AFAAOCSAAABAS Act 2

Part 1-3: Investigate it!, Astrodude..., Where are they now?

Part 1: Investigate it!
— High up in the mountains of Sardiniastan, a cave base lies hidden. A snake lies hunched over a computer, searching. He has been looking for a while now, and he has found his object of interest. He quickly calls out to attract the attention of his employer. —
RF: Señor Sanchez, please give me a moment and come look at this....
TH: (Hunched over a table, furiously drawing) I AM VERY BUSY, RAFAEL, THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO BE PESTERING ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
RF: But señor... I think it's the beast!
TH: (he looks up, an eyebrow raised in suspicion and interest)
THE BEAST? ARE YOU SURE OF THIS, RAFAEL? DO NOT BE PULLING MY TAIL. I WILL MAKE YOU PAY IF YOU ARE.
RF: Sí señor! This is her! I really think so!!
TH: (He hops out of his chair) WELL SHOW ME ALREADY!! JEEZ RAFAEL YOU ARE ALWAYS DILLY-DALLYING! ALWAYS STALLING AND NEVER GETTING to the point!
RF: (Sighs and pulls up the photo) I found it on this one lady's Facebook page I follow- I mean I found it.... just... searching....
TH: SHOW ME!!
RF: (Pointing at the screen) MIRA! LOOK AT IT!
TH: (He studies the screen carefully)
MY GOODNESS.. THAT IS HER! RAFAEL, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING WORM YOU FOUND THE BEAST!! (He jumps around, giddy) WE FOUND HER! WE FOUND HER!!!
RF: Sí, sí señor... but what is your plan to get her here??
TH: HRRRMMMMM.... (he ponders for a bit)
RF: (Goes back to scrolling through Facebook
TH: I GOT IT!!! WE SAIL ALL THE WAY TO AMERICA AND I CHOP HER IN HALF!! I'LL GO GET HACHARA! SHE WILL BE SO EXCITED!
RF: Hrmmm good idea... but that would take a long time to sail there!!
TH: HOW LONG?
RF: Roughly... 4 months.
TH: (Stunned stupor)
RF: I would suggest flying there but you know your whole "no fly" list issue....
TH: GRRR... THOSE FLIGHT ATTENDANT IDIOTS WERE VERY STUPID! HACHARA IS AS MUCH OF A PASSENGER AS WE ARE!
RF: Yeah... so any other ideas? Maybe they can come here....
TH: I'VE GOT IT!! WE CAN TRICK THEM INTO COMING HERE!!!
RF: That was my idea- GREAT IDEA SEÑOR!! How will we do it?
TH: THANK YOU RAFAEL. I ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE BEST IDEAS.
HMMM.. DO WE KNOW ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT THE BEAST?? LIKE WHO ARE THESE OTHERS IN THE PHOTO?
RF: Well, I have been following this person for a while... she seems to have kept the beast at bay in her house....
the woman who keeps the beast has a husband who works at Nasa and a son who seems very smart, but quiet.
TH: CAN WE INVESTIGATE THIS... HUSBAND?
RF: Of course (he pulls up astrodude's Facebook page and begins scrolling) Hrmmmm lots of pictures of him at nasa... and lots of space pictures... Oh! Here! Here are ones with the beast!
TH: HRMMM.. HE WORKS AT NASA, CORRECT? PERHAPS WE COULD SEND A FORGED LETTER SUGGESTING A PAID-FOR VACATION TO SARDINIASTAN..
RF: Yes but we want the beast not him!
TH: AND THEN WHEN THEY COME HERE I WILL CHOP THE BEAST INTO PIECES WITH HACHARA!!!
RF: But señor!! Why would the husband bring the beast with him?!?
TH: EERRRRUUUHHHHH
WELLLL
IIIIUUUHHHH
ARGH RAFAEL STOP BEING SO CEREBRAL
RF: (Sighs) okay señor... we do your plan....
TH: YES! OF COURSE WE WILL. IT WOULD BE FOOLISH NOT TO.
RF: Yes... of course....
TH: (Grabbing sheets of paper) LET'S GET TO WORK!! COME ON COME ON WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY
RF: Alright! (He begins meticulously designing a beautiful advertisement able to full the most keen eyed examiner)
TH: (scribbling on the paper in increasingly poor english)
RF: (Glancing at Sanchez's paper) ahh... lovely...
TH: HAHA YES! IT IS SURE TO CONVINCE THAT WRETCHED KEEPER OF THE BEAST!!
RF: what? Are you sure? I can barely read it...
TH: YOU CAN'T?!
RF: I mean- Yes of course it's wonderful!!
TH: YOU REALLY THINK SO? YOU ARE NOT JUST LYING TO APPEASE ME?
RF: NAOOOOOOOO....
TH: OKAY!
(The paper looks absolutely horrible and has a corner gnawed off) LETS GO SEND IT TO HIM, I AM SO SURE HE WILL FALL FOR IT!
RF: Yes, yes, of course (he puts the paper in an envelope and places it in their mailbox) now we wait....

Part 2: Astrodude is the new Astroboss

-~Meanwhile at the Rotsar building~-
NB004: (Frantically searching around the building for the new General)
AD: (He's sitting in his new office, wearing a silly uniform and cluelessly skimming through papers)
NB004: (Burst in the room) Boss man! I mean- Astrodude I mean- General AHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL YOU!
AD: Oh! Astrodude is fine, don't worry about it.
NB004: M'kay! (Shakes her head rapidly then salutes) Astrodude Sir! My number is 004 and I am here to assist you in getting comfortable in your new job! I am currently the second highest ranked nasaball sir!
AD: The.. second? But wouldn't that be.. 002?
NB004: (Sheds a tear) I miss him...
AD: O-Oh, what happened? I-i-if you don't mind me asking, completely your choice, you don't have to....
NB004: He was a brave man... he went to the sun to investigate zig zags....
AD: You... threw him into the sun?
You know what, don't answer..
Where's 003?
NB004: Ahh.. fairly recent.. this odd one... what was her name... Trouti? I'm not quite sure... and a defect, 1025, pushed him out into a free way, and we never heard from him again.
AD: Trout...i....
You mean Sardi?
(he sighs) That's- that's not the exact story...
She told me that this nasaball was chasing her and Dave- er- 1025, and they ended up at a freeway and...
You know....
NB004: I see. Sardi, as you say, I want to talk to her. and Dave. I want to apologize and thank them. They showed me there was more to life than this.
AD: Thanks for being calm about this.. I suppose I could take you over to them? How does that sound?
NB004: THANK YOU! YOUR THE BEST ASTRODUDE! I LOVE YOUUUUU!
AD: Eer- Thank you-
NB004: I just wanna say... im *kinda* a huge fan...
AD: I'm pretty sure everyone here is.
NB004: Everyone but 001... he doesn't like anyone
AD: Speaking of which.. where is he? I thought he'd be the one to greet me....
NB004: He isn't feeling well... I mean, he is REALLY old like i'm talking almost 70
AD: Are you sure that's not the only reason? I've seen you guys panic over this weird "core" stuff, what if it has something to do with that?
NB004: Perhaps... but he still is old as dirt I swear and he looks so good for his age....
AD: Er- he what?
NB004: EIP! Nothing! Never felt anything for him! Nope! Anyways need any help figuring this whole general thing out?
AD: Yeah..
What am I supposed to do, exactly?
NB004: uhhhhh
Hrmmmmmm
Eeeerrr
Manage missions....? We haven't done much other than general research since you returned from space....
AD: I thiiiink we should postpone on the missions as long as possible.. (He shudders, remembering the talking planets)
NB004: (Inspecting astrodude) No offense, but I think we would want to get a more uh... like... fit astronaut to send on space missions....
AD: ....
NB004: er... you're just getting older and... I dont think all the paperwork is doing you any favors.....
AD: ..........
NB004: Hey I mean it's not a bad thing!!! If you aren't on a mission you can spend time with your family!... hah... hah.. hah....
AD: (He sighs) Okay, I believe that's enough helping out for now.
NB004: Errrr.... (She hangs her head in shame and leaves slowly)
AD: Don't- don't feel sad, I've been neglecting myself for quite a while.. and remember, I'll need you back here in a bit for the apology.
NB004: (Poutingly nods) okay....

Part 3: Where are they now?

-~Somewhere in the a jailhouse~-
DR: (Sitting behind a pane of plexiglass, waiting for someone)
AB: (He makes his way to the other side of the plexiglass, taking a seat)
DR: (Picks up the phone) Hey....
AB: (He picks up the phone as well) Hi, Samuel.
DR: So SO sorry about what happened... I'm working on saving up for your bail....
Also... I want to apologize for cutting communication when you needed it most.
AB: (He says nothing, his eyes looking blank and empty. Eventually he does respond, but it sounds more monotonous than enthused)
It's fine. I don't really care.
DR: (Heavy sigh) I miss you....
AB: I'm right here, aren't I?
DR: I miss the old you...
AB: Trust me, you shouldn't. The guy is a jerk.
DR: Hrmpf. but you're so dry now....
AB: (He doesn't respond for a bit, but eventually he does)
I think you should leave.
DR: (Stares at him, very sadly, then hangs up the phone and leaves)

TN: (Sitting in a small pizza joint, deep inside the city)
PM: Sooooo, new girl, how's it holding up?
TN: Hrmpff... this is harder than it looks... (She is kneading some pizza dough into a big ball)
PM: You'll get used to it.
BT: (A fairly large man with black, greasy, combed back hair walks up behind Tenn) Hey kid, who ya talking too?
TN: Uh- the pizza...?
PM: (It goes silent)
BT: Ahhhhh stressed about the new job I assume? Hearing voices? Don't worry Kid, you're doing great.
TN: Thanks... but this is still pretty difficult....
BT: Just keep working with it! You'll become a pro in no time, things are always hard at first.
TN: (She keeps working with the dough, starting to get it into a flat disc as Tony walks away)
PM: (Whispering) Is he gone?
TN: Yeah... Why'd you leave me hanging like that! Now he thinks I'm crazy!
PM: It wouldn't matter. He can't hear me anyway.
(It sighs) Even the omniscient have their limits....
TN: Are you sure you're just not afraid of him....
PM: ...
Errr... noooo?
The omnipresent have no reason to be afraid... that is, unless their creator happens to..
You know what, nevermind. I'm not afraid.
TN: Yeah sure. (She continues making the pizza) Erm... is it cheese next or sauce next?? I can't remember!
PM: (Sighs) Sauce.
TN: Thanks! (She puts sauce on the dough, the immediately sticks it in the oven)
PM: No! Take it out!!
You put the cheese next.
TN: Whoops... my bad (She takes the pizza out, coves it in cheese and places it back in)
PM: Did they order any toppings?
TN: (Looking at the recite) uhhhh... Sardines?? Who orders a sardine pizza though?!
PM: You'd be surprised. Take it out and put the toppings on, will ya?
TN: (Takes the pizza out again and opens a can of sardines) Blehch... who would even stomach these things... (She carelessly places them all over the pizza)
PM: HEY! Be less careless with them.
TN: But they're gross... (She neatly arranges them and places the pizza back in the oven)
PM: THANK you.
Was that so hard?
TN: It actually was pretty difficult! I'm not used to making stuff like that!
PM: You'll learn eventually..
TN: (Sighs) I guess.
-~A few minutes pass and the pizza is done cooking~-
BT: Hey kid, Ready to deliver your first order?
TN: Yup!!
BT: (He hands her the address) Now go on to this house here and give them their pizza, and I expect you come back with 13 bucks to pay for alright?
TN: Alright!
PM: (He scoffs without making a movement or sound) Let me handle it. You'll take too long. It's been 16.46 minutes since they ordered.
TN: No! I want to take it!! (She walks out and begins walking to the address written on the slip of paper)