Losing Hope *EDITING*

Chapter 32; Glenn Rhee

"Glenn?"

I turned my gaze to Beth, waiting for her to get the hint to leave me alone. "Carol says you need to eat something. You've been sitting in the car for the past 2 weeks," she insisted, holding two granola bars out to me. 

I shook my head, turning to stare back out the window. "Just give them to Lori or Carl, I ate a day ago."

"Almost two days ago actually, you're going to faint if you don't eat something and then you won't have any energy to keep looking for C-"

"Don't," I snapped. "Don't you dare try to tell me to take a break. She's out there alone. Alone Beth and I won't rest until I find her."

She sighed loudly from behind me; I could only imagine her shaking her head since I wouldn't look at her.

"That's not what I was saying Glenn, I miss her too," she reminded me. "She's my friend, but we have to think of the other possibilities too."

I shut my eyes angrily, pressing my head against the hot glass window. I held my hand out behind me, waiting to feel the plastic of the granola bars before stuffing them in my pocket. I opened the driver side door, stepping out to be met with the hot Georgia heat. It's supposed to be nearing winter, but today was an uncomfortable, skin sticking clothes, type of hot. I slammed the door shut, grabbing the pistol off of the hood and heading towards the shed we found today. Our new 'resting spot'.

What a joke. We never get any rest anymore. Before Claire disappeared, we were constantly moving. Now we move at the sight of more than 3 walkers because Rick fears someone else from the group would get split up from us. Specifically Carl or Lori, but I know he cares about the rest of us too. I slid the shed door open, stepping inside and shutting it back.

I sighed heavily as it became noticeably quiet in the small space. Great. I rolled my eyes as I turned around, walking over to the others and taking a seat against the shed wall. "Don't let the chit chat stop on my account," I grumbled, avoiding their eye contact.

"Have you eaten?" Carol asked to break the tension silence. "I had Beth take you out some granola bars."

I resisted the urge to clench my fist in my lap as I pulled out one of the granola bars from my pocket --ripping it open and chewing it quickly. "There. Happy, now leave me alone."

I didn't mean to snap at her, but I wasn't going to apologize as hurt crossed her face. I know she was just looking out for me, but I couldn't help it. I feel like my whole body is ripped to shreds, my heart torn apart into millions of pieces at the pit of my stomach, like I can't get enough air into my lungs to do a simple task as breathing. I feel so lost. I feel like a failure. All because I lost the one person who I never want to see gone from my side again.

And it's all my fault. You fucking left her there Glenn. You left her defenseless and scared. Now she's gone and it's your fault again.

Small conversations started up again, nobody really paying much attention to me. I pulled my knees to my chest, resting my chin on top of them as I looked at each member of our group. I know their all affected about Claire missing too, they try not to show it, but I've caught a few people. I've caught people like Lori and Beth praying to God to bring her back. I've heard Rick have to comfort Carl a couple nights last week when he woke up crying because she was in his dream. Hell, I've even watched Daryl go out everyday except this week to go looking for her at the barn which was miles away from us now. He had to stop because we have to save up on fuel.

"I'll go keep watch," Daryl offered. No one said anything, because Daryl was always the one to keep watch and he definitely didn't like company. I watched him walk out, shutting the shed door behind him. I rubbed my eyes on the sleeves of my shirt,fighting the urge to cry. I was sick of crying. Crying wasn't going to bring Claire back to me. Nothing was except for fate.

"How you holding up?" Rick asked me as he took a seat besides me.

What does it look like you idiot? Are you blind or just stupid?

"I'm fine," I lied.

It was silent; I could feel Rick's watchful gaze on me. "It's okay to admit that you miss her Glenn."

"That's all I've been doing and it hasn't brought her back," I sneered. "She's gone. Gone. Claire is gone."

"No," Rick denied. "She's out there still. You and I both know that. She may be insane but she's a strong little lady and she'll fight to find us, to find you no matter what the cost is."

I buried my face in my arms, wishing people would stop bringing her up around me. It makes it harder for me to let go.

What if she is dead? Or a walker? It'll kill me to see her as one when they all keep me holding onto the idea that she's alive and looking for us. But then, I can't overpower that gut feeling that she is alive. That I know she's alive. That she is out there looking just like we've been looking for her. That she hasn't given up and I will see her again.

"She's strong Glenn, just like you. That's how I know she's still alive." Rick patted my back before I heard him shuffle to get up and walk away.

She's alive. Stop thinking so negatively Glenn. She's out there.

The shed door flew open, Daryl whistling inside. Everyone stood up, grabbing anything they brought inside before rushing out to the cars. Maggie tossed me the keys as I ran to the drivers side and hopped in. I started the car up, waiting until the others sped off and following behind T-Dog's truck.

The car was silent as we sped off, barely escaping at what looked to be at least 40 walkers heading out from behind the shed. My hands gripped the steering wheel as I drove, my mind racing back to Claire. Every time we stop some where, I get my hopes up that she'd just pop up and open the doors with a giant smile on her face while exclaiming something like "You'll never believe what journey I had" or something like "Glenn, I'm back". But that never happens, and my heart sinks a little more in despair.

Beth hummed softly from the back seat, leaning forward so she could rest her head on the back of Maggie's seat. "Put your seat belt on," Maggie demanded.

I stared out the window as I drove, slowing down as the other cars did. My thumbs rubbed up and down the steering wheel slightly, watching as trees whirled past. I wasn't paying any real attention until I noticed something running along the trees.

My foot slowly lifted off the gas petal a bit as I tried to see closer. "Glenn, what are you doing?"

My eyes widened as I saw the figure more and more, my heart pounding, blood feeling like it was rushing to my ears. "No fucking way," I whispered.

I honked the horn, slamming my foot on the brakes. I didn't listen to Hershel and his girls as I opened the door and ran out. I noticed that the others had stopped too and some of them had gotten out the cars as fast as I did as they watched me.

"Glenn!"

"Claire!" I screamed. "Claire! Stop!"

"Holy shit!"

The figure stopped, just outside of the trees. I didn't stop running until I was a few feet away from her. I watched as she took cautious steps towards me, my eyes flickering to the blood dripping down her neck.

"Glenn..." she whispered.

I ran the few steps towards her as her eyes closed and she tumbled forward, catching her just in time. I pulled her to my chest, holding on tightly to her as the others ran towards us. "No, no. You aren't giving up on me just like that," I begged. "Not now. Stay with me Claire."

Stay with me. Stay with me Claire.