Beautiful Sin [ ON HOLD ]

Chapter 11.

Of all the weird things I had done in my 22 years of life, I sure as hell never thought I'd find myself strolling down the familiar dirt road , heading to the convent where Teresa resided. The sun was almost setting, the horizon a blazing orange and the sound of the migrating birds soothed my nerves as I stupidly walked down the road.

I hoped I'd find her, she did tell me once that she taught a bunch of kids and teenagers after school in the convent. I hoped that I would catch the lesson , not be too late , a bit punctual.

I hadn't seen her at school today and , not saying I missed her since we've only hang out twice, well not hang out per say, but I just felt the urge to see her. More like disturb her , as per Aaron's words. I had a tiny wager with her. After careful consideration , weighing the pros and cons, I came to the sudden decision to come to church on Sunday. Her church . I had to inform her, see how she'd react to the news, whether she'd jump on me and hug me or just roll her eyes and call me desperate. Possibly the latter.

I felt the gravelly ground crunch with each determined step , the scenery around hauntingly familiar prior to my last visit. It looked suburban , the houses simple and almost identical , the distance view of a wind mill reminding me of that house on the hit children tv show Courage The Cowardly Dog.

The breeze felt like zephyr , whispering along , offering a chilling effect for my already radioactively hot skin. Then from a distance , I could make out the tall archaic tower , laid with grey bricks, the church and next to it, just a stone throw away . lain the convent.

My heart leapt against my windpipe , the once crippling anxiety trying to rob me of my sanity as I manifested a panic attack. I have never felt so unsure about visiting a girl before in my life, mostly because I knew I would be rewarded with the gift of intercourse whenever I visited a girl but safe to say , the occasion wasn't the same. This wasn't some girl whom I would be banging , no. This was Teresa , the young novitiate who lived a life so different from mine and I felt highly ridiculous for even following through with my idea on visiting her. Our friendship wouldn't even make sense if it ever blossomed.

Two completely different individuals , like day and night, rain and sunshine....we wouldn't work. But I wasn't looking for friendship. Just - I wasn't even sure what my intentions were truly. I was too scared to face the reality of fucking her, too stubborn to understand that she despised me and probably never would interact with me, too guilty to look at her in a not so innocent light. But still , I threw caution to the wind and made my way to the ancient church.

The compound smelled of freshly mowed grass, so earthy and with my keen observation , I could tell that it had been swept clean , no stray litter on the ground , leaves or anything. The place felt quiet , with the occasional sighting of a nun or two , sauntering in leisure , deep in their own conversations. I tried not to look awkward , or out of place as I made my way in the tall brown doors of the church.

About three to five people were seated in different selection of pews, head bowed down in prayer and felt completely out of place. I thought Teresa would be in here, teaching as she claimed she did, or maybe am just as late as usual. Even then , without her presence , I found myself seated in the very back column of pews, staring idly at the statue of The Virgin Mary. In her purest form , I wondered if Mary was around now if she would act the same way Teresa did. Both innocent, righteous. without sin.

But with a world as corrupted as ours, she probably would've fallen prey to the desires of the flesh. Somehow, Teresa seems to have escaped unscathed , how does she rid herself of the murderous temptations? How has she survived living without having tasted the forbidden fruit of sexual desire? How has she emerged successful from the endless battle os sexual gratification that has been my weakness since puberty? I was 12years old when I first learned about pleasure , masturbation and sex. The first time I even explode my body in the most obscene way possible. The first time I noticed the beauty of a well matured girl, breasts and all , the sinful awakening of intercourse behind closed doors.