Beautiful Sin [ ON HOLD ]

Chapter 15.

The confession chamber was any claustrophobic's nightmare. A confessional as referred by many , yet the sound made me shiver with an unfathomable fear. My chest felt tight as I struggled to readjust my collar, unbuttoning a few buttons just facilitate good air circulation, my hands were shaking and while inside the booth, the darkness engulfed me . It was just me , the priest on the other end of the booth and my endless sins. Through a screen , I could make out the man of the cloth.

It took a lot in me to agree to coming in here, in this booth , in an attempt to confess that which I had kept hidden in the eyes of the world for as long as I can remember. Sins so high than Mt. Everest, SO deep than the Pacific's Mariana's trench...I had sinned so much that I was sure I needed to be baptized in holy water. Doing all this for some unattainable girl was as crazy as it sounded...but the need to impress was like that siren that you cannot ignore, it kept calling me over and over again, beckoning me in its wake and I submissively broached it. The walls felt too thin and I risked the thought of someone hearing me confess...even with her words of encouragement, I felt pessimistic still.

The smell of mahogany was prominent as I braced myself for what would come next. I was going to expose my sins to this man in hopes that he doesn't judge me, or blow the whistle on me. I wondered if he could see me through the screen or was it too darn dark. Teresa had informed of the types of sins, Original sin, Venial and Mortal sins...I was a candidate of two of those sins; Original sin since I hadn't been baptized , and Venial. I tried to seek solace by grasping my rosary against my palms like Teresa did but all proved futile. Fuck , i felt as though I was about to confess to committing murder as opposed to my usual fornication sins.

I was well aware of the fact that I had done some ruthless acts in the name of getting laid. Trickery , manipulation , conning women , i had done it all. I'd do anything to get with a girl, I'm sure I had even taken advantage of a drunk incapacitated girl once.... that time Aaron dared me to seduce a blind secretary ..much to my deviousness , did so and succeeded up until her sister rebuked me on that. I was a wretched man , really. Apart of me knew if given the chance I would seduce an high schooler as long as she consented . It was all about consent but sometimes.....was I really truthful to myself? A drunk lady isn't one to make sober decisions so if I slept with countless drunk women countless times, was i doing it against their consent? Yet here I was , trying so hard to get into good graces with Teresa in hopes that she would let me in.

" Yes my child , are you ready? " his voice boomed through the enclosed booth making my skin crawl with anxiety.

My throat clogged up as i swallowed as hard as i could , preparing myself from what was to come.

" I-I am..." My voice shook , my heart thumping hard against my chest. This was it , no turning back.

" You may begin, my child, "

She'd given me a few tips , the steps on how this goes by and I felt my legs grow cold like blocks of ice , the familiar taste of anxiety over flowing my blood stream.

" Forgive me father, for I have sinned...." Those words felt too foreign against the tip of my tongue. It stung like poisonous needles as I swallowed the bile that rose , hundreds of sins that i had committed parading down my train of thought. But the one sin that stood out the most , one that had taken me aback , was the sin of lusting over the forbidden fruit , Teresa. She was the worst girl to try and get with....sophisticated , unimpressionable, pure , innocent and untainted. I had Tanya or any other girl in school whom I could employ my conniving and devious tactics on but I had to fall prey to Teresa's charms.

" This is like my very first confession ...I have never done this before so...." I waited for him to bash me but instead , I am met with a understanding nod and some words of encouragement.