Chapter 26
Remember
"Mishal. . ."
Napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin at naabutan si Darwin na mukhang nag-aalinlangang pumasok sa kwarto. Nahuli ko ang tinginan ng mga makeup artist at stylist sa isa't isa dahil doon.
Pinagmasdan ko lang si Darwin sa malaking vanity mirror, hinihintay ang sasabihin niya. Pero mukhang nasa iba ang isipan niya dahil inililibot niya ang tingin sa paligid, ngumunguso pagkatapos. Nawala na ang nahihiya niyang hitsura kanina at dumiretso sa upuang katabi ko, umuupo roon. I immediately get a whiff of his oddly too fragrant perfume. Ipinaligo niya ba ang pabango niya?
"She's not here," sabi ko kaagad, hindi pa man siya nagtatanong.
Sumandal si Darwin sa upuan at napabuntonghininga. "Sasama ka ba talaga mamaya? You might ditch us again!"
"I'll go, Darwin." Halos umirap ako.
May duda ang tingin niya sa akin. "Isasama mo ba?"
Parang gusto kong mapailing. "I'll think about it."
Mukhang masaya naman si Darwin sa naging sagot ko. Nagbago kaagad ang disposisyon niya—nakangiti na at mukhang gumanda na ang mood.
He looks a lot more mature, especially with his current makeup. Mas nadepina kasi ang hubog ng mukha niya. Isabay pa ang soot na damit para sa shoot. Para naman sa isang magazine ang gagawin namin ngayong araw.
"I saw your paintings from your recently uploaded vlog. It's nice to see your videos again," aniya. "I remember the time you took a break from your career. Everyone was looking for you."
"My lolo just died then," sagot ko.
Nawala ang ngiti ni Darwin at mukhang natauhan siya—napagtantong mali siya ng piniling pag-uusapan.
"Right. Sorry."
"It's fine. It's been two years," I say.
Nanatili ang titig ko sa salamin. I see indifference in my eyes. I look like a robot giving a programmed automatic response.
I still have the same hair—the long silky black hair with full bangs. My complexion is still pale, my eyes look empty, and it always feels like looking at a lifeless doll. Nothing really changed. But because of this shoot, I have my eyebrows lifted and my eye makeup makes my upturned eyes look more foxy.
"You really are Ida Mishal. Always strong and unwavering," nakangiting sabi ni Darwin. "You do know I'm just here for you, right?"
I shrug. I don't really need him as a shoulder to cry on.
Ngumiti siya. "Your paintings—they are a little bit different from the ones before. Noon, gumagamit ka naman ng kulay. But now, you're only using black and white. . ."
I know for sure that he isn't interested in any of that. Gusto niya lang talagang makipag-usap. Well, I am not irritated with him anymore. He no longer likes me.
"Kulay pa rin naman ang itim," I say.
"It is but you know what I'm talking about."
"When I realized that black is still a color, I began embracing it," sagot ko.
It was hard for me to cope up. Akala ko ay tapos na ang lahat para sa akin. Nawala si lolo. Masyado akong naging malungkot na napabayaan ko na ang ibang bagay. And then. . .my bad decisions piled up. I got shattered. I almost lost myself. Ang mga pagkakamali ko rin ang sumugat sa akin.
"You're right," ani Darwin. "I was just really used to colorful paintings. But don't get me wrong, Ida. Your paintings always give this immense feeling of. . ."
