Shattered Illusions

Chapter 1 - I will survive.

Allysa's POV:

As I walked down the alleyway, with tears streaming down my face, I couldn't help but yell out a gut-wrenching scream. Everything is fucked up. I don't know what to do and where to go. I felt finally normal after a long time today but as the day passed, shit happened again, and I was back to square one. When I woke up today, I felt refreshed for the first time and that's when I realized it's after a very long while that I did not have any sort of nightmare. I was happy, thus I decided that I won't mope around today and dress up a bit for work. I started getting ready, pulled out a white collared shirt from my closet with a black pencil skirt. I took a quick shower, got dressed and looked myself in the mirror. I looked weak, hollowed cheekbones and faded lips. But I decided to let go, put on some lip gloss and went to brew some coffee for myself. Meanwhile, I checked my e-mails from work or any texts from someone. Someone being Isabell, my best friend. I didn't really know anybody around here except for her because I was highly introverted and didn't really put any efforts into making new friends. Soon, my coffee was ready, and I put it into a to-go coffee cup, grabbed my handbag and phone, locked the door of my tiny apartment which also I could barely afford but never mind, today is a happy day. I stepped out my building and reached the office to find that there was an eerie silence there which was very unusual because people here are really bustling, and the sound of pages being turned and scattered here and there is always present. I stepped into my cubicle and took my seat to begin my work on the computer. As I was about to turn it on, my boss appeared from behind me looking at me with pity. I was confused at first, but then suddenly realization hits me as his boss appeared in the hallway. Due to budget issues, employees were being laid off. As usual, me being the unlucky one got caught up in the crossfire too and was being laid off without any prior notice. I grabbed my handbag and coffee cup and went out with no words left to say. Fuck my happy day. How could I have even thought that I could be happy?! Happiness isn't for people like me. I deserve hell and that is what's happening, hell on a silver platter! So, this brings me to the present, standing in the alleyway alone, figuring out what to do. I can't take it anymore. Why do all the vicious shit happen to me?! I took out my phone and texted Isabel.

Me: Hey, you up for some clubbing today?

Bella: Sure, did something happen though? You okay?

Me: No, I'm not. But I'm tired of talking about shit all the time, so just wanna let loose.

Bella: Whatever you say, girl. Just know that I'm always here if you wanna talk about it.

Me: I know, thanks!

Not knowing what to do with the rest of my day, I grabbed my book from my handbag and proceeded to sit on the bench on the pavement near the crosswalk. As I was reading it, my mind started wandering in different directions and I couldn't concentrate much. So, I closed the book and just sat there and observed my surroundings. People watching can be fun at times. Everyone seems so busy in their lives. People are walking by me looking in their phones, not even bothering to look ahead while walking. Things seem to be so different and weird from the time when I used to be a kid. Suddenly, my attention snapped in the direction of a kid when he let out a yelp as he fell from his bicycle. I thought some things never change as I was reminded of my days of cycling around the neighborhood. I got up and reached out to the kid who was now crying, holding his knee sitting on the pavement. I took a look and saw that it was just a scrap, so I cleaned the little blood with my handkerchief and put on a bandage on the injured area from my handbag. The kid smiled brightly again and thanked me for my gesture. It immediately brought a smile to my face as I saw him riding the cycle happily again. But that smile was as quickly wiped off as it came on my face when I looked ahead and saw that a car was speeding in the direction of a young man who was busy on his phone and couldn't bother to look up. The car suddenly crashed into him smashing his body and head against the road splattering blood everywhere. I looked down to see my white shirt drenched in the red blood staining its every corner. I touched it, the blood immediately seeping on my hands as well and the shirt stuck to my body, clinging to my every curve. People screamed and gasped at the scene unfolding in front of us. A guy touched my arm, asking me if I need any help or if I am okay. Even though I wanted to answer, I couldn't. I just couldn't speak anything. I was numb. My mind was screaming at me to at least run or do something. But I couldn't. It was as if the universe was telling me that all my nightmares are put together piece by piece to create a puzzle and now, either I'd have to solve it or new nightmares such as this one would begin unfolding. I couldn't choose. I couldn't relive my old ones. But I didn't have the energy to experience any new ones either. I wanted to gag at the sight of blood. But I couldn't. I wanted to open my mouth and ask someone to help me. But I couldn't. I wanted to clear my vision and see something instead of the blurred images. But I couldn't. Suddenly someone's hands wrapped around my waist to lift me up and that's when my instincts kicked in. I elbowed him hard in his stomach and began sprinting. It was as if I knew that if I stop running, they'd catch me and put me in a cell to be rotten again. I was terrified. I was terrified of my past. I was terrified of my present. I was terrified that history would repeat itself. I was so horror-struck that panic set in my heart and I immediately knew what my next step would be. What the right step would be. People like me do not deserve to live.

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