Every Scar Has Its Story

Chapter 11 Worried Sick

After Dad had settled the bill and got Mom and I our takeouts, we left. It was way too busy for us to stick around and Dad was worried I'd get another panic attack so he wanted us to go home as soon as possible.

On our way home, he called Mom. There was a panic in his voice I last heard when I tried...when I tried to commit suicide. It was him who found me bleeding out on my bed.

(Flashback)

" Thea honey, your dad and I are going on our date. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

" Mom, really please go already!"

" Someone's eager to get rid of us!" Dad cut in

" You guys go have fun and enjoy yourself. I love you!"

" We love you too,I promise I'll drag your dad here before 10, okay?" said Mom as she kissed my forehead.

" Okay let's go! Thea, I'll bring back your favorite dessert."

" You do that! I want my malva pudding and cheesecake!" I demanded

" Okay baby bye!" Mom gave me a hug

They closed the door so I knew they were gone, I was much more friendly and open than I had ever been this past year.I wanted them to think I was okay. I didn't want them to worry about me. They didn't have to anymore at least. I heard the car drive off, I knew they were really gone.

I had thought long and hard about it, the suicide- that is. I didn't want to leave them a note or something. They'd look at it and read it all the time and remember that I had left them. Mom would even think it was her fault that she didn't she how unhappy I was with everything, Dad would think he didn't try hard enough.

I didn't want them to live like that, I didn't want them to shoulder the blame their whole life. I know not leaving a note makes it much worse but I'd rather not leave it.

I knew where the knives were, I opened the drawer where Mom put them. I ran my fingers along them to find the sharpest one. Ouch! The third one cut me even before I ran my fingers along it. It was probably the sharpest. I took it and went to my room, I sat ontop of my bed in the middle. I didn't even want to think about it,I opened my legs and cut my thighs. I read somewhere that it was the most effective way if I wanted to bleed out quickly.

It stung at first but after a while it didn't anymore. It felt good, the smell of blood- my own; death felt good. I cut myself again, deeper this time. It hurt like hell, but my mind was clouded within seconds. What if I did something wrong? What if I don't die? What if I do die? Was I ready to die? Am I sure I want to die? It didn't matter anymore because I was going to anyway.

My head started feeling lighter, the next moment my head was on the pillow. As I begun to lose conscious, I heard footsteps..the door opened and my dad screamed my name in so much agony.

" Thea!" he was so scared

"Thea!"

I could hear it all over again, in my head ringing. Like a constant reminder..

"Thea!" he shook me.

" What?"

" Hey honey, you fell asleep!"

" I fell asleep!"

"Yes, you did!"

I touched my thighs, I was dressed and I was wearing jeans. What was going on?

" Honey, are you okay?"

I couldn't understand what was going on anymore.

" Baby, we were at the coffeeshop and you must've fell asleep."

Oh! I was dreaming, actually it really did happen so it wasn't a dream.

" Are you okay? Do I have to take you to the hospital?"

" Thea! Sweetheart, what happened?"

We were already home, and Mom was not going to leave me by myself the entire day.

" Mom, I'm okay!"

" I promise I'm fine" I continued

" Thea, you just had a panic attack and you claim you're okay. Your dad could've taken you to the doctors, not here. I'll go grab my..."

" If everytime I have a panic attack we go to the doctors, we should live there instead. Yeah how about it, let's pack up and live at the hospital."

" Thea, it is not funny!" Dad tried to scold me

" You're right Dad, it isn't. I'm sorry Mom but for once just listen to me please...I'm fine. If I don't look fine to you after an hour, we'll do as you please?"

" Fine! Come inside!"

" Right behind you."

I couldn't wait to get Bryce and cuddle with him. I really needed him. As if Dad read my mind," I'll get Bryce for you."

I went inside the house while he went in the backyard to get Bryce. I sat on the couch and as soon as he was let out, he came hopping in my lap.

" Hey babyy!Hey Bryce! I missed you."

Bark!Bark!Bark!

" I know you do!"

Bryce barked sadly," Bark!"

" Bryce I'm fine! Really boy!"

Bark! Bark!Bark!

He sounded like he was going to make me feel better. I was on the couch petting Bryce for over an hour so Mom finally came over to check on me.

" So? Am I okay?"

" You look fine! But you seem disappointed!"

" What?"

" You don't look like your grumpy old self. You look..grumpy but a different grumpy. What happened at the coffeeshop?"

" Nothing!"

" Okay I won't push. So what do you want to eat for lunch?"

" Can I please have the muffins? I don't feel like eating."

" Thea, you have to eat. You can't eat muffins all the time."

" Let her have them"

Dad came in the living room, he must've been done doing whatever it is he was doing in his room.

" She smiled."

" She smiled?" Mom asked him

" After she ate the muffins, she smiled. Maybe she'll be better."

Instead of smiling after I ate the muffins, I smiled before I even ate them.