𝑼𝑵𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑬𝑻| 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭

24

➪Enchanted- Taylor swift➪

THE PEAK

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"I keep myself busy with the things I do, but every time I pause, I still think of you."
— Cecelia Ahern

It's true. I am actually pregnant.

Hardin and I had a long conversation if a baby was something we both really wanted. If Hardin wanted me to have this baby he was going to have to step up.

Well If he wanted me to have it or not I would've still had it.

The point is I needed him to absolutely present every step of the way and I didn't want him to half ass anything. If I was going to my body in pain, then he should at least be there to hold me though the whole thing.

I've tried, but I cannot wrap my head around this situation without getting physically nauseous.

Maybe it's just my body's response to my deep-seated desire to stay childless, but who knows.
Like many others my age, I have set goals and plans for my future. My life pretty much revolves around my career.

Most of all I want to go to college and not just any college Princeton or Harvard. I wanted to become someone, a writer.

As I read in some 'mothering' books many mothers felt like they were held back from doing what they wanted to do when they had a child. They also felt as if they were slow down from accomplishing their goals and dreams.

I never understood how they felt slowed down when they could've simply added a child into the equation. I would love to travel and be able to explore and experience different cultures with my child in my arms while Hardin and I hold hands.

I want to see every part of the world I possibly can with my baby. Mateus and I would be able to try different things and look at all the pretty colors of festivals. I would give him the life that we never had growing up.

Although I may be having a kid, it won't stop
me from doing any of that, as hard as it sounds I swear to make sure that my child gets everything handed to them to have a better life than i've ever had.

Now that Hardin is on board He has been nothing but supportive and kind to me. He's bought me all my favorite sweets and all the desserts I desire.

Even though I may wake up with an attitude Sometimes he understands it's just the pregnancy moods. I been pregnant for a month and we're having a beautiful baby boy.

I thought long and hard about having this baby and I feel like it's something I want to do, even though I wasn't really with the whole idea at first.

My child would be surrounded by great and amazing people including Hardin. I have amazing friends who are also very supportive of my decision.

Even though being a teen mom might not be the greatest decision it's still something I'm willing to do.

Mateus now knows that I'm pregnant and he is so excited. He keeps thinking it's his brother but I'm not his mother. I understand the mind of Mateus and I know he can't really grasp whole situation.
Hardin and I thought about some baby names so far we were looking into Elias, Ryder, or Dawson.

I know it's still far but I thought it would've been cute to at least have something picked out.

Hardin wants to put him in sports and making the next greatest athlete there is. He wants to do everything he never got to do with his dad and for that I appreciate him. If I do change my mind and not have this child I'll foster older kids and teenagers when I'm older and more settled.

But, if I don't, I don't think that reflects negatively on me. I think it makes me more independent and mature because I want to live my life.

In fact, I think it reflects well on my sense of self-awareness that I've analyzed my goals, desires, strengths, weaknesses and realized changing diapers may not be right for me.

But what is right for me is that I know that I want to at least try to just have this one baby.

My baby.

But what sucks even more that my unborn son would not meet his grandmother due to a tragedy.

My mother never got her justice, her case remained unsolved and there were so many things missing from it. None of it actually made sense so the detectives dropped it.

Although it pained me to hear that, I know she was much happier up there.

I didn't get to say goodbye to her, but the truth is, I don't think I ever could have, anyway. I wouldn't know what to say to her. We never really went a day without blowing up in one another's faces. The way she died is brutal and cruel. No one should have to go through that.

I felt as if I was the only one who cared, Steve left while he could and never came back.

As long as he was far I didn't care where he was.

Hardin wanted to spend time with me, but I don't know what he had in mind. He said it was 'a surprise.'

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"You ready baby?" He asked me as he helped me out of bed.

"Yeah but what do you have in mind?" I asked confused.

"We'll I guess you'll just have to find out." He smiled as he grabs his keys.

We headed to the car.

He held my hand as he drove and I could see when I looked around there were Shops almost like a plaza.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"Shopping for baby clothes." He smiles.

I gave him a smile and placed a kiss on his lips as we spent the rest of the day searching for clothes for our unborn child.

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