My Journal of Letters

Chapter-4

"All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets." Writer Cory Doctorow.

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Kellin POV

No, no, no, no NO! WHERE THE FUCK IS IT! I got home and went to get my journal from my bag and it wasn't there. I kept thinking the worst. What if a teacher found it, what if one of the assholes from one of my classes found it. God this can't be happening. What the hell was I going to do?!

"KELLIN I'M HOME!" I jumped when I heard my mom call out for me. "Kell?"

"Yea give me a second I'll be there in a minute?" I yelled out so she doesn't come down the hall and see me. I quickly put on a pull over hoodie and walked down the hall to the kitchen.

"Hey, Mark bought you a burger for dinner and I can't stay for long. Jackie's out sick and I said I'd take up an extra shift to fill in because we are low for rent and we have to go to the store this weekend. I can't have my baby boy starving." She said while giving me a kiss on my head before going to the bathroom.

"Tell him I said 'thank you'." I yelled. I took the food and walked back to my room. I put the foam carrier on my desk and opened it letting the smell fill my room.

My stomach started to growl and I nibbled on the fries before slumping on my bed and doing home work. I heard the shower go off to signaling that my mom was done. A few minutes later she came back to my room.

"I'm leaving in a few just wanted to let you know." She said and looked over to the food on my desk. "Kellin you didn't eat?" She asked giving me a pleading look.

"I ate the fries. You take it I'm not hungry, I can't have my mom starving." I smiled she came in and gave me a hug.

"You're too good to me. Love you baby don't wait up for me, you have school tomorrow." She said.

"K, love you too. I'll see you tomorrow morning." I said kissing her cheek. She left to go work the long night shift that is going to kill her one of these days. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she always is working to keep food on the table and to pay rent ever since my dad left.

She really never stops working until Mark-one of my mom's coworkers who also has a crush on her- makes her go home. Mark takes really good care of my mom and he always helps when he can. It's cute because my mom likes him too but she says that she has no time for that since the divorce and since she has me.

That's another reason for why I feel like this, because my mom is always worried about me and worried about what I need that she doesn't have time to go out and have fun. For gods sake she had me when she was sixteen, I mean I took up her fun teenage years because she had to raise me.

I finished my homework around 9:30 and by then I was exhausted so I put my books away and went to bed. I'll have to go to the library during lunch and look for my book.

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As soon as the bell rang I was the first one out of class. As quickly as I could I went to the library and asked the lady if she's seen my book.

"It's green and has scratches and black marker on it." I explained. She gave me a blank stare and shook her head. I put my face in my hands and took deep breaths.

"Kellin?" I turned and saw Vic looking at me. "Hey, I found something that might belong to you." He said shyly. I frowned my eyebrows when he started to walk away.

Out of curiosity I followed him to a lonely table in the middle of the fantasy section. He opened his bag and my eyes widened as he took out my note book. I snatched it away giving him no time to process what just happened.

"You didn't read it did you?" I said quickly. He looked down avoiding my gaze. Fear rose in me as I quickly started to pace back and forth. "No no no. You can't tell any one about it please it would just make things worse for her." I said holding his shoulders and making him look at me.

"I won't if you tell me why." I looked at him before looking down myself. "You don't have to tell me now, you can tell me whenever but I just don't want you to feel like you're alone." He said and pulled me into a hug. I tensed up as the sudden sign of affection but then slowly loosened and hugged back. I felt butterflies take flight in my belly as we hugged but I brushed them off.

"You're still coming over after school right?" He asked. Should I go over? Why not. I nodded and smiled a little. "Cool come on let's go get lunch. I can practically hear my stomach screaming 'feed me'." He laughed. I smiled a little but I didn't bother telling him I didn't have money for lunch so I'll just not get anything and say I'm not hungry.

We walked down to the cafeteria to get food from the grill. I watched as he smiled at the lady behind the counter and how he made little chit-chat while she made his lunch. I found myself lightly smiling at how sweet he is to other people. I also felt my heart beat pick up every time he smiled at me or talked to me. He looked at me and frowned as he walked to where I was waiting. Was I staring a lot longer then I realized?

"Where's your food?" He asked grabbing an apple.

"I'm not hungry." I said lightly and as if God himself hated me, my stomach made a demonic growl causing Vic to raise an eyebrow and look at it.

"Not hungry huh? Come on let's get you some food." He chuckled and pulled my arm to follow him. I struggled trying to get out of his strong grip but it was no use he went to a military school so he's stronger.

"Vic really I'm fine I can wait until I get home." He stopped almost making me trip over him.

"You're going to wait until you leave my house later on tonight to eat. Kellin, today you will meet my mother and if you don't eat she will personally shove the food down your throat." He said getting into another line for me. I quickly grabbed his arm before he had the chance to say anything to the lunch lady.

"No Vic you don't get it." I whispered so only he can hear. "I can't buy lunch for a reason." I said feeling tears form in my eyes.

"I'll buy you lunch." He offered nicely but I just shook my head. He really wasn't getting it.

"You don't get it." I took a deep breath before saying what I needed to say. "I don't have money to get lunch and I don't want you buying me lunch becaue I know I won't be able to pay you back." I sighed.

"Okay." He said simply before going back in line. Wait what?

"Vic. What are you doing?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"I'm getting you lunch whether you like it or not. You don't have to pay me back Kell." He said and with his free hand he pushed a few strands of my hair out of my face. I huffed and accepted defeat knowing he still wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.