the 1

to you, i can admit (that I'm just too soft for all of it)

They both let out a big sigh, "I don't even know what's gonna happen now" JJ said looking down and scratching the side of his nose "Like, their really.. gone" She looked down at her legs and nodded, and then shook her head, she said in a voice so quiet, "I don't know what were gonna do" there it was, her tears dropping to her legs, the hardest part about losing people close to you isn't having to say goodbye, it's the learning to live without them, and she had no idea how too, JJ scooted over to sit next to her, he put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head on his, "It'll be fine" he looked down at her, "We'll handle it together" she nodded slightly and moved her head to look at him wiping her tears away, "God I feel stupid for crying" she chuckled, he shook his head, "Don't, your feelings are valid alright?" she nodded again, they looked at each other and sighed, "So... uh, how's, how's pope and all that" he said his words with his hands, "Thats the question" she said, "I dunno... what's going on with... that, I mean I feel like it was kind of a spur of the moment thing and- and I don't even know if I like him or not I mean obviously I like him a friend, like he's one of my best friends and I don't want it to be weird" he listened to her rambling being he could tell she had been wanting to talk about to someone from the moment she kissed him on that dock, so he let her continue "I-I mean like I just feel like it's super weird, like I feel super weird about it and I don't want to talk about it with him anytime soon just because all of this is happening at once and I just...." he was still listening and she noticed "I just don't want things to be different, when everything is changing already" she looked him in the eyes, "Fair enough." she was waiting for him to continue and when he didn't she spoke "Fair enough?" she questioned, "I mean Kie it sounds like you were just using emotions in the moment, If you liked him you'd know" she nodded, "Yeah... yeah I guess, hey I guess you are good for something" he chuckled, "Yeah" they kept looking at each other, it's like their eyes were magnets, every time they locked they wouldn't let go unless one of them spoke, but they didn't want to let go, so neither of them spoke, for JJ he always avoid eye contact to avoid conflict, like with his dad, he never looked him in the eye, he didn't want to provoke him, you knew that JJ trusted you if you could look him in the eye, and what he liked so much about Kie is that from the day he met her he was able to look into her eyes, there was something so comforting about them, she made him feel safe, he wasn't sure how his hand got on her leg, but it was there, her legs where crossed and his hand rested just above her ankle, she looked down at his hand, she didn't move it away, it felt right there, in that spot, she liked it, she liked him

his face. his smile. his eyes. his voice.

him.

not pope.

him.

jj.

then they didn't know who leaned it first, maybe it was both of them, they where still looking at each other, if she even flinched then they would probably be kissing, he got scared when he saw she was looking at his lips, "hey... uh" he stood up, it caught her by surprise, "uh, we shouldn't do that" she looked at her legs again, she knew that, they shouldn't do that, but was it wrong that she wanted too? "yeah.. yeah your right" she stood up, "uh, I should probably go before my parents notice I'm gone" she pointed behind her, he nodded, he was looking down and with his hand at the back of his head, she picked up her jacket and started to walk out the door when JJ ran up to her, gently grabbed her arm and twisted her around to face him, "Hey, hey" they looked at each other, no no no, their eyes were locked again, JJ had to speak before something happened, "I'll hit up the group chat tomorrow, we'll go out to the marsh or something, take the Pouge" she nodded, "yeah" she said quietly looking down, she looked back up, in the same tone of voice she said "catch you later" she walked out back down the steps, tears filling her eyes, JJ walked out standing on the porch, watching her ride away, he felt like he had just destroyed something that never even happened, he just bolted the door shut.