"Under the bridge? Seriously?" I said after the song ended.
"It seemed appropriate" Sue's brother replied.
"I have to agree"
"I haven't introduced myself properly. My name is Damien" he said.
"I'm Marianne... But you already knew that" I said, looking at my feet. He chuckled.
"I did"
"How?" I asked. Had his sisters told him about me? I didn't think so.
"Mom told me about you" he replied.
"Oh, Sophie" I said, remembering what Sue had told me.
"How do you know her name?" Damien asked, curious.
"Sue told me"
"What did she tell you?" He asked.
"She told me Sophie said the right thing to do was to end my suffering. And that's what I should've done when Sue gave me the chance" I said, feeling like crap all over again.
"She told me the same thing" Damien said.
"Who? What?" He lost me.
"Sophie" he explained. "She told me I should end your suffering"
"So why didn't you let me kill myself?" I asked. It made no sense.
"That's how Sue does it, not me" he said. "There are other ways, you know? Better ways"
"Yeah?" I scoffed. "Like what?"
"Happiness" he said softly.
"Happiness is a myth" I said, bitter.
"It's not"
"Okay, maybe it's not a myth, you know? Maybe it's more of a... Hope. But a hope that can't be reached. It's like... Have you seen those super perfect Victoria's Secret Angels? They are unreachable. However, fat girls like me believe that we'll be like them some day by starving ourselves and running a lot. But it's not that way; I'll never be like them, no matter how hard I try" I said, getting a bit soft.
"So you're saying that happiness is like perfection? Something that can never be reached, but trying to reach it is supposed to be... Comforting?"
"That's exactly my point"
"Happiness is not something you reach" Damien stated. "You know how they say life is a journey?"
"Yes"
"Do you think life is a journey?"
"Yes"
"Why?" He asked, looking at me with those beautiful gray eyes.
"Because... Life goes on. Life isn't static, it's moving: it's happening. When it's not happening anymore it's because you're dead" I explained.
"Happiness is pretty much the same" he said. "Let me put it this way: you're walking down a long path. The path gets dark sometimes, and it gets ugly. You encounter a beautiful garden right there, in the middle of the path. The garden is colorful, warm, bathed in sunlight. It's full of beautiful flowers. So you decide to spend a while in the garden. You jump around and laugh and lay down in the garden, because it makes you feel good. However, you can't stay there forever, can you?"
"No"
"Why?" He asked.
"You have to keep walking down the rest of the path"
"Correct. Life would be the path"
"Then what is the garden?" I asked.
"It's not happiness, because it's momentary. It's one of those good moments in life when you feel happy"
"But isn't that happiness?"
"No. Feeling happy and being happy are different. Feeling happy is when you feel good only in the garden. However, being happy means you feel good even in the darkest and ugliest parts of the path"
"I get it" I said.
"So, would you like to be happy?" Damien asked.
"I don't know" I said.
"Why not?" He seemed confused that anyone would turn down the chance to be happy.
"I'm scared"
"Scared of what? You have absolutely nothing to lose"
"I don't know if I can be happy" I said, softly.
"What do you mean? Anyone can be happy if they really try"
"I only know the dark parts of the path"
"But I told you," he said "being happy means that you feel good even if your path is only made up of dark parts"
"I'm afraid of the garden"
"Why would you be afraid of a good moment?"
"Because good moments aren't eternal. Good moments are only that: moments. Once they're over you have to keep walking down the path. And you're going to miss it. You're going to miss the sunlight, the color, the warmth. So that's why I'd rather run through gardens. I'd rather not get comfortable in a happy moment, because there will be no happy moments down the dark path"
"It all depends on your attitude" he said. "You can create your own gardens, even if they're inside your head"
"How is that healthy? How is creating a fake happiness good for anyone? It's like having an imaginary friend. Imaginary happiness? I don't think so" I said.
"Oh, honey..." He looked at me, frowning. His eyes looked like he was in pain... Was that pity? "If you only knew"
