The Silence (GxG)

Chapter 26 - The Forgiven

▂▃▅▇█▓▒░ Kenzi ░

If you're reading this, I'm probably already gone.

You have to believe me when I say I didn't plan this, not until this morning. I hardly slept last night, between watching your peaceful face scrunch up as you dreamt, and repeatedly mulling everything over in my head.

I think I must've decided this sooner than I actually realised, because it felt easier to begin writing this note than I thought it would. When I think of people possibly putting their life on the line for me, it makes me sick... but when I think of YOU doing the same thing, it wretches my heart and not just my stomach.

Thats why I'm gone, and why I can't tell you about my plan. If I had told you, I know you would've followed along, despite the guilt that would eat at you for leaving everyone behind. I'm sorry. I can't allow that and I won't. With me gone, Deacon has no reason to threaten The Zoo or anyone who resides there anymore... and I can only hope that's how he sees it too.

Please, remember everything I've said to you, because I meant it from the bottom of my heart. This isn't a goodbye, so don't misunderstand it. I don't like to say goodbye because goodbye means going away... and going away means forgetting.

I won't forget you Kenzi Miller, Please don't forget about me. I'll be back as soon as it's safe.

I love you more than you'll ever understand...

Grace XO

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I finished reading the crumpled note for the umpteenth time, curled up in my bed where I've remained for the past 2 days, proceeding to clutch the paper close to my chest with a death grip.

My tears have run dry at this point, unable to fully cry anymore as the emotionless phase of grief kicked in. That's what it feels like. Grieving. all over again. I haven't felt a loss like this since my parents died, since Dee, since the moment I thought I'd lost Grace... but now I really have.

I stare at the side which is normally occupied by her body. It's the place I'd gotten so used to watching as the sun rose and illuminated her slender frame every morning.

Now it's empty.

Nothing is there to cast a shadow and block the early morning sun from bleeding onto my side of the pillows anymore. It blinds me, I have no protection.

"Why did you have to leave without me..." I whispered into her pillow, wishing desperately that it was her shoulder and I could inhale her scent again.

It's only been two days, but it feels like a lifetime without her already. I don't even care if I'm being dramatic, because it doesn't feel that way to me, everything is real.

Too real.

I wiped my face with the fabric of the pillowcase, sitting up as I placed the note underneath her pillow. I haven't even been able bring myself to lie on her side of the bed, just in case she returns when I fall asleep. Wishful thinking, I know, but it's all that I have to keep me going right now.

I scanned the room, everything illuminated by the bright orange sunlight spilling through my window. She didn't take any of her clothes, so I've been swapping between her hoodies each day in a vain attempt at trying to feel close to her. I don't even mind that she still has my fathers hat, because it means she fully intends to return... eventually.

At least she has something to remember me by as well.

My stomach painfully cramped in a familiar hunger that I've became friends with over the last couple of days. Even the thought of a meal at this point makes me want to vomit, but I know I have to eat, or else my body will start to break down soon.