Hope

Who am I?

WHO AM I?

For an aspiring, sentimental, and novice writer like me, there is no exact word that can possibly answer the question. For years, from the moment I started writing on a clear canvas and picturing out a scene perfect for my soon-to-be-published novel, I have been so passionate to make something out of a vacuous thought.

I always wanted to live for something so meaningful and plausible. I always wanted to stick to something that would lead me to a path of answered questions, of solved mysteries, and unlocked doors. But as I went on this journey and met several people with broad sentiments of things and life, I came to a great contemplation that it is alright to not have it all figured out yet. It is completely ok to just exist and not have everything controlled in your hands as if you're a God.

That's why, in my hiatus era, I was left bereft and grieving the death of my pen. I was dead. For a couple of years. I was lost, finding my way out of despair. Until there was one time I was packing my things and I stumbled upon a pile of folders. I rummaged through some papers and then I realized that it was my certificate awards back when I was in junior high to senior high school.

I saw a paper that said: Radio Broadcasting Champion in a school-based competition.

In a snap, I was in colors, everything was so vivid to me. I could hear my claps of victory, the triumph sounds that my parents are making with their squeals of excitement and anticipation.

In the right corner, there was a paper; a certificate that said: 1st Placer Writer Awards.

I was shown a new memory that I cherished the most. It was back in 2019-2020, in junior high school, when I started to join a writing contest for the first time. Luck, I thought and whispered to myself, was on my side because I won 1st place.

Next to the pile of certificates was another paper. 2020-2021, 2nd Placer Best Writer Awards.

I suddenly saw myself on the stage, holding a microphone and handing certificate awards while showing the brightest smile I could make. This was when I joined a writing competition and it was my first time joining a genre that was not my niche. It was horror. And, again, luckily, I won 2nd place.

This was also the same year that I got chosen to be one of the masters of ceremony in our Festival of Talents event held in our school-covered court. It was the best time of my life because it was my birth month.

In a blink of an eye, I saw myself looking at all these certificates scattered around me. I was back to reality. And then I saw the other certificates that showed my awards, being the Top 1 in English, an Academic Achiever in senior high, and a consistent achiever in academics throughout my year levels.

I could never thank myself enough for all the awards that I received. And I took a second contemplation: I was not God and I would never and could never be Him; a higher being; the most powerful and superior of all. It humbled me to the core that I realized I was just a product of His hands that led me to my perseverance and accolades.

I apparently did not have control over the things that I found challenging and more than difficult to control. And it was fine at all.

So, to answer the question WHO AM I, I do not have the exact words for that unfortunately. But what I am most certain is that, I am everything of what I do; a therapeutic playlist that I listen to before I sleep; a note that I scribble my thoughts on; an empty draft that I vacuously stare at; a story with flawed chapters. But most importantly, a passionate person striving and doing her very best in everything that she does; a ray of hope.

I can be a dream; a paper; an ink; or laughter and tears.

I can be a storm; a rainbow; a shadow; a hardworking person; and I am, and proud to say, a product of an imperfectly perfect Love that sees things beyond what most people see. A love that endures with all adversaries and traumas, and wounds that try her best to heal, and shower the world with inspiration and hope.

The main reason why I go by the Penname HopeIsserenity is to give hope to everyone who needs it, just as we all need light, sun, and stars to make a balance in the dark and dim path. And I am a strong believer that when there is Hope, there is Serenity. The two should be inseparable for they stand to give each other strength.

Serenity is Peace. Therefore, I can also be Serenity; a calming soughing of the wind and a  crash of waves by the shore, or a calling breeze of the fresh wind that dances freely up in the sky, just as how the wings of the birds flap; freedom; beauty; and an everlasting peace.