Every Scar Has Its Story

Chapter 9 Still Here

" Hi sweetheart! How did you sleep? You were pretty bumped last night."

" And I'm still here, Dad!"

" Yeah, very happy that you are! So, it's finally Friday! I was thinking we should go out tomorrow,what you think?"

" Sure!"

" Show a little excitement, honeybear!"

" Yeah!! So who's taking me to my session?"

" You're with your mom today!"

" Yes sweeheart, you're with me today! I already told Walter you'll come a little late because you have your therapy session today. "

" Go ahead and tell him my shoe size while you're at it,Mom. I only have two classes today and they're after 11. Surely you could've checked my academic schedule, instead of talking to Walter."

" I thought you and him were friends and maybe he'd like to know..."

" Walter, is he the guy you bumped into yesterday?"

" No Dad, actually I'm not having this talk with you guys, definitely not today."

" I didn't have time to cook any breakfast honey, is cereal okay?"

" Yes Mom, it's fine!"

'Today was the day, a talk with my therapist. How exciting! I get to talk to a stranger about how I'm feeling and what I shouldn't do when I feel like shit. Yeah! I really do have control over my life.' That's just my sarcasm speaking.

We left the house, got into Mom's car and headed to the shrink's office. The ride from home to the office was silent as always, with the radio there to ease the awkwardness but it was still there. I'm pretty sure Mom really tried her best to not say anything, the last time she said a lot of things and I didn't speak the whole hour of my session. So I'm sure that's what she's avoiding.

She stopped the car and I knew we had arrived, a few steps and it was the elevator ride to Carol's office. The final beep, we had arrived at the top floor.

" Hey Thea, Hi Sue!"

Oh yes, Mindy! Carol's PA. I'm really not sure if she's friendly or she's this type of person who has an annoyed expression on her face and hides it with a weird smile. But either way, I like her. She always gives me this 'I don't care' vibe.

" Hi Mindy!" my mom responded

" I love your top ,Thea!" Mindy said definitely trying to get my attention.

" Oh too bad I can't see it, I have no idea what I wear. So you should prolly talk to my mom about it." I gave her the answer I knew she was waiting for.

" I figured, but it really looks good on you. Your mom has great taste. Anyway, Carol is ready to see you!"

" Thank you Mindy. We'll go see her right away."

" Uhm,Sue? Don't you think Thea knows her way around by now? You really don't have to walk her to Carol's door."

" She didn't bring Bryce this time so maybe I should..."

" She has her cane and there are no steps so she'll be absolutely fine. Right Thea?"

" I'll be fine, straight and a left after 2 minutes of walking."

" See! She'll be fine! Shall I get you anything while you wait for her?"

" Maybe just sodawater!"

"Please make yourself comfortable."

My day was getting a bit bumpy free. Surely Carol had a talk with Mindy. My mom always wanted to tag along for my therapy session and it was really weird for Carol to kick her out.
I have been coming here for a while now so I did know my way around. I even put a timer to know how many minutes it took me to get to Carol's door.

And here I was, in front of Carol's door. Before I could even knock, I felt warm air hit my face. The door was opened.

" Hey Thea! Come in, so exicited to talk to you today."

" Hey Carol!"

"Feel at home. So, how have you been since the last time we talked?"

"Like shit!"

" That's a bold one. I'm here to hear all about it."

" I did go to school. Thanks to you. Go on those 5 minute supervised walks outside our house on Sunday and what else? Oh that's pretty much it."

" Tell me about school!"

" School is fine, I'm doing great. The Braille textbooks are great, the audiobooks were so much better but well I can't complain. I just hate the fact that we really have to resort to those non- emotive checkpoints."

" Yes I agree with you, audiobooks are so much better."

" Right!But oh well. Yeah Mom supervises the walks like you said, I just walk Bryce outside our house and I'm back inside my cage. And that Carol is my life summarised in a neat perfect bow."

" You still haven't said anything about how you feel about everything!"

" How I feel? Hmm! How do I feel? This is new, you've never asked me how I felt before. Oh no you did, and I've always given you the same answer, I feel like shit."

" How shitty do you feel today?"

" This is going to be a long hour, okay Carol. Let's talk."

Carol always sees behind the mask I put on, she never believes the 'I'm fine, I'm bored, I'm pissed' crap. She always sees behind every storm brewing in my head, that's probably because she gets paid to do it. And that she loves being in people's heads.

After the session with Dr Carol Flint, Mom dropped me at Harper's. Walter was waiting at the entrance. I didn't bring Bryce today so there was no use of arguing with Mom about it.

" Hey, how was your session?"

"Okay!"

"I'm sure your class is going to be something else to today."

" Sure!"

" One word answers, okay noted. You're still mad. Let's go."

"Yes!"

Everything had changed between us in a matter of 24 hrs. We had gone to being friends( I guess) to being guide and guidee. Maybe that was how it had to be, like Carol always says 'Everything happens in perfect timing, and for all the right reasons.' So maybe my perfect timing was today, the right reason? He stood me up!

All the glory moments of my day. Therapy, School which felt awkward because I only spoke to one person and now we are not on speaking terms. Which is entirely his fault by the way. Then there was the part about getting home, Fridays were spaghetti and meatballs day so Mom never missed it. As soon as she picked me up from school she got right into it.

This was the part that all of us were able to enjoy, life was still messy but Fridays felt different. It made me feel like I was alive, like I was still here and I wasn't going anywhere. There was a very different aura about this Friday however.

" Dr Flint suggested I get the cutlery back!"

" Thank God! I was really having it with breaking my fork everytime we had to cut something really hefty." Dad celebrated.

" What does that mean honeybear? Good news, right?" he continued

" I guess so!"

" You're here. And you're fighting. This is a huge improvement, so I'm proud of you."

" She's still our Thea, isn't she? I love that she's been a bit vocal these days."

" Yes, which why. We've having a daddy-daughter time tomorrow."