Shattered Illusions

Chapter 8 - Of course, always!

Alex's POV:

I lied on my bed staring at the ceiling above. You can't always be a savior, son. You have to learn to let go. Though, she said I could be hers. I knew there is nothing between us except some sexual tension that we needed to let go of. But now I am beginning to doubt myself. Why do I feel stuck? Is my life gonna repeat itself? The history so dreadful? I can't let her go, ma. She needs me. I have to be her savior. With all my thoughts churning inside me, I start drifting to sleep...

I am in a field. A large green one, different flowers growing all around me. Bees are roaming around, sucking nectar from them. It is a beautiful day. I am back in my first home. The farm that we used to come to all the time with our father in summertime on his tractor. There is the river that we used to go to skinny dipping in. There are two kids there now, laughing at each other and splashing water around them. Their father is nearby them sitting on a bench cleaning his fishing rod. He is yelling at them to no go too far. "Boys, come back here now! I will teach you both how a great fisherman catches his fishes." The kids rush back to him, their superhero. The father is teaching them how to hold a fishing rod and catch the fish. The older son tries it and catches one in his first attempt. He is so happy. "Yayy! I did it, dad. Are you proud of me now?" His dad smiles. "Of course, son, always." The younger one tries as well but couldn't catch any. He started crying. "Hey there now, don't cry, remember all great heroes never give up. I'll always be proud of you too, son. Just keep trying." The younger kid looks up at him with so much admiration, but tears still in his eyes. His dad bent down to his level and wipe off his tears. He gave them chocolates and they jumped around happily, running off in the field and wrestling each other. I laughed at them. Such sweet and happy kids. Their dad laughed as well and yelled behind them. "Be careful, boys" Then after a moment, he slowly turned around and waved at me from afar. Finally, I could see that man's complete profile. I was utterly shocked. My mouth hung open and tears filled my eyes. It's not possible. How?! "DAD!" I yelled as loud as I could. I didn't even bother to blink my eyes, as if the second I blink them, he'll disappear, and I cannot let that happen. Then I remembered. Those two boys. The fishing lessons. It's a glimpse of my childhood that I had long forgotten. It was me and Marcus. I ran towards my dad, but he kept moving farther away. "No dad, please wait for me. Take me with you." My dad just kept smiling. "Now is not your time, son. Someone else needs you." I couldn't understand what he meant by that. No matter how much a son grows up, he'll always need his dad. My heart clenched as I realized this is my past. Not my present. Not my reality. But one day I will meet him again. Soon, dad."

I woke up with a start. I am back in my room surrounded by those black walls and grey comforter. I sighed heavily. So, this is how my morning's gonna start. I got out from the bed and went to the bathroom. I did my business, bathe and got ready for the office to begin my day. Though, I still couldn't shake the feeling from my dream. This was the first time I have ever thought of him in so long. I was so angry at him. So, I locked his memories away. Nothing to do but focus on my present. Not today though. Today all I could do was think about him. My heart feels heavy...heavy with the feeling of...nostalgic melancholy.

I got down the stairs. I didn't have time for breakfast as I had already slept in too long. My brother and Zane were sitting at the table, making stupid jokes and laughing at each other. They seem to be so happy. Just as they noticed me, they waved me over. "Come on brother, join us. You gotta hear what he did." Marcus said between laughter. I smiled at the scene. Oh hell, who cares if I am late. It's not like every day they are a little less annoying. So, I joined them. The maid served us our breakfast and we all began to eat. They both were talking and laughing loudly. I just listened to them and join in the laughter at certain moments. Everyone seemed to be chirpy today.

After a while, a maid brought Allysa down in her wheelchair. She looks freshly bathed. She was wearing a red dress that flowed down her legs. Damn, she looks beautiful in red. Gorgeous. She came over and the boys greeted her loudly, "Good morning, Isa" She smiled. "Good morning, guys!" Even her smile is so perfect, those lips that were wrapped around my cock yesterday. That's when it suddenly hit me what happened after that. And my own smile faltered. She was looking at me now. I just nodded my head at her and started eating my breakfast. I have to get out of here.

I was done soon enough and sprinted out the door. I didn't want to wait around and say something that I'll regret later on. I meant to ask her if she is okay now. But I couldn't. I look at her and all I wanna do is kiss her. I look at her and all I can think about is how good her pussy tasted. But as my eyes meet her, all I can think about is how shattered and fragile she was in my arms. She needs someone right now and I just happen to be there. I feel like I am taking advantage of her and that shit fills me up with guilt. I can't do that. Not to her.

I went to the office and Amelia listed off all the meetings I have for the day. My schedule is tightly packed right now, and I am kinda grateful for it. It would be a good distraction. I keep up with all the meetings and we try to figure out a solution. There are so many things that need to be taken care of here. I sat with my partner, Evan Miller. We were amid a construction project, and I was just a silent partner taking care of the investments. He needed my signatures on some papers, so I did them quickly, shook his hands and got out of there. I was in a hurry to reach the other meeting. Evan is a good guy, I'm pretty sure he'll take care of the rest of the things himself. Oh, I love competent people.

It was 10 p.m. now and I was starving. I hadn't even had lunch today due to my back-to-back meetings. I went to a restaurant and ordered a chicken for myself. I ordered some red wine and began scrolling my phone as I waited for my order. There were a number of e-mails, but I chose to ignore them as I was already very exhausted from today's work. Although, a certain e-mail caught my eye. It was from Allysa's doctor. He had scheduled a full check-up after a week to observe her recovery. I sighed.

Suddenly, a particular redhead caught my attention. Amelia. What is she doing here? She seemed to notice someone was staring at her as she turned around. She gave me a smile and walked towards me. I offered her to sit with me if she is alone here as well. She complied. She gave her order, and we made small talk about work and stuff. After a while, a blonde came by and kept her hand on my shoulder, trailing her hands down my arm seductively. "Get away, don't do that." I said very calmly, but I guess some people have trouble understanding simple English. I glared at her. "Oh, come on, I know you want it." That's it. I have had enough. I pushed her away and yelled at her to get the fuck out from my sight. She cried, wiping her tears from her eyes but sprinted away, nonetheless. I don't care if the whole restaurant's sights were on us now.

Then I calmed down a bit and sat back down my chair. Amelia looked at me suspiciously. "What?" She turned her head. "Nothing, just waiting for my order." I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about that, I have just been on edge since a few days." She stared at me and said, "You never reject an offer of getting laid. You jump at the chance. What happened now?" This time I turned my head away and muttered gibberish. She grinned. She always knows what's up with me. "Is it about a certain doe eyed girl living in your house, or may as well be in your heart?" I didn't say anything and chose to ignore her. "Where is our fucking order?" She laughed. Fuck, now even she knows. When did I become this transparent?

After the dinner, I thanked her for keeping me company and we went our separate ways. Instead of just being my assistant, she is a good friend as well. I went straight to the rooftop instead of going inside my house. I really didn't want to face anyone, or maybe just her. I don't know.

I sat down against the wall holding my head. There was so much right now that was going inside my head, and I don't know how to deal with half of it. I sighed heavily and looked up at the sky. I always loved to look at the night sky full of stars. My dad and I used to sit together at such nights and talk about nothing and everything. He used to tell me about his days in army or just talk about general things in life. Those were the days. He used to point out the constellations and I pretended that I could figure them out, even though I was too ignorant to do it. I just loved that I was there with him. I smiled a sad smile at the memory. My chest tightened and I fought to catch my breath. I took deep breaths, and I eventually did. I never had any major panic attacks, but sometimes they were just there.

There to remind me that it's okay to miss my dad.

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