My Fault

Am I causing you trouble?

'Kristen, I'm trying... I'm really trying.' Gabriel speaks.

'What? Trying what?' I ask.

'I'm trying to be a better person. For you. And you just can't fucking appreciate it. Just for one fucking second.' Gabriel gestures with his hands.

'I am appreciating it. But you promised, Gabriel. You fucking promised me and swore to me that you changed. And now what? Because of one conversation with one person we're gonna go straight back to how it was before?' I ask.

Gabriel looks down.

'We're gonna go back to that place we tried so hard to get out of?' I ask again.

'No Kristen. We're not. I'm not trying to put us back into that place. But you're making it so hard for the both of us. If I changed, why do you now have to act like this?' Gabriel asks.

'Act like what?' I ask.

Gabriel takes a deep breath.

'Like me, Kristen. Like how I was. And trust me, I know how hard I made your life with everything I said and did. And with how much I hurt you, but that doesn't mean you have to do this to me as payback.' Gabriel's voice breaks.

'I'm not trying to get payback on you, Gabriel. And if you really knew me, you would know that I'm not that type of person.' I sigh.

'Kristen, I love you. So fucking much. I love you to the point where I can hardly breathe. And I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting the way I did in the past. And I'm sorry for everything. But you've not been a fucking saint either.' Gabriel raises his voice.

'Do not turn this on me. Do not.' I point my finger at him.

'Oh I'm sorry Kristen but if we're gonna play that game, we'll play it. I know I hurt you, and I argued with you. But that is nothing compared to what you did to me.'

'Excuse me?' I make a confused face.

'You fucking ran away. To Barcelona. To Gavi. And left me. With no explanation. No message. Not even a fucking letter. At least one fucking letter, Kristen. Something. A ring. A necklace. A piece of fucking hair. Anything. You disappeared. And I had to find out through social media? Really Kristen? Really?' Gabriel starts crying.

'And I apologised for that. But do you want me to remind you how we ended up there? We ended up there because of you. Because of your behaviour. Because of the madness you created. All of it happened because of you, Gabriel. Because of you.' I speak.

Gabriel looks down.

'And I am not having this conversation anymore.' I walk away.

'Oh fuck.' Kylian sighs from a corner.

'Ha. Of course.' Gabriel rolls his eyes after noticing Kylian.

******

'Am I causing you trouble?' Kylian appears behind me.

'Ha. No no. You're not.' I chuckle while wiping a tear off my face.

'Can I just say something to you?' Kylian says in a low voice.

'Yeah of course.' I look up at him.

'Don't let anyone tell you that you are too much, cause feeling and expressing emotions is the most beautiful thing a person can do. And... you were just doing it all the time.' Kylian brushes my hair back.

I remain speechless at how good this man was with his words. And all I did was smile and nod.

'Okay?' Kylian looks at me.

'Yes.' I nod.

'Thank you.' I chuckle and pull Kylian into a hug.

'Anytime.' Kylian kisses my cheek.

*******

I decided to head back to Gabriel, avoiding eye contact and just leaving the situation. Because every time we try sort a situation out, it never ends well.