangyari kagabi.

Nakakahiya! Baka isipin ni Kyzer na masyadong makapal ng mukha ko at nakitulog pa talaga ako sa kwarto niya!

Maliwanag na sa labas kahit natatakpan ng kulay abong kurtina ang glass wall ng kaniyang kuwarto. Tingin ko'y tanghali na.

Napasapo ako sa aking noo.

Inayos ko ang hinigaan at lumabas ng kuwarto ni Kyzer. Naligo ako at nagbihis sa kwarto ko. I even blow-dried my hair bago bumaba. Naghahanda na ng tanghalian sina Ate Nellie nang abutan ko sa kusina.

"Oh. Tinanghali ka yata," puna ni ate.

"Medyo nakainom po kasi kagabi," I smiled a bit. "Sina tita po?"

"Nasa pool kasama sina Ma'am Armina, iyong pamangkin ni Sir Alfred, at iyong anak niya. Naroon din si Sir Kyzer at Ma'am Lucienne."

She's still here.