Hi guys! I am really happy that you are here reading this and thank you so much ♡ This is my first story I have ever written and English is not my first language, there are still room for improvement for me, so sorry for any misunderstanding and feel free to correct me or share your opinion. Please be aware that some chapters may contain mature content, which can be disturbing. Furthermore I am new to the world of Formula 1, never been in the cities I mention and I do not know anyone who is in the story so the information and events may differ greatly from the reality. Everything is just a figment of my imagination, I don't want to offend anyone. I hope you enjoy reading my story and have a wonderful day. ♡ Thanks again, love you ♡
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"Everything is alright?" "Have you arrived?" "I think you left something here." "Do you have a toothbrush?" "Do you have something to eat?" "Is the neighborhood safe?" "What are you doing tonight?" "What's the weather like?"
I keep getting messages like these from my friends and my mother. I left the apartment and the city where I grew up in 14 hours ago. In the past year, many things have changed in my mind and my life, which led me here. I am 20 minutes away from Modena, and from a new life that I will be living for the next 6 months there. I am starting to realize what is really happening.
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I have never lived or been really alone. I spent all of my time for one and a half year with my ex-boyfriend, until we broke up half a year ago. Before the university, we always did something stupid with my friends. I have two younger sisters who were always around, even if I had my own room. Since I've been single, I've spent much more time with my parents. I don't know how I'll survive without my loved ones, but I think it's time to find out even if it scares me.
I have to learn to be independent and enjoy myself without others. I want to do what I feel like doing and finally achieve something in my life on my own.
I wanna feel alive.
I don't have much to complain about. I am surrounded by loving people, I have good memories from my childhood, from school, with my friends. My relationship wasn't toxic either. But the past year has changed my life a lot. Starting with the fact that my friends and I went to different universities. Even if we keep in touch as much as possible, it's still not the same because of the physical distance. Then the last six months of my relationship flattened out. We did nothing but press our phones or watch movies. It was like we had been married for 20 years. It was as much my fault as his and we both realized it was not good for any of us. Finally, we were able to talk things out without any anger and let each other go. But since then, I haven't felt attractive and desirable like a woman. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, but it would be great to be confident again. I've been working on it for the past few months. I started running and going to the gym again, eating healthier and updating my wardrobe, but I felt that I needed something more.
Then I decided to move abroad alone for a while as the next step.
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When I finally got to my new home, it was already 10pm. I didn't have much strength to unpack, so I only took the most necessary things out of my suitcase. It didn't take long to look around. There is a small bedroom, a bathroom and a bigger space with the kitchen and the living room. It looks cozy, but I would like to buy some furniture to feel more at home.
I washed off my makeup, showered, put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth, put on the bed sheets and laid down on the bed.
The noise of the city could be heard, but still everything was strangely quiet. The room was dimly lit by the lights coming from the street. I was very exhausted, but I just stared at the ceiling for a while instead of sleeping while listening some soft soothing music.
As I started thinking about this whole experience, one half of me was afraid that these 6 months will quickly pass without really taking advantages of all the opportunities therefore I couldn't wait to discover everything as soon as possible. However my other half thought that I should not have came here and I should have stayed in my usual life because I had everything there and I'm just unnecessarily complicating my things.
But you're already here, Kiss Kamilla. You can't turn back now.
