Hope

imperfect narrative

You might probably be wondering why on Earth would I include curse words in my previous chapters, while adding such a sacred testimony of a rebirth of faith. Guess what. no one's perfect. that's why I'm here spreading hope that there exists change. and everyday we are given the chance to change for the better.

I hope one day, you'll come to see that there is much more to life than just being stuck in a relationship that benefits only one. I hope you get to see yourself the way God sees you. And I hope you live your life with such love that He's been trying to give you .. only you were blinded by the falsity of love ingrained by the wrong people.

and if no one has ever made you feel the real love, take a moment to read this one. And I hope something touches your soul.

Seeing all the heartbreaks I went through, I took a moment of deep contemplation. The reason I was experiencing false love is because I had been living my life unloved.

I settled for the things that I thought were real. I instilled in my head the fantasies I read in books, and the plots I've seen in movies. That just because someone says I love you doesn't mean they love you.

I thought a fleeting moment of exchanged glances and intimate kisses was the definition of what love is.

I thought being held by warm hands, and having been walked on a sidewalk, with the hands of someone on your waist while looking at each other's sparks was what love looked like. It dawned on me that it never was.

The love that I had been longing to feel was the love I refused to accept. With all the overused gestures of love that are seen in social media, and television, and flexed in magazines, I had grown disensitized to what love feels like. I was numb every time I heard it.

And every time someone says they love me, I was expecting it to be true. and hoping it would uncover all the layers I put on the surface, that if someone decides to step in, I would be as transparent as a peeled layer of an onion; with its skin lying in front of you.

But God was I so wrong my entire life. Waiting for someone and doing all the magic to be loved was more than a bad idea – as bad as selling yourself in the market in the hopes of being sold and taken care of.

I hadn't known that I was already settling with the fake versions of love. It should be peaceful and quiet. not forced, waiting, and pushing and pulling kind of love. but now it's not too late yet. and I know God is always waiting for me to come back home.

Because the real definition of love is not always seen in the physical world where people can fake love. Real love is quiet, but peaceful. It is certain, not unsure, not distrustful, and unloyal. It comes back and accepts you for who you are, and not leaves you for what you have wronged. It embraces you regardless of your past.

And until you fully embrace it, only then will you feel the true definition of love. Not some love that's boasted on captions with a heartfelt hashtags on any online interactive platforms that we see today. not some love that's bragged on television interviews about a couple who recently got engaged but were later on exposed in magazines with a caption of engaged couples, now broken up.

It is more than that. And I will wait until love finds me. I will wait because I know it's there. I will wait because I know that I have always been loved.