Every Scar Has Its Story

Chapter 3 Calm Down

*This Chapter mentions self-harm and may not be suitable to sensitive readers*

I had no idea where all the overwhelming feelings were coming from. They were specially reserved for my therapist, I had never spoken to my mom in that way before and it was actually calming all my nerves down.

" Baby, Thea. I'm sorry that's how you've always felt, and I promise you. You are my light, when your dad and I got married; we were so in love and we had everything. We knew that all we needed was you to bring in all the extra light into our lives. We got it honey, we love you with all we are. I really hope one day you get to know just how much we love you, so you can love yourself like that. You're not our blind baby, you're our baby and we love you."

" Can you just take me to school?"

" You are going to love it, it has so many things to offer..."

My mom always thinks the best way to solve any issue is by ignoring it, and I don't blame her. After all those years trying to make me fit in everywhere with her friends and family she finally decided to give up. She gave up on me having a normal life and decided me being home schooled was the best option.

After my first suicide attempt at 16, my parents decided to get me a therapist. The way I see it, self loathing is not one of the reasons why people commit suicide. People had cried for help in so many ways before and nobody noticed. You don't commit suicide because you hate yourself- no : you commit suicide because there is nothing in this world left for you. You feel alone, helpless and desperate for all the pain and agony to finally end.

I wanted to feel pain before, feel something that would make me feel like I was alive, even if it meant fork punctures into my thighs or knife cuts on my tummy and so many other self inflicted wounds. But I couldn't feel them anymore, they nolonger hurt,so I decided to finally end all the misery.

" Are you ready to go now?"

" Now or never!"

I had to calm down, I have been through so much already and school will definitely not be the last of it.

The ride to Harper's was silent and it wouldn't be long since my mom was very thoughtful to book me up in a college close to home, in case my anxiety attacks start to make an appearance. It was definitely one of the greatest special needs colleges in the country and it came highly recommended.

My mom gave me a long lecture which I wasn't willing to listen to, which she knew I wasn't listening to but decided to give either way. After that, she walked me to the entrance.

" I could've brought Bryce with me."

" No honey, just try your cane only today and then tomorrow you could come with Bryce and ditch the cane. Like we agreed!"

Of course we never agree on anything, she makes decisions on my behalf and I just accept.

"Have a great day honey. I love you, and remember your dad and I are on speed dial if you ever need anything"

" Bye Mom!!"

Unlike normal colleges for normal people. We special needs kids had a guide with us the entire week to help us remember the turns we take to get where we needed to go and take us to our classes. 9 am, I had my first class of the day. The guide tried making conversation but I wasn't interested. Our relationship would only be transactional, guide me and get paid for doing so.

My first class was a blast, I had such a great time. I dropped my books and this handsome guy knelt down in front of me and collected them, and it was love at first sight. That's me being sarcastic. Everybody else is special needs over here so I wouldn't get that kind of attention and it was kind of fun. Nobody pestering me about why I'm wearing sunglasses in class only to find out I'm blind or telling me I should watch my step like my cane didn't tell me before.

" Hi! I'm Walter."

Couldn't care anyless if he was talking to me.

" Hi, I said..."

" I didn't realise you were talking to me. As you can see or not see, I'm blind."

"Yeah I noticed,I can see actually. I'm from the...."

" Listen Waters or Walter or whatever your name is, I have to get to my next class so if you don't mind. I'm waiting for my guide."

" Yeah about that, Jennifer had to go somewhere so I'm your guide for today."

Shit! Bummer!

"You know Thea, you have to stop being mean to people. Calm down for a sec and just be nice."

" Lemme guess, she didn't even have somewhere to go. She bailed on me!"

Walter laughs, " She had nothing nice to say about you."

" And why did you take her place?"

" Seeing is believing, Princess. And your chariot awaits."

" Don't think I'm going to treat you any differently."

Walter snorts, " Oh I'd like to think you already are."

I am? What the hell is he talking about? I'm still cold to him. Who does he think he is?

" You never said a thing to Jen and here you are talking back to me."

Forget me trying to kill myself, I'm going to kill him.