My Journal of Letters

Chapter-24

Mood: Heres your letter. By Blink-182 (the song on here is a cover song but I still love it!)

"Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life"
------
Kellin POV (before leaving)

Dear Vic,

You ment no harm in what you did with the song I know that, but it just scared me knowing that you had to witness that part of me that no one should ever see. I love you too Vic please don't think I don't because I truly do. I love you more than I love myself.

I'm sorry I never said it but I knew that if I did it would make this goodbye a hell of a lot more harder. I never wanted to leave you like this but I just can't take the thoughts running in my head.

That night on the roof. I was thinking. I was thinking about what it would be like to fly with the birds, and what would happen if I did jump. Would God send his angels to fly me to heaven? Would I be happy with my sister Sara.
Heh, it's funny, I never told you about her or how she died.

She was my twin, my best friend Vic. No matter how hard my mom tried she could never separate us. We had this sort of connection. When she was sad I would know. When I was sad she would know.

She slept over at her friends house one time and I told my mom to call her and see if she was okay because I had a bad feeling. When she did her friends mom was about to call because she wanted to come home. We have a lake house up in Michigan so every year we'd spend Christmas and summer there.

On February 5, 2005 she died. Her and I where playing with our new toys that day when she took one of my cars and started running away with it. I chased her down to the lake and I made a bad choice in stomping while we where standing on the ice.

The ice started cracking but we ignored it and ran farther on to it. I was mad and I wanted my toy back, so I stomped on it again and the ice cracked more. She told me not to move so she could and I listened. Truth is if one of us moved the ice would have broken on that side.

When she moved she fell straight through. I froze and just watched as it happend, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't swim and neither could she. My dad came out and pushed me aside and dove in after her. When he came up with her she wasn't breathing, the paramedics came and called that she was dead on a rival. It should have been me, Vic! I should have been the one to die in that water. My sister should have lived and my dad should have stayed if he nevr knew I was gay.

I wish every day that Sara was here instead of me. It would have been alot more easier for my mom to handle with just one person gone. My dad would still be here and my mom wouldn't be living in the shit hole we live in now... I think I lost my point some where in this letter, buut then again may be not because you asked if I was thinking and I gave you what you wanted. The whole story on what in thinking. The memory that haunts my drean like a nightmare. The thing that's killing me the most. So it's not your fault, I promise.

I'm sorry I said those things to you I was just pissed. You're not a prick you're an amazing person with a beautiful heart that will go far in this world. I love you Vic and I always will. Please don't give up when I leave. I need you to de this for me please.

Love for ever and always,
Kellin.

I put the pen down and ripped the paper out of my book and placed it with the rest. Each letter had its own envelope and wrote the proper names on them. I stood up from my desk and took one last look around the my room before leaving the house compleatly. It was still pretty early. I want to say 12 o'clock. I'm not really sure I didn't bring my phone.

I left it on my desk because I know my mom would call me if she didn't see me at home. I put it on top of the letters so my mom can see them. I should have said good bye before they left. I should have talked to Vic one more time. Vic, my sweet love. The one who who has seen the real me. The me who almost jumped off the roof that day.

I shook my head back to reality when I heard the crunching of gavel under my feet. I looked up and saw the old rundown trailer the I've come to hate. It still looked beat and rusted. I've only ever seen it once when I was sent here to get something.

"What do you want?" I heard his voice came booming in my ears. I turned and faced the scruffy faced man in front of me.

"Hey dad." I said a little sad and bitter.

"Don't call me that. What do you want?" He said again rolling his eyes.

"I was just leaving, I was going to put this in your mail box and leave." I said holding up the letter. He was going to answer back when a women called out to him.

"Joe hunny? Who is this?" She said whiping her hands. I didn't bother turning around to know that it was his new wife.

"No one he was just leaving my love." He said. I looked behind me and gave the woman a small smile and wave.

"Hey Joe where do- Kellin?" Rian said as he came out of the car. "What are you doing here?" He asked genuinely confused. I looked down at the note in my hands and looked at my dad then to Rian.

"Nothing just taking a walk. I have to go." I dropped the note and ran off the property before anything else was said.

I ran for what it was worth it felt good getting away from there and not looking back. He hurt me and he didn't care, he's a homophobic bastard just like his stupid step son!

I ran as fast as I could to where, I don't know, but it was a place where the hight of it wouldn't scare me, but give me comfort and welcome me with open arms. It was my sanctuary, my home away from home. A place where I could do it alone and no one would find me. My place, my tree.

----

Not ganna lie Vic's letter is, I think, the longest one. Oh yea and I lied... there is one more chapter left I was going to end ot on chapter 24 but I just made it a 2 part chapter instead. I hope you guys enjoyed this book and thanks so much for staying with me. Love you lots.

-Sofia