Jalex (Song-Inspired) One Shots

Bring U Down

TW: Mentions of depression and self-harm.

Alex has had a rough few weeks. He felt the depression setting back in for what felt like no reason at all. He wasn't showering, eating, or leaving his house let alone his bed. He always hated when these depressive episodes came back, he could never find the right words to explain it to people, it just happened sometimes.

It was especially hard to explain to his boyfriend Jack. Jack has always been supportive of Alex whenever he's like this, but he's never really experienced depression or anxiety himself before. Alex couldn't help but feel like he weighed Jack down. He often wonders why he can't just be ok.

Alex stares at himself in the mirror as a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions cloud his mind. I'm not good enough. I'm a burden to everyone. I want to hurt myself. I just want to disappear...

His phone vibrates for the millionth time with the same name popping up across the screen: Jackie 😘❤️. Alex just silences it so he can go back to his drowning thoughts, fighting with himself and his inner demons.

~~~~~

"Hi, you've reached, Alex. Leave a message and I'll get back to you!"

Across town, Jack listens to Alex's voicemail for the hundredth time. Worry fills his mind like never before. He knows Alex has been struggling but he never truly knows to what extent. Alex has told him before that he can manage it on his own but something is different this time. No matter how bad it gets, Alex always answers his phone to let Jack know he's alright.

Jack grabs his jacket and keys. He tries Alex once more and when he gets no response he heads out the door and starts making his way to Alex's apartment.

~~~~~

Alex sits in the bottom of the shower, letting the cold water hit his face and soak the pajamas he's wearing. He cries. He just lets everything out, all the tears, sobs, and pain. He doesn't know why he feels like this, so much pain, but he lets the waves of emotion come and go. Then, he's silent. He feels himself start to shiver and he's grateful to feel something physical to help take his mind away from everything else.

~~~~~

"Come on, Alex. Answer your fucking phone."

Jack speeds across town, preparing himself for the worst and hoping for the best. He can't help but have a horrible feeling in his gut. Alex is the most important thing to him, he could never imagine losing him.

"Clam down, Jack. I'm sure everything is fine, he's probably just sleeping or something."

Jack's attempt at calming himself down doesn't work. A few minutes later, Jack pulls up to Alex's apartment complex and rushes out of his car and up to his apartment. Once he gets to the door he knocks a few times before trying the door knob. To his surprise, the door opens and he rushes in.

~~~~~

"Alex? Alex, where are you, baby."

Alex freezes. No, Jack can't be here. He can't see me like this. No, no, no...

He hugs his knees to his chest and bows his head, closing his eyes and wishing everything would stop and disappear.

~~~~~

Jack notices the sound of rushing water. He runs to the bathroom door and starts knocking.

"Alex? Are you ok?"

He knocks again and receives no response.

"Alex?"

After a few more moments of silence, he opens the door. He pulls the curtains back and sees Alex sitting there, shivering with red puffy eyes. Jack turns the water off before hopping in the tub with Alex. He pulls the smaller boy into his arms and squeezes.

"Alex, it's ok. It's going to be alright."

Alex continues to cry in Jack's arms, trying to believe everything Jack says as he holds him.

"I'm sorry..."

Alex's voice was so quiet and hoarse that Jack almost didn't hear him say anything.

"I'm so sorry."

Jack pulls back slightly to look at Alex's face. He places one hand on his cheek and wipes away some tears.

"Don't be sorry, babe. It's ok, I'm not mad or anything. I'm just glad you're ok."

Alex smiles slightly before his thoughts get the better of him once again. You don't deserve him. Look at what you put him through. You'll wear him down like everyone else. He's going to leave your sad, pathetic ass.

"No, no, no."

Alex pulls away from Jack and places his hands over his ears before he gets up out of the tub. Jack gets up too.

"Alex, you gotta tell me what's going on."

"I don't want to bring you down, Jack!" Alex yells.

Jack's taken aback by his sudden outburst and a wave of confusion washes over him.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

Alex takes a moment to collect his scattered thoughts before going on a rant.

"I'm not feeling like myself right now. I don't know why this happens but it does and more often than I'd like to admit. I'm a mistake, a fuck up, and if you stay with me I'll take you down with me. I don't want that. You deserve better. And I-"

Alex is cut off by Jack pulling him in for a kiss.

"Alex. I want you and I love you so fucking much. I don't just want the good I want all the bad too. I know I can't fix it, not that I want to because you're perfect the way you are, but I want to help. I want to be there for you and support you. I want to know what goes on in that head of yours. Please, just don't scare me like that because the thought of losing you...I can't even imagine it..."

This time Alex places his hand on Jack's cheek and wipes a tear from his eye.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to make you worry. Sometimes, it all just becomes too much. Too loud. It's like my own mind is my own worst enemy. Thank you for coming to check in on me. It means a lot."

Alex smiles at Jack. He understands now that pushing Jack away is not the answer. If anything, it made everything ten times worse.

They share a short yet meaningful kiss before they head into Alex's room and change it some dry clothes before lying on his bed. Jack pulls Alex in closer, never intending to let him go. They lay there for a moment in comfortable silence.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."