#war4wp
Chapter 20
Love
Binuksan ni Boaz ang pinto ng passenger's seat ng pick up para sa akin pero hindi ako pumasok. Tahimik lang akong tumayo sa tabi niya. Nang mapansin niya iyon ay nilingon niya ako.
Hindi pa rin ako kumilos. We stay quiet for a couple of seconds.
The night is peaceful yet my heart is raging with the emotions stirring inside my chest. There's no doubt that I feel angry—not only with Boaz but with the whole situation. Yet I know him. I know him. So much that I understand why this is happening.
Si Boaz ang bumasag ng katahimikan.
"Sorry. . ."
I don't know what he's apologizing for. But I know he's apologizing for the wrong reasons.
It's Boaz. His lack of self-esteem and confidence ruins his thoughts and decisions. His ghosts haunt him. That woman is probably one of his ghosts.
"Sa iba na lang tayo kumain, Ida. I just. . . I don't think I like this place," he says.
Natahimik ulit kami.
I want to tell him a lot of things. That he shouldn't let that woman—or his "friends" affect him like this. But I know I shouldn't rush him because this is his war. I know he wants to face his battles on his own.
When I dated him, I swore to help him love himself and to protect him. I knew Boaz is broken on the inside. But I hugged and accepted everything about him when I said we should date each other.
I am probably walking toward my own demise. Pero pipiliin ko pa rin siya kahit papiliin ulit ako.
"Okay," kalmadong sabi ko bago walang salitang pumasok sa passenger's seat.
Hindi sinarado ni Boaz ang pinto pagkasakay ko kaya binalingan ko siya.
He's bowing his head. I don't know what he's thinking. Siguro alam niyang hindi ako natutuwa sa nangyari kanina. Siguro, iniisip niya ring galit ako sa kaniya. Wala naman akong planong itago sa kaniya na hindi ko nga gusto ang nangyari.
Makalipas ang ilang segundo ay lumapit siya at hinawakan ang upuan ko, just beside my thigh. He looks like he wants to hold me but refrains himself.
Hindi ako kumilos kahit na natutuliro ako sa paglapit niya. Nanatili akong nakahalukipkip at nakatingin, hinihintay ang susunod niyang gagawin.
My throat is suddenly getting dry. Ang ingay ng katahimikan ng gabi. Kung ibang pagkakataon ito, baka hinawakan ko na ang magkabilang pisngi niya para pagmasdan ang mga mata niya. But I am angry right now. I just want to go home.
I am a fool for love. I know. I just proved it again now.
I probably love him more than how much I think I do. Bakit isang lapit niya lang, okay na ang lahat, hindi ba? I have a soft spot for him. Any wall I built around my feelings, he already conquered.
"Ida, I'm sorry." Itinakip ni Boaz ang isang kamay niya sa mga mata. "I wanted you to enjoy this night."
Hindi ako nagsalita. Lalo siyang napayuko dahil doon.
