I walked around the park, the numbness filling me up again. What was going on? Wasn't he going to call me back and tell me he wanted to be with me? Would I wake up from this nightmare?
But what if it was real? What if Brendon and I weren't meant to be? Other girls would usually know how to handle it: just another break up. But not me. Brendon was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first requited love. I didn't know if I'd ever feel the same way about someone else; I couldn't picture it.
Brendon was a huge deal. I thought we'd get married, and he told me we would. But then again, he was older, he'd been with other girls before. Had he treated them all the way he'd treated me? Had he told all of them that he'd never felt so in love before? Probably. But I was the only idiot who thought he meant it.
I got back home at 8:02 pm. I didn't feel anything, only the emptiness growing inside of me. I went upstairs to my room, where I found a new girl sitting on my bed. I froze and looked at her for a second. She was staring at the closed curtains. Her face looked sad, but it wasn't... It was simply expressionless, like she had no feelings. Her hair was gathered in a ponytail; it was dark brown with a couple blonde highlights. I didn't even need to look at her eyes to know what they looked like. She wasn't amazingly pretty like the others, though.
These girls showing up at my house didn't even surprise me anymore. I ignored the girl and threw myself on the mattress. After two minutes, she spoke.
"Tired?" She asked. Her voice was deep.
"I guess" I replied.
"What happened?"
"My boyfriend broke up with me" I said. I thought saying it would bring me to tears. But it didn't. I really didn't feel anything.
"Well, it's not a big deal"
"It is"
"Why? Girls go through breakups all the time"
"But not me," I explained "he was my first boyfriend"
"So what?"
I sat up, frowning at her.
"So what? So I kissed a guy for the first time. So I fell in love for the first time. So a boy liked me for my personality for the first time"
"You really think so?" She chuckled. "Marianne, no one could ever like you for who you are"
She knew my name. Of course she did, she was friends with the others.
"What?"
"You're sad, all the fucking time. You're so boring. Plus, you have absolutely no grace" she said.
She reminded me of Cat, as I thought she'd listen to my problems and help me and stuff. But she wouldn't. She'd only tell me the ugly truth.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"Have you even seen yourself? Have you seen your cheeks? I'm surprised Ana and Mia are still friends with you. Have you seen your nose? It's probably the ugliest thing you have. Have you seen your skin? You're the only girl in your whole grade who has acne, aren't you? Other girls wear make up for fun, every once in a while. You? You have to wear it everyday, just so your face doesn't look too shitty. Have you seen the way you walk? You always fall down, don't you? You look so funny. You can't even walk like the other girls do. You'll never be like them, you'll never be a normal girl. Why would someone like Brendon want to be with you?"
She was right. I thought I'd cry, but I didn't. Every single thing this girl said, I already knew. I decided to lie down and look at the ceiling, not knowing what to do with myself.
"You should be ashamed of everything you are" she said as she stood up.
"I know" I said softly.
"I'm Deb, by the way" she said as she walked out the door.
