The tour that changed everything (re done)

10. ⚠️

(mitchur content ⚠️⚠️ TW)
Toms pov
Have you ever felt like you were used up?
This must be how those girls felt after I never called them back after sex. I have been going to this guy's house almost every night for a month now. I'm so tired and just want one night of peace. I haven't eaten at all and sleep has been a distant dream. This man just uses me for hours then throws me out like a whore. I feel like a whore i feel like this is all I'm good for and all that people need me for. Even the fans only want to sleep with me.
They want to date bill gustav and george but they only want to fuck me. I know I kind of bilt that image for myself but I'm way more than this...
My clothes were ripped and my dreads were falling out of the holder I had on. I have been sitting on his front porch for an hour now. He was already asleep and left me out here like a shivering dog. I can't bring myself to drive back home to a house full of guys who have no idea I'm doing this.
But this isn't my fault right?
No of course not it's his?
Maybe I should have said no more, maybe said it louder...
I put myself in this situation so this is my fault.
All this is my fault.
I found the strength to get up and start to walk to my car. I just feel so drained and empty. The warm light inside me died a month ago and now I just struggle alone.
All alone.
I was hoping the drive would help but it just made it worse. I could hear that little voice in my head again.
'You should just end it'
'The fans would shame you if they found out'
'The band would get rid of you if they saw you like this'
'You mean nothing'
'You should just drive into the water'
I grabbed the wheel swerving away from the edge that I hadn't realized I was getting close to. I pulled over the car and took a deep breath as the tears started to roll out of my eyes. I couldn't stop crying, everything was torn apart and i didnt know how to put it back together. I held myself in a hug as the tears threatened to keep flowing. I didn't even hear my phone as Bill called me.
Wait bills calling me?
I looked at my phone seeing 15 missed calls and 25 texts from bill. Has something happened?
Looking at all the messages my stomach turned more.
'Tom where are you?'
'Tom this isn't funny'
'You need to come home'
'Im worried about you'
'Tom pleas'
'Pleas...'
'Tom'
'Answer your phone!'
'Please i'm scared'
'Are you dead!?!'
'Please answer my calls'
'I cant keep crying please come home'
'Why did you leave in the first place'
'Tom!'
'Pleas pleas pleas be ok'
I texted him back saying that I was on my way home now. I waited for a reply but didn't get one. Grate now Bill is mad at me. What's one more person mad at me right?
I have been sitting in our driveway for a while now. I was still crying and didn't want anyone to see me like this. How would I hide my clothes from them if they were waiting for me? What am I kidding? They are dead asleep and they don't care.
No, don't thank like that there your friends they care. I got into the house. It was dark and I snuck to my room, closing the door and letting out a breath before turning on the light.
"Where were you??" Bill asked. He was sitting on my bed like a parent waiting for their kid who was past curfew. I turned to face him and his anger quickly turned into concern.
"Tommy? What happened? Are you ok? You look like you got beat up."
"I'm fine just tired and i bought these cloths like this"
I could see Bill didn't believe me with good reason. I never bought torn clothes and certainly never worn them before. I was too tired to explain myself though I didn't want to and I just wanted to sleep.
"Tom please tell me what has been going on with you lately."
I ignored him and just got onto the part of my bed that he wasn't on laying down. I could feel him looking at me but I couldn't talk. I didn't have the energy to talk. After a while of ignoring his constant questions he left the room softly thanking i was asleep. I wasn't i never was i couldn't sleep every time i closed my eyes i saw that guy touching me, hurting me, and calling my name in that sick sleazy voice. I just want this all to stop and go away.
—-
The band was starting a new tour and Tom was more aggravated than ever. No one could ask him anything without his snapping at them and everyone just stayed away from him. Bill even tried to lift Tom up by giving him the bedroom on the bus. Tom only nodded and that was it. Bill was hurt deeply by Tom's actions and attitude towards him. He wanted to help him so desperately but everytime he tried Tom would just push him away. He felt their connection breaking apart slowly and it killed him inside. He wondered if it had anything to do with the night they slept together or maybe the night Tom beat him. He felt responsible for Tom's pain and would cry about it in private. Bill had to keep a happy face for the others and the fans. They didn't deserve to suffer at the hands of Bill and toms relationship falling apart.
Being on stage didn't make them feel any better. Tom was distracted by all the fans that were flashing him or trying to blow him kisses. Normally he would love that and flurt back but this time it just made him feel worse. He was getting overwhelmed but kept playing so he wouldn't disappoint anyone. He knew Bill could tell because Bill spent extra time by tom. Tom hated it though he just wanted to hide forever in the dark away from everyone.
Each show went like that until they were in the middle of their tour and Tom broke after a fan screamed out to him. He started to cry as he played not liaising to anything and just letting muscle memory take over. The tears wouldn't stop and he knew people could see it. He faced away from the crowd and kept playing as Bill sang looking over to him worried. They took a brief break after that song and Tom ran off the stage covering his mouth with his palm trying to keep the sobs from escaping his mouth. He hid in the dressing room as his breath started to quicken and his body shook. He was having a very hard panic attack and knew he wouldn't come down from it for a while. He paced back and forth shaking his hands to try and calm down but nothing worked. He soon fell to his knees sobbing hard into the ground below him. This was all too much for him and he just wanted to die.
'You should do it'
'It would fix everything'
'Your dirty'
'You don't deserve the life you have'
The voice rang in his head loudly as he sat up slowly breathing heavily. This whole time no one had tried to come find him. That confirmed to him that they didn't care. He looked around for anything that could make this all go away. There wasn't anything though anger took over and he punched the mirror making it shatter. The sharp pieces of glass lay on the counter and he looked at them like they were a gift from the gods. Taking a sharp peace he slid it anywhere he could on his skin. Most of it was on his left arm he didnt care if anyone saw at this point he didn't care about anything.
—-
The consort continued but had a different vibe. The fans and band saw Tom's arm as he played and had now a very different reaction to him. Bill tried to make the consort end erlay but Tom refused. The fans didn't deserve that. Tom did the whole gig then when they were done he layed in the bed feeling numb. Bill and the others tried to talk to him but he had locked the door and wouldn't move at all.
—-
Bill was scared for Tom; he hadn't hurt himself in years and now he was right back where he was. The last time Tom did this he wanted to die and Bill was terrified that Tom would do it this time.
But they promised to stay together and that would still keep him on this earth.
It had to, it just had to....